1. Terrifically tiny
You’d think that most people would find miniature versions of makeup products mildly aggravating, because why have less when you can have MOAR? But the daintiness of diminutive perfume bottles, lipsticks and eyeshadow palettes like the NARS Wanted Mini Eyeshadow Palette have me hoarding all teh tiny treasures.
So what if they aren’t always practical? — especially the tiny tubes of mascara. (My hands suddenly seem Shrek-sized when I’m holding one of those tiny wands.) They’re just so darned cute.
I was looking at some of Connor’s tiny toys the other day and remembered how I used to love small doll-sized things when I was a kid. Apparently, I still like tiny treasures.
2. I like to torture myself with terrible movies.
If the dialogue sounds like it was written by a stoner eating Twinkies and Doritos at 3 a.m., I’m so there. Also, count me in if it involves an ex-reality TV star playing a zombie who, against all odds, saves the earth from alien invasion. But, duuuuuuude, key point: It’s not like I actually enjoy any of it! I’ll start up the movie, then see how long I can bear it before I can’t take it anymore and either need to change the channel or run out the front door screaming.
I dunno… For some reason this makes me feel stronger — like it’s the equivalent of mental weightlifting?
3. I like to imagine people with Instagram brows.
Babies, politicians, the sweaty checkout guy at Target who scans all of the stuff I got from the dollar bin that Marie Kondo would disapprove of — everyone I see is fair game if they’re rocking a set of “normal/natural” brows. I’ll then mentally cut and paste a pair of blocky, dark Insta-brows on them and try not to giggle.
Conversely, whenever I see someone with Instagram brows, I’ll mentally swap them out for natural brows.
This is extra fun in airports, by the way! 😀
4. I also like to imagine all of the parents at preschool functions as partying 20-somethings.
Specifically, I like to pretend they’re all up in the club, hella drunk and doing the things single 21-year-olds do in loud and crowded spaces. I do this any time I’m surrounded by other parents, and it’s endlessly amusing to me.
5. I like to stand in the shower and win fake arguments.
While I’m washing my hair and exfoliating and doing the yoozh in the shower, I’ll reflect upon “heated conversations” I’ve had (or want to have) with friends or family or the cranky-pants who stole my parking space at Costco, and I’ll rework them in my mind so that I can get in that snappy comeback that of course occurred to me as I was walking away.
El Hub always wonders why I spend so much time in there, and I’m like, duuuuuuuuude, now you know!
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,