The cat and I are a package deal
If 41% of all tweets are considered pointless babble, does that mean the other 59% are awesome little pearls of wisdom like this one that crossed my path last week?
Someone posited the following for consideration: “I could never date ______.”
Hilarity (and zillions of retweets) ensued. 🙂
Even though El Hub and I have been together since the dawn of time (roughly a decade), I still remember what it was like to be lookin’ for love in all the wrong places.
Here are nine things on my “I could never date______” list. What’s on yours?
1. Someone who really, really loves earthworms
He could be perfect in every other way, but if he kept earthworms as pets or owned an earthworm farm, our relationship would not go far.
2. Someone who hates my cat
What can I say? Tabs and I have a relationship that my male friend would simply have to accept. I definitely need a dude who’s down with the kittehs.
3. Someone with a dramatically different perspective on punctuation
I’m no card-carrying member of the punctuation police, but, homie, better, know, the, basics, if you catch my drift.
One of the boys I dated ended every sentence with an ellipsis.
Hi… How was your day… Mine was great… I spent all day listening to old Stevie Wonder records… Now I’m making myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich…
Drove me nuts! Of course, he was a DJ and knew music like the back of his hand, which leads me to…
4. Someone with uncompromising taste in music
Music’s always been a big part of my life, and I’ve always tried to keep an open mind about different genres, unlike some of the dudes I dated. One of them would only listen to techno — constantly. Another absolutely hated hip-hop (sacrilege!).
5. A vampire
Why? Because 1) blood makes me queasy, and 2) I love sunny days.
6. Someone who overuses the word “like”
I actually went out, like, with a guy who, like, talked like a straight up valley girl; every other word out of his mouth was, like, like. We, like, didn’t date for long.
7. Someone who wears cutoff daisy dukes and/or belly-baring crop tops in public
NOT SEXY! And speaking of keeping stuff under wraps…
8. Someone who leaves the bathroom door open
Some things should not be shared. It’s called private time, boys. Please shut the door when you’re handling your bidness.
9. Someone who didn’t get my jokes
Houston, we’d have a problem.
Now it’s your turn. I’m guessing you have your own list of guys/gals you couldn’t date. Complete the phrase, “I could never date______,” and leave your answers in the comments. No worries if you don’t have nine. Nine just happens to be my lucky number. 🙂
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,