One beauty blogger. Countless hours of music video watching. Two random acts of beauty.
I’m in first grade. I get home from school one day, turn on the telly and see Blondie’s video, “Heart of Glass,” for the first time. Debbie Harry is blonde and bad-ass. I decide she’s the bomb and make the pledge to be her when I grow up.
During dinner I ask my mom if I can cut my long, straight black hair. “I want it short,” I say. “Blonde, too! And I’d like to do it before school tomorrow.”
My mom rolls her eyes, plops some vegetables on my plate and snorts, “Next year.” This answer is standard operating procedure in our household so I just shrug it off. I figure, okay, I can wait until second grade. It’s not that far away. (It wasn’t until I was much older when I finally figured out the words “next year” were code for “Oh hell naaaaaw, girl.”)
Later that evening, I sneak my mom’s gray shawl out of her bedroom. I put on some Grape Lip Smackers Gloss and dance around my room while singing, “La la la lah, heart of glass!” Even though I don’t have the blonde hair, boobs, or a band for that matter, my inner bad-ass Debbie manages to manifest itself. Yes!
Madonna’s “Lucky Star” video is playing on MTV practically 24 hours a day. I am convinced that the black outfit that she has on is just the thing to wear to school picture day in the fall.
While we’re shopping for school clothes at Mervyn’s (there was no Limited Too back in the day), I freak out when I discover that the children’s section has no black, fingerless lace gloves. Wait … no black mesh tops either? What the hell?
My mom hands me a glittery unicorn decal T-shirt. I kick furiously at the carpet and foam at the mouth. To hell with the unicorns! It’s the black Lucky Star outfit or death!
“Don’t you start fussing about clothes,” my mom threatens through clenched teeth. “There are starving, naked children running around in the Philippines! Do you think they whine about black lace gloves? All they want is a scoop of rice and some underwear!”
Blah, blah, blah. I tune her out and pout all the way home.
I decide there is only one way to rebel against that dumbass unicorn T shirt. I put on some of my mom’s black eyeliner and try very carefully to make it look just like Madonna’s in the video. I somehow figure out how to work the VCR, tape the Lucky Star video, and then play it over and over again. Play, rewind, dance. Play, rewind, dance. I learn the entire video by heart. Hours pass. The sun goes down.
For some weird reason my parents say nothing while this strangeness unfolds in the living room. Maybe they figured at least I was exercising and not hanging out with the neighborhood ruffians. Or perhaps they thought I was possessed by the spirits and that there wasn’t anything they could do. They’ve never clarified why they let me dance around for five hours wearing crazy black eyeliner; I suspect they never will.
That day was the first day I ever wore black eyeliner and it’s been downhill ever since. I owe part of my makeup obsession to Madge and that fateful black outfit. She’s still number one in my book. And to this day, whenever the Lucky Star video starts playing, I can’t help but bust out the dance moves. Yes!
In the Beginning, there was Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
I went to Long’s yesterday to buy some Wet Ones Wipes to clean my brushes, a packet of LifeSavers Gummies (my sixth major food group) and some Cover Girl Lash Blast.
So I’m wandering around the makeup section when lo and behold, I run into the celebrity perfume aisle. I never paid attention to it until a few weeks ago, when I had the earth-shattering revelation that not all celeb perfumes suck.
I saw perfumes by the usual suspects (J.Lo, Hillary Duff, Britney), as well as the not-so usual suspects (Antonio Banderas — LOLOLOLZ).
Suddenly I realized that there was an inordinate amount of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen perfumes and body sprays. It’s clear from the ad pictures that these were made years ago, prior to the twins’ movement into high fashion.
These girls are like the OG original gangsters of celeb perfumes. They’ve got about 10 different kinds and their perfumes take up half of the aisle. Holy shizz!
The Olsen Twins, aka the Terminators of the Drugstore Celeb Perfume World
For reasons unknown I really wanted to buy the $15.99 gift set, but I wasn’t exactly ready to go there.
Later on that day, I chatted with my girl Julie from Almost Pretty. She confessed to having smelled a few MK and Ashley scents and described them as being akin to being enveloped in a smelly cloud of “sparkly crack.” THANK JEEBUS I held back from buying that set.
More Holiday Wish List 2007 — Starlight Perfume by Shania Twain
I’m happy to report that not all of the drugstore celeb perfumes are steeped in scent tragedy. One budget-minded perfume that I’ve actually been liking is Shania Twain’s Starlight.
The scent is very crisp, and reminds me of a mix of snow and champagne. On my skin the perfume reveals very few floral notes and smells more like a feminine, sophisticated version of men’s cologne.
Shania looks really great in this ad campaign, too. Girlfriend is fierce in that prom dress.
If you’re on a strict budget this year (and girl…trust me, I’ve been there) then this is a great gift option for your brother or sister’s girlfriend.
The 1.7 fl oz bottle of Shania Starlight is $34.00 for an eau de toilette spray; the smaller, 0.5 fl oz. spray is $18.00.
Today I’m going to do some more MAC Holiday 2007 product testing. I’ll have some more lovely swatches and pics of the Royal Assets Eye Shadow sets and Lip Sets soon!
Aren’t you glad it’s Wednesday? We’re halfway there, ya’ll! HOLD ON!
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,