For the longest time — for MONTHS after Connor was born — and this may or may not sound weird, but whenever I’d take a shower, I’d cry.
Like, bawl my eyes out. My hormones were redonk for months after Connor’s debut. Also, every time I touched or glanced down at my emergency c-section scar, I broke down. I would start thinking about that night and the nurses and the fear and the doctors coming into the room to quietly discuss serious options… It was too much.
Most of the time, I was able to focus on the fact that Connor was born healthy, and that would calm me down, but standing there under the water when you’re looking at your naked body with nothing between you and a huge scar, and wishing that things had turned out differently… I felt let down by my body. It’s hard to explain. Anyway, I couldn’t even talk about it for a really long time.
Like they say, though, time heals all wounds. I’m no longer crying in the shower anymore, yay! It’s back to being the fun, safe, happy place it used to be. 🙂
Now, let’s talk about some bad-@ss body products from Caudalie.
Caudalie is a French skin care line (available at Sephora) known for adding antioxidants from the grapes in their vineyards in France. They make some of the best moisturizers and body products out there, like my old-school faves, their Vine Body Butter ($34) and Hand and Nail Cream ($15). Both are righteously rich and thick — so rich that you can pretty much kiss those scales on your shins buh-bye.
When you step out of the shower after a day at the pool and your dry skin desperately needs moisture, or if you just need some heavy-duty hydration, they’re great.
They both smell light and fresh, like soft white musk and fresh grapes, and that scent is also present in some other Caudalie products I’ve been using lately, their Nourishing Body Lotion ($30) and Foot Beauty Cream (because, obvs, your feet deserve to be pampered, too).
The Nourishing Lotion is thinner than the Vine Body Butter, so it absorbs quicker, but it’s just as moisturizing. And the Foot Beauty Cream ($15) feels like a thick paste. It takes a while to work in, but it’s totally worth it because it makes every part of my feet — even my rough outer heel (a.k.a. the “Parmesan cheese rind of my body”) — feel fabulously soft.
Also, the Eau Des Vignes Shower Gel ($12) and Eau Des Vignes Fresh Fragrance ($39), both of which are new, are currently making my shower a happier place. 🙂 They smell musky, floral and citrus-y.
The shower gel contains moisturizing aloe vera, and it’s a no-soap formula, so it’s sans bubbles (takes a minute to get used to), but I love the scent. It has notes of bergamot, iris and white musk, and it layers well with the fragrance, too, which is like a light eau du toilette. Fresh and feminine, like something from over at Tocca.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Sometime when you feel up to it, you should tell us the whole birth story.
I had an emergency c-section after being in the hospital for three days while they tried to induce me to no end. It was so scary. My blood pressure was out of control and then Michael was in distress so they did the c-section. I don’t regret that I couldn’t deliver him the way God intended. But the experience was incredibly traumatic. I really thought at one point that I was going to die. 15 years later, I can still sense that fear.
If it’s any consolation, I lost my grandfather in April and most days I cry in the car on the way to work. Not sure why the drive gets me but the grief has to get out!
So glad your shower is your happy place again and soon, so will my drive to work–to a certain extent!
XO
Jennifer
Karen so sorry ? to hear of your grandfathers passing !
Yes , crying is a good thing ;better out than in !
This too shall pass .
Connor Claire is getting so big and more beautiful! She must be a joy ?
I’m sorry for your loss, Jennifer. I didn’t grow up with either of my grandfathers but I can imagine it being very hard to lose someone pivotal in your life like that. SEnding you a hug. 🙂
Yes, time does heal all wounds, or at least puts everything into perspective! I felt the same after my kids, my body didn’t feel like my own. But now, years later, i wonder why i stressed over it!
http://www.tulipsandpersimmon.com
I want the hand cream and foot cream. My feet and hands are always drier than a wet wipe left out in the August sun.
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I totally get the postpartum crying thing – I did it frequently after Gabi was born. Izzy not so much, I guess I already knew what to expect. Recognizing hormones are extremely cray after the fact and your baby was born healthy definitely helps ease the crying game! Share or don’t share the story, it’s really up to you and it’s all good!
That Caudalie Hand/Nail cream is something I buy all the time and even gave them out as Xmas gifts along with a hand mask. This is my all time favorite hand cream. It absorbs quickly, smells light and keeps the eczema on my fingers calm. I need to buy more of the body products.
The hormones are crazy. Everyone says to be ready for them but you just don’t know until you go through it, right? I honestly didn’t think it would take this long to start to feel normal again. I’m happy that it’s happening, though. It’s feels like forever since I’ve truly felt like myself.
Beauty related: that hand cream is bomb. You have to try the body butter next! It’s NO JOKE.
I’m giving you a virtual hug and yes, one day I’m heading to Novato to shop with you!!
Yes! Although the Sephora is not as intense as the one in the city there’s always stuff to look at! 😀 Or we could meet at the bougie mall in Corte Madera where there’s a Nordstrom and Anthro.
I know what you mean about crying in the shower. Just over a year ago I suffered a serious fall in my bathroom in which my lower left arm was ripped open by the flush handle on my loo. I had to have plastic surgery to repair the wound, involving internal stitches and 29 external stitches. It took two and a half months to heal. The worst of it was that my mum was receiving treatment for terminal cancer at the time and she suffered a major stroke on the day of my operation. She didn’t recover and died 4 days later. For many months the sight of my scar made me cry both because the accident itself was really traumatic but also because in my mind it was all tied up with my mum dying. I’m better now but that huge scar will always be there to remind me of a verry unhappy time in my life. On a happier note, I too adore Caudalie body products, especially the The des Vignes shower gel and eau de toilette which both smell of orange blossom – divine!
I’m can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been and still must be to work through all those feelings, Jane. I’m sorry for your loss. Sending you a big hug. 🙂
I get the crying in the shower thing completely! Not to put a damper on things, but wait until menopause hits. I can say that since I reached 53, I have been a waterfall at times. And why the shower!! Now that I will be turning 58 in a few months, it hasn’t been that bad, but play a corny song and I can lose it easily.
The Caudalie products sound nice. I have been using some of Burt’s Bees products such a the citrus and ginger body was and a cocoa butter body cream. May have to give them a try. I need to find the closest Sephora store.
Be well!
I don’t know what it is about the shower… Maybe it’s the sound of the water? It’s soothing and steady so it allows your mind to wander? I just know I’m going to be a mess when menopause happens. I should probably start mentally preparing myself now!
Karen,
Thank you for sharing your experience. We so often feel that we can’t show weakness this way and yet here you are. It encourages me to be more open.
I’ve never had a baby but understand the idea of this kind of “body horror” that is different to wrap our minds around. I’m sure being with the beautiful Connor Claire soothes a log of the ragged emotions.
I’m glad you’re feeling much better now. I hope someday you can look at the scar of think of beginning of her life rather than one scary day.
Thank you, Pamela, for these sweet words. 🙂
I’d like to thank you for your great writing, including the humorous, the beauty-related, and the more serious posts. Like your earlier poster, I am one of your older readers and whether it’s hormones or not, we women are so strong. I think part of our strength is our ability to share – either with friends and family in person, or with friends through writing and photos. Your blog is amazing – I knew it was special when I saw your posts on Tabs. Great beauty writing but you also seem like a real and genuine person. I am always recommending MBB!
Diane, you are so kind. Thank you for reading and being a part of the site here in the comments. Have a good rest of your day and give yourself a big hug for me, please.
I was fortunate enough to be able to deliver both my babies the old-fashioned way, and I still felt like by body had been taken over by aliens for several months afterward. Add the physical and mental demands of nursing, no sleep, etc. and it’s just tremendously stressful. I used the cry in the shower too, and for some reason, every time I exercised. I would be on the treadmill or in a kickboxing class, and the tears would come pouring out. People would ask if I was okay and I would just blubber, “Sorry, I’m post-partum”. And every mother in the room would immediately nod in recognition and understanding. And I would leave feeling lighter and stronger and more able to cope.
Those tears in the shower were a safety valve, a way for you to let out your emotions and your stress and your fear in a healthy way. You needed that outlet – we all do. If the craziest thing you do is cry in the shower you are actually doing really, really well.
Thank you, Rebecca. This really helps me sense of that time. I never thought of the tears as a safety valve — now I see that it was something I truly needed.
Man, I can totally relate to the shower breakdown. I had two similar experiences. One involved having a kidney removed, and the other involved giving birth to my son and then getting readmitted to the hospital and being separated when he was 4 days old.
There are definitely certain triggers that bring back these memories. It gets better. And know that you have a happy, healthy baby. That’s what I think about when I think about all the struggles.
Love the blog and love all the Bay Area shout outs!
Yes, for sure. Whenever I’d start spiraling I’d try to focus on all the blessings. It really helps.
And Bay Area love FOREVER!
Oh Karen, I wish I knew what to say, that must have been so hard for you. I’m glad the shower is a happy place again and that you can enjoy all the fruity, fragrant and delicious smelling shower and bath products.
Caudalie is quite expensive in OZ (and even worse in the UK when you’re converting from AUD to GBP) so I haven’t tried many of their products. The foot cream does sound great though, might have to give it a go.
Hi Deanna,
Thank you. It’s amazing how time really does help ease the pain.
Anyway, Caudalie! The foot cream is great, but the hand and nail cream… Amazing! You’ll use every last drop.
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles after giving birth. It is a hard time anyway, feeling like a stranger in your body, and if you add a traumatic experience to that it can be a huge problem. I know you shared a little already about your birth experience and what you did afterwards to feel better, but no one will ever be able to fully grasp what really happened there.
You are an amazing mother to a wonderful girl and your body has done miracle work in growing and shaping her.
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Thanks, Linda. 🙂 You’re very sweet. ❤️
Do the body products have the same scent as the facial products? I love that- so fresh and clean. I would have to order these though, so no way to smell them before ordering.
Hi Tara,
Yes, they do. They smell just as fresh and clean! And they’re super moisturizing, too. Where are you going to order them from? Sephora has a really good return policy, and they carry the line.
I think the best way to describe yourself is “brave”, your experience was hard but for me the fact that you’re overcoming it and you’re opening yourself is really important; I really wish nothing of it has happened but you know I always say scars are like courage trophies so I hope later you’ll be proud of it because it also meant Connor was delivered as a healthy girl.
Sending you lots of hugs, te quiero.
You’re the sweetest, dear friend.
Everyday we’re alive, even on days when it just seems we’re living our regular life, we do courageous things. It takes courage to keep going, right?
I hope you’re doing well.