I *really* didn’t think I would cry this time.
We’ve been doing preschool drop-off for, what, a full year now? A full year! All last year, all summer long, so this morning I thought, “We got this!”
Today was Connor’s first day of school in the Honeybee class (3-4 year olds), so I got her up a little early, and we had a fun breakfast (strawberries and a Trader Joe’s Pop Tart), did some coloring, got ready for school, and then did what I hope will be our annual first-day-of-school picture session in the front yard.
After that, we packed up her stuff and drove to the school. I took her to her new classroom, and at that point, I was still holding it together. I made it all through the “hellos” to her teachers and her classmates.
Then we put her stuff away in her cubby, and I took her to one of the activity stations she was interested in. (Side note: There was Play-Doh, by the way, which is forbidden fruit in our house because it contains gluten, and El Hub has celiac, so whenever Connor sees Play-Doh she’s like OOOOH!)
Once she was settled in, I gave her a hug, told her I’d see her soon, and blew her a kiss as I walked out the door.
It wasn’t until I had closed the door behind me and was walking to my car that I started to feel wobbly inside…
And boy, I let the tears fall. I sat in the car and bawled for a solid five minutes.
Overall…I thought this kind of thing would get easier over time, but I guess it doesn’t. Watching that tender part of your heart go out into the world probably doesn’t get a whole lot easier, and then there’s the reminder that time is passing, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. She’ll just pull further and further away from me every year…
Being so intensely needed by another creature is emotionally, physically and mentally taxing, but I wouldn’t change it for anything the world. I’m eternally grateful for having met Tabs, and I thank the universe and the stars for sending me Connor.
She’ll be going to preschool five days a week now. Did I mention that?
Last year it was only two days a week, so I still had a good amount of time with her at home, and I think that’s been the toughest part this time around — knowing that she’ll be out in the world, out with her friends, and I know it’ll be really good for her social development, but still… I keep telling myself that this is how it is. This is normal. One day she’ll be asking to borrow the car keys, and I’ll be watching her drive away without me.
I know that’s still a long ways from now, but I can see it in my mind clear as day, ya know? Pardon me while I go cry again… 😢 LOL.
Everyone says that being a parent is hard, and I think this is the hardest part — finding the strength to let them go.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,