I actually did my hair! It’s only been, oh…two weeks! The impetus very likely has something to do with our guests leaving. We had family staying with us for the past couple weeks, but they’ve gone now, and you know how it is when you’re sharing your space with other people, even people you love. It can be a delicate dance. I need some alone time in order to function (somewhat) normally.
So this morning I did my hair for the first time in forever, and I noticed the grays starting to peek through. That’s when it hit me — I’M REALLY DOING THIS. Here I am, one month since the last time I colored my hair at home using demi-permanent color.
I bought all of this hair coloring stuff from Sally Beauty two months ago, thinking that I’d eventually grow to love coloring my own hair…
I imagined myself being able to do it on my own whenever I wanted to and saving money.
At least that was the idea.
In reality, I was in tears after the last time! You’re gonna think I’m such a big baby, but there was dye all over the bathroom and the tub, and my hair turned out a little too dark (like shoe polish). It didn’t look quite right, and the first thing El Hub said when he saw me was, “Boy…it’s REALLY dark.”
That pushed me over the edge.
I was like whatever, man! I don’t want to do it again (ever).
The grays are starting to get noticeable now. There’s about a half an inch of regrowth, and I can clearly see them on the top of my head and at the sides. The baby hairs along my hairline are also coming in (whee!). Things will really start to pick up over the next month, and this is probably when I’ll start to feel more self-conscious and uncomfortable.
As I was curling my hair into loose waves this morning, I realized that I’m going to be standing at the mirror with my curler one of these days and seeing long strands of gray hair.
I wonder what I’ll think… Will I like it?
Also, Connor’s getting to the age when she’ll start forming her forever memories, and she’s going to remember me as her gray-haired mommy. I know this is a completely natural part of life, but I don’t know how I feel about it yet. It’s just…an adjustment. I mean, there are other mommies at Connor’s school who rock the grays, and they look beautiful, but I don’t know how I’m going to feel about myself yet. Part of me still wants my daughter to remember me as — and this is gonna sound vain — a youthful person, and not her old mommy.
Ugh, I know how that sounds. Hearing it come out of my mouth makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but it’s true. I know that gray hair doesn’t matter at all in the greater scheme of things, but I still wanted Connor to remember me as her youthful momma.
Did I really say that out loud??
Yes I did…
Anyway, I hope I can keep this up. We’ll see. In the meantime, I’m going to keep bracing myself and doing all of the things I need to do to make myself feel less like Gollum when I look in the mirror, like doing my hair, putting on some makeup and smiling. ?
Keep on keepin’ on.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,