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Today I Am…

by 98 Comments

…Enjoying this bouquet of sunflowers. They’re so cheerful and happy.

sunflowers

…Painting my nails. Couldn’t think of a better day to wear Deborah Lippmann’s Happy Birthday.

nars kutki deborah lippmann happy birthday
Deborah Lippmann Happy Birthday atop NARS Kutki

…Searching for shoes. And thinking I might need to break my “You’re only going to buy shoes you can walk in” rule for this pair of BCBG platforms.


Dress by BCBG

…37 years young. I’ve officially entered my late 30s.

I still feel like the same happy-go-lucky me, but things cross my mind now that never used to. When I spend time with my childhood friends, or when I’m with my parents, sometimes it hits me — we won’t always be together — and I have a hard time imagining my life without them.

There was a time in my life when I craved constant change, but not anymore. Now I find myself hoping and praying for things to stay the way they are for as long as possible.

…Realizing that I may never feel ready to have children. I always thought I’d just wake up one morning and know that I was ready, because that’s the way it happened when I knew I was ready to marry El Hub, no joke. But it still hasn’t hit me yet, and I wonder if it ever will.

Sometimes the thought of not having kids makes me very sad, but other times I’m okay with it. Part of it is because I’m terrified that I wouldn’t be a good mother. I don’t know if I’m very maternal by nature, unlike my friend Jen, who was born to be a mom.

Will I ever feel ready? I don’t know.

…Taking it all in. I have so much to be thankful for. I feel blessed and very lucky, and I want to thank you for always being there, for being around these last five birthdays and the other days along the way.

Thank you.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Happy! Happy! Happy Birthday Karen. Wishing you all the best and much more success. You will be a wonderful mom so don’t you worry about it. xoxo

    Reply

  4. Happy Birthday, Karen! Enjoy every day!

    I guess there is no moment telling you you are ready for a child, but you would still be a good mom. These things work like miracles …

    All the best for you.

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  5. I always enjoy your honesty about life’s challenges, Karen.

    I am fortunate to feel very certain that I don’t want children. But know that, even if you don’t have your own, you can still enjoy the best parts of being an important influence in the lives of children in your extended family (friends included) or community. Our family is what we choose it to be, not necessarily what society tells us is the definition of family.

    Happy 37th!
    Amber recently posted … Photo catch-up: San Antonio

    Reply

    • Absolutely true 🙂

      Happy BDAY Karen! Thanks for the years of entertainment, laughs, candour and beauty. xoxo

      Reply

  6. happy birthday! my mother is 84 today- the dogs gave her some new nylabones and the cat gave her catnip.

    Reply

  9. Happy birthday, Karen!!! Hope you have the most amazing day ever!!!

    Yes, you should DEF get those shoes. I don’t know what I would wear them with, but even I want them (this coming from a self-proclaimed beach bum who lives in flip flips).

    Also, I think that not everyone is meant to be a mother–and why should they be? There are plenty of animals out there that need a family too 😀
    Becca @ The Beauty Sample recently posted … The Sample: Burberry Lip Mist Natural Sheer Lipstick in No.213 Field Rose Review

    Reply

  11. Happy birthday Karen, I’m sure you are looking fab today! I love what you wrote here, I partially recognise the fellings. Don’t worry tho, life has it ways to make certain things clear :).
    Teri recently posted … Caudalie Huile Divine

    Reply

  12. Happy Birthday Karen! I turned 27 in April…and I don’t think I will ever be ready for kids either. Most days I know I don’t want any but some days I wonder:/

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  19. Happy Birthday Karen! I can tell you two things.
    One: I still don’t feel ready to have kids and my children are eight and nine years old. And two: it’s okay not to want to have children, and it’s okay to never have children.
    When your baby is wanted, loved, prayed for, when circumstances allow you to be a stay-at-home mom without money problems, when you have pleanty of help… it’s still so incredibly difficult. It’s harder than any job, it’s harder than law school, it’s harder than running a marathon, it’s the hardest thing anyone ever does. There are no days off, no personal time, no lunch breaks. And everyone in the world feels entitled to judge and criticize you, including the family you depend on for help and support.
    You are not less of a person, less of a woman, or less of a wife if you are not a mother. And if you’re not certain beyond any doubt that it’s what you want, don’t do it. Just be thankful we have the ability to choose, and find other ways to leave the word a better place than when you cam into it.

    Reply

  20. Happy birthday, Karen! And thank you for your fun and witty beauty blog. Reading it is something I look forward to each day!

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  22. Happy birthday, Karen! I hope you have a fabulous day and an incredible year – here’s to many more, full of Tabs, makeup, the blog, El Hubs and everything else you love!!

    Reply

  23. Happy Birthday Karen! May your special day be filled with lots of love, happiness, and blessings. Enjoy and definitely buy those shoes, you deserve it!

    Reply

  25. Happy Birthday Karen!

    I hope this day is wonderful for you!! What is El Hub getting you…I wonder???

    The sunflowers are so beautiful, and I can honestly say that some days, reading your blog is one of the sunniest parts of my day!
    I hope you always keep your optimism…and maybe it will jump out of the computer, and into my head!

    Reply

  27. Happy Birthday, happy girl! Go with what your heart says!

    And thank you for this awesome post, the sunshine that comes through to your readers! *Hugs*

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  33. Happy Birthday Karen!!!! You are so lovely and so inspirational and approachable and friendly with your constant goal towards optimism and enjoying makeup. I love your blog so much and your posts always make me smile and you and Tabs always make me laugh a lot! Hope you have a magical BDay! xoxo Doreen

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  34. Happy Birthday! You are ten years ( and a few months) older than me. I think that’s great since I can get advice from the future so to speak. And I think you should get the shoes. I got a pair of beige 5″ wedge sandals that I call “My Illogical Sandals.” They make me feel pretty and they’re surprisingly comfy.

    Reply

  36. Happy Birthday! Hope you have a wonderful day. I only “know” you through your blog, but I think you are a beautiful person inside and out. Thanks for all the positivity (and kitty pix) you share through your site. 🙂

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  38. Happy Birthday Karen! I hope you have a lovely day. Thank you for the bit of sunshine you bring everyday in your blog posts!

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  40. Happy birthday Karen! I hope you’ve had a wonderful one and that Tabs got you something extra special for being such an awesome assistant :).

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  43. Happy Birthday! I’ll be 37 in January, so I’m just a bit behind you!

    Thanks so much for your awesome blog – you and Tabs are terrific!

    Reply

  46. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!! That is a beautiful post about turning 37 years young. At 26, I always think about people not being around forever, it is sort of haunting (even though I have never had someone close pass). Maybe at 37, I won’t have that feeling of wanting kids either. Def don’t now or maybe ever. Enjoy your day, and to many more.

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  50. Karen u & I hv the same birthday, knew there was another reason why I love ur blog! Remember never to old to be fabulous.

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  56. Happy bday Karen. Ur workout regime inspires me and dedication to providing blog readers the best posts possible. Thanks for all that u do and go ahead with those yellow heels! Yaaaaasss!

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  57. Happy birthday Karen!
    I love your honesty and your sense of humor. You’re truly beautiful inside and out? 😀 xoxox

    Reply

  58. I never had the baby craving either, even though I love kids and can be pretty maternal. But I really never felt the need of having a child of my own. Getting really ill at 30 sort of closed the deal, I had a hard enough time trying to keep my own life barely floating. A a child of a mother with severe chronic illnesses I also felt that even if I managed to make it happen somehow, a home with a mom struggling with severe depressions and so on may not be the most beneficial environment to grow up. Now the baby train has definitely passed, and of course I sometimes wonder what could have been, but I am still completely at peace with my (non-) choice. I feel I am at the end of a somewhat unhealthy, though very loving train, and the buck stops here. And that is okay. I feel fine just loving the children of my friends and family. And learning to truly take care of myself, I hope that one day I may be of help and benefit for others.

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  59. happy birthday, karen! having children isn’t the only way to put forth love into the world. in spite of cultural pressures for women to be maternal, not all women want children or even like children.

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  62. Happy birthday, Karen! I´m one of those followers that suck at commenting, but you should know that I truly love your blog and that you seem truly amazing. So warm, sweet and joyful – thank you for sharing yourself with us!

    Love from Norway,
    Tone

    Reply

  64. Happy birthday Karen! I hope you’re having a fantastic weekend, and wishing you plenty of wonderful things for this new year. 🙂

    Reply

  67. Hope you had a great birthday, Karen! At the risk of sounding like a therapist, I need to comment on your ambivalence about having a kid. I had the same reservations you did and suddenly one day I realized that I was 37 and I had a short window of opportunity in the maternity world. So my husband and I just took the plunge and here I am 7 months along with a boy. I was never the type of woman who thought that her life was incomplete without kids but, still, I didn’t want to miss my opportunity. The fact that you stated that you sometimes feel sad when thinking about not ever having a child already indicates something… I couldn’t even say that last year! But now, I can’t imagine my life without my sweet guy! Karen, you are already organized, ambitious, optimistic, nurturing (ask Tabs!), patient and smart. I think you have all the qualities for being a good mother! You will probably surprise yourself! One again, pardon me for being personal but I just had to comment.

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  68. Hi Karen, Happy Birthday! I rarely ever comment but I, too, had to jump in especially after reading Pamela’s (above) comment. I’ll be 37 in a couple of weeks as well and have also struggled with whether or not to have kids but like Pamela says, the fact that you (and I) have some sadness about not having them means that we in a way we do want them and perhaps regret would be even worse if we don’t. My husband and I are currently trying and hoping for the best!

    Your statement about craving constant change in your youth but now wanting things to stay the same resonates so well with me. Just this past year I have found myself thinking the very same things, especially when it comes to family and friends! I live overseas so I only see my family about once a year and that time is even more special to me now.

    Thanks for sharing these awesome thoughts with us and have a wonderfully magical day today!!

    Reply

  69. Wait wait wait, “late thirties???” Noooooooooooooo, I’ll be 37 tomorrow and that is nowhere near my late 30’s! The late 30’s don’t start until you’re 39!!! 🙂

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  70. I know what you are going through with the whole child thing. I am 35 and my husband is 40. I just don’t know if we are ready or will ever be ready. I am also not sure if we would be good parents. We enjoy our carefree lifestyle. He actually has started saying he wants to have kids very recently. I am just not sure if it is the right decision for us.

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  71. Happy birthday Karen! I hear you on the having kids thing. I’m only 24 (going on 25 later this year) but I feel like with the jobs my fiance and I have (he is 35) that we aren’t suited for having kids. I think it’s a really personal decision, and I’ve personally always hated when people questioned me about it or said we should have kids. Anyways, you are awesome, I love reading your blog and look forward to the daily posts, and have a great birthday!

    Reply

  74. Karen
    Happy Birthday! You would be a wonderful Mother–you are a wonderful mother to your kitty child.
    Best
    Anne Marie
    Ps Life is too short-buy those hot shoes for yourself!

    Reply

  75. Karen, many more wonderful birthdays! Sounds as if you have a happy and fulfilling life with El Hub and Tabs…children aren’t always a necessary addition.

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  78. P.S. I agree with previous posters that if the thought of never having kids makes you really sad sometimes, then you may not be as ambivalent as you think. I mean that in the kindest way: do give yourself permission to have the whole gamut of feelings about parenthood… the anxiety, fears, disappointment, joys, and hopes.

    I used to feel ambivalent, but when the time was right for me and my husband, we decided to go for it. We aren’t perfect parents. We don’t have an easy child by any means. However, the moment we laid eyes on our child, it brought everything into a new perspective. We are still independent, free spirits that miss sleeping in and going out whenever we wanted, but we would not trade anything for our new identities and lifestyle. Parenting is hard work, but it is so worth it. You have the strength to get through it… I know you definitely have the creativity and passion to be the best mom ever. Best wishes.

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  79. Think hard and long about whether you want to have kids or not! It’s a life changing commitment. Years of hard work and total devotion,very expensive! But much love and fun too.I can tell you would be a great Mom if you decide to take the plunge! There are a lot of ways you can nurture and fulfill your maternal urges if you decide not to have kids. As for those cute shoes they look like cutting hams! Lol they look uncomfortable don’t get them!!

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  81. I hope you had a Blast!! I think things happen for a reason… And you are a very blessed girl, with a great health, hubby, kitty, family and an awesome and wonderful work that looks that you love it!! I send you good vibe and excellent things!! Thanks for entretain me everyday!!
    H&K 😀
    Cristy

    Reply

  82. I guess I’ll get on the baby bandwagon too! I knew at a very early age that I did not want children. I grew up with a mother that clearly did not enjoy her children for the most part & I didn’t want to be like her. However, there was a time that I changed my mind just a little when I was married. I guess I wanted a child because that child would be a part of me and my then husband and I thought he had a good heart and I wanted a part of him to carry on. I don’t know if I’m saying that right or if that makes sense. 🙂

    I am glad though that we were careful and choose not to have kids, but I understand the feelings of being unsure and occasionally pining for one when you see happy couples with cute kids. However, all it would take is a crying child or that child acting up and then I was brought back to reality that JA, I don’t think I have the patience for a kid. Plus, all I ever hear is the horror stories at work and how difficult having a child is and it makes me even more thankful that I don’t have that responsibility. I have a whole lot of respect for mothers, especially single mothers. I don’t know how you do it especially if you have to work too.

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  85. Wow! Happy Birthday Karen! Guess what? We share the same birthday!!! 🙂 I was out celebrating yesterday! I hope you enjoyed your day! 🙂

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  86. Karen, I hope you had a wonderful birthday, you deserve it! And remember the late 30’s are the new late 20’s, LOL. I love your optimism and really enjoy reading and looking at your photos. Thanks for everything you do.

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  87. Congrats Karen! I’m only a teenager but I wish I could be as young as you when i’m your age! You’re always so fun to read, and so happy, I want to be like you when I grow up 😀 Thanks for all your posts and your pictures. Have a great day with Tabs and El Hub!

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  90. Happy belated birthday Karen! Happy birthday too to Rozae & Charisma. We all share the same birthday. This is fab!!

    This year I’m turning 33. It was a very nice weekend for me, celebrating it with dear hubs… he spoiled me with shopping the whole weekend lol (which is why I’m late for commenting too… sorry!). We had a fancy dinner at an Italian restaurant which broadcast the Euro 2012 football match (yeah, a soccer fan here).

    I came across this affirmation quote on my birthday (Talking about coincidence :D): I am at peace with my age. Each age has its own special joys and experiences. I am always the perfect age for where I am in Life.

    … and I feel the need to comment on the children part because I kind of felt the same way. I sometimes just wonder whether it’s the right thing to do, deciding not to have one. I feel like I’m obligated to try (esp since I’m an only child). I know this is not a good reason to have a child though, so let’s see. I’m sure I will be happy either way :).

    Wish you a great year, keep on blogging (I check it everyday… I love your quirky way of saying things, plus we’re the same skintone so it’s even more awesome :P)

    Reply

  91. Happy Birthday! 🙂

    Its OK to not want kids. I am sure we dont, but that doesnt mean we dont enjoy spending time with kids at all. 🙂

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  93. Happy Birthday Karen! Thanks for all that you do and I hope you have a great day!

    Love,
    Evani

    P.S. I think you’d make a GREAT mom. One of the biggest traits of an amazing mom is a sense of humor and I know you have that!

    Reply

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