Wearing the new, limited edition $23 MAC Ripe for Love Powder Blush on my cheeks from the Temperature Rising summer 2013 collection

5 things MAC’s Ripe For Love Powder Blush would say if it could talk

1. Ditch your boyfriend.

Boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever. Your tanned skin and I, we belong together, just the two of us, you and I.

I don’t care where we go. I don’t care what we do. I don’t care, pretty baby, just take me with you. Let’s hit that beach we talked about, sip umbrella drinks, and nap all day long because I’m from MAC’s Temperature Rising collection. And I’m hot like that.

At night, you can put on that look I like with the chocolate smokey eyes and glossy copper lips, and then dust me on top of some bronzer on your cheeks before we head out.

Oh, the trouble we’ll find…

2. I’m officially called a mid-tone peach but…

…I think of myself as a papaya.

A juicy, ripe papaya begging to be devoured. Don’t even bother with a spoon. No shame! Just bite into that thing, and let the juices dribble down the side of your chin in slow mo.

3. I hate your shoes.

Blergh! Especially the flat Life Stride pair that you borrowed from the cafeteria lady wear when your feet ache.

Screw that. My name is Ripe for Love, hello! — so I’m all about, pardon my French, the fracking pumps. One layer of me on your cheeks (that’s all you’ll need because I’m pigmented like whoa!) and you’ll be glowing like Halley’s Comet.

Why? Because I’m THAT good, if I do say so myself.

4. I have a softer side…

It’s true. My scene, like my friends in Temperature Rising, is more about sultry summer nightlife, where molten metallics throb and glittery glosses throw air kisses with shimmering bronzed skin.

But look, I’m not all about seduction. I also have a softer side.

I can go from Do Me Baby to Let’s Wait A While in the flick of a wrist. All it takes is the gentlest caress of my feather-light powder on your cheeks, so we can do all kinds of things together, like go to the ice cream shoppe, your next book club meeting, work — heck, even that froo-froo yarn store where you fondle all the skeins but never actually buy anything.

I promise, I’ll behave.
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The new limited edition Guerlain Météorites Perles Les Ors Primer ($71)

Snow globes.

You know snow globes?

That’s what Guerlain’s new $71 Météorites Perles Les Ors Primer reminds me of — a snow globe. And meteoric pearls.

Sometimes I just tip the bottle up and down, back and forth, to watch the shimmery pink, white and gold highlighting beads slink through the clear gel…

Fascinating.

Guerlain’s good about sumptuous details and design, aren’t they? I think it’s just neat, like makeup eye candy. Amazingly to me, the fragile little beads don’t break down in the gel. I guess they’re just waiting to be loved.

The limited edition face primer bursts through Earth’s atmosphere with the Terra Ora collection next month. They’re designed to extend the wear time of face makeup when worn underneath it (handy in hot weather!), or to be worn alone on bare skin to impart a pinkish golden iridescence while making pores appear to softly fade away into the background…

The bottle comes with a pump. Pressing it magically mixes the pearls with the clear base, and out comes an oil-controlling shimmery pinkish golden gel.

I think it works okay as a primer — maybe as a “diet primer” or “primer light.” It feels nice and light on my skin, which I like, but it is awfully expensive.

You can definitely find other primers that soften the appearance of your pores and control oil more effectively for less, and I feel like it’s almost a shame to cover its iridescent pink and gold with foundation…

I prefer to use Météorites Perles Les Ors more to spotlight bare skin. The primer smooths and softens my pores and fine lines just enough — just shy of mannequin skin — and the pink and golden tones look breathtaking with just the faintest bit of bronzer dusted on top.

Guerlain Meteorites Perles Les Ors Primer unblended on the left and blended on the right (see the luminous hint of pink, yellow and gold?)

It’s a bronzed, bronzed world with the new Guerlain Terra Nerolia bronzer

And the ref counts, “…seven…eight…nine…10!” Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!

That’s it, folks. It’s over. The new $69 Guerlain Terra Nerolia is a knockout!

But seriously, in what world is $69 reasonable for a bronzer? My accountant mother certainly wouldn’t approve. She likes to walk places because of the stray coins she finds along the way (love you, Mom!).

Of course, she isn’t obsessed with bronzer, either, so there’s also that…

To even consider Guerlain’s new Terra Nerolia, you should probably love bronzer (like, you wear it every single day and feel naked without it) and have a debilitating weakness for luxe brands.

Because sh*t’s really, really expensive…so you’re going to want to love it on every single level.

And that’s exactly what Guerlain wants.

They started with the presentation and Terra Nerolia’s sunburst pattern. The first time I opened the over-sized 0.67-ounce pan and saw that gold, peach and bronze, I thought two words: Ancient Mayans.

Guerlain Terra Nerolia from the left: both shades blended and applied with a blush brush, the tan powder, and then the peach powder on the right

Then I caught a whiff of the tiare flower scent and thought, “Hawaiian vacation.”

Guerlain’s Terra Nerolia on my cheeks, below my cheekbones and around the edges of my face

Guerlain Terra Ora Bronzer

What they don’t tell you — and they should! — at the makeup counter the day you pick up that first burnished pan is that bronzer will ruin you for life.

They could post a sign or offer a quick verbal warning, at least. A quick aside before they let you swipe that deliciously sun-kissed powder on your skin, something akin to, “I must warn you now, and this is a federal regulation, from this day forward, you won’t feel quite right unless you’re wearing bronzer.”

Seriously, I can’t even remember the last time I left the house without bronzer.

And what about options?? Imagine only having one bronzer to choose from…

Banish the thought.

I want options, options, options! — like the new $72 (GASP!) limited edition Terra Ora face and body bronzer from Guerlain.

As you can probably tell, I’ve got a thang for bronzer, and if you do too, you probably already know about Guerlain’s reputation for producing pricey, well-regarded luxury bronzers.

There’s no getting around it: their stuff costs an arm and a leg. Good thing it’s usually great.

Every single Guerlain bronzer I’ve ever tried has melted into my skin like butter on warm popcorn and never, ever looks heavy, muddy or forced.

Guerlain Terra Ora Bronzer from the left: Matte tan beige, pearly white gold and a mix of both shades

Terra Ora follows the lead set by its bronzed Guerlain predecessors. When I swirl its mix of matte tan beige and pearly white gold together and dust that on my face, neck and decollete, I think I definitely do look more like the girl next door than the housemates on the Jersey Shore.

Most of all, I love this bronzer’s “secret shimmer.”

You know how some Chanel polishes look like basic creams, but then when you get them in direct sunlight, they sparkle, seemingly out of nowhere? Terra Ora does that, too.

The 0.56-ounce pan of Guerlain Terra Ora Bronzer has a wooden case with gold lettering and a magnetic closure

Dear Bobbi Brown, your Foundation Stick totally rocks. Heart you! -Karen

A girl’s gotta have options, ya know?

Well, I do. I like having ‘em — that’s for sure.

I’m the gal who shows up for a flight at the airport with a suitcase dedicated to black shoes (and yet when it comes to purses, why do I try to fit everything into one?).

Guess I like being prepared…

And when I find single products that provide me with options, they’re like beauty gold! — or beauty pirate treasure, as in the case of Bobbi Brown’s Foundation Sticks.

When it comes to foundation, I also like options. The more the merrier. Options for different occasions, like tinted moisturizer for casual days, medium-coverage liquid foundations for weekdays, full-coverage stuff for pictures — and don’t even get me started about finishes and textures; we’ll be here ’til the next season of The Walking Dead.

Since I found Bobbi Brown’s $43 Foundation Stick in Honey (my shade, and one of 20 available now in Bobbi’s permanent line on counters and online), I haven’t wanted to use anything else.

I’ve worn it every day this month because, in a nutshell, it rocks.

Bobbi Brown Foundation Stick in Honey (a good equivalent to MAC NC42)

One of Bobbi’s top makeup artists, Marc Reagan, introduced me to it at the Saks Fifth Avenue Bobbi Brown Master class a few weeks back, referring to it as “one thing every woman needs in her makeup bag.”

Homeboy was SO RIGHT! I’m this close to sending him a fruit basket with a note that reads, “Thank you for changing my life!”

First of all, it’s like Mr. Fantastic (read: flexible). Because it’s able to go from sheer to full coverage in the blink of an eye, it’s basically like getting a bunch of different face products in a single creamy stick.

Bobbi Brown Foundation Stick in Honey, $42

Say I want a sheer look like a tinted moisturizer — very light coverage. I’ll just load a fan brush with product directly from the stick. And when I want a more polished look for pics or events — medium to full coverage — I’ll use a flat foundation brush instead.

Oh, and it even doubles as concealer! To disguise the little darkened, post-acne spots I have on my chin, I swipe a synthetic sponge across the tip, which I then pat wherever I need extra coverage. If I need a touch-up later in the day, I just reapply on top of whatever else I happen to be wearing, since it layers like a boss on top of cream and powder products.

I almost can’t trick the stuff. No matter how I wear it, I think it looks like real, skin because it has one of those matte finishes with a bit life to it. It’s not completely flat.

It also never, ever feels heavy or like it’s suffocating my pores, and it doesn’t oxidize. It lasts on my combination dry/oily skin all day long, but I’m not sure how it would fare on super oily skin types… I have a feeling the creamy formula might scoot away.

Swatch out! It’s Bobbi Brown Foundation Stick in Honey…

Seriously, I have no idea how I made it through my days without this (well, I do, but you know what I mean). I love it.

Cat lady things, part 3,623

Thought you might appreciate this book my cat lady friend Heidi gave me as a gift last week.

(I started reading it to Tabs, but he wasn’t amused…)

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