With summer and lighter clothing right around the corner, my never-ending battle against excess fur kicks into overdrive this weekend. Not only have I been too lazy to wax, but I hate shaving. That, and I don’t have the pain tolerance for laser hair removal. Avoidance of hair removal = furry Karen. I’m a straight-up YETI right now.
But I’ve reached my limits; I’ve hit the hairy wall. It’s time to deal with this fur situation one way or another.
YOU MUST CHOOSE! — the Sasquatch Edition.
Sasquatch Situation #1
Would you rather 1) have a really hairy bum (I’m talking shag carpet hairy), or 2) no eyebrows? YOU MUST CHOOSE!
Sasquatch Situation #2
You finally meet your dream boy. He’s perfect in every way … except for one little hair issue. Unfortunately, he’s inherited a rare disease which causes hair to grow unchecked in specific places. Waxing, shaving — NOTHING stops it from growing, and when his hair gets removed, it instantly reappears. Poof!
If you could choose which parts of his body exhibited the disease, would you rather they be 1) his nose and ears, or 2) his back (where you could braid it for him)? YOU MUST CHOOSE!
Sasquatch Situation #3
It’s time for a haircut, so you head to your favorite stylist’s chair for summer bee-yoo-ti-ficatin. Sadly, your stylist has just switched meds, and he frequently falls a little off his rocker. He handcuffs you to the chair and proclaims you his hostage!
He says he’ll release you after he’s finished giving you a “special” 80s-inspired haircut. To make matters worse, earlier that morning you had two cups of coffee and a bran muffin. You gotta get out of that chair, ASAP!
Crazy stylist gives you three options:
Hair like that guy from Flock of Seagulls…
The asymmetrical Salt n’ Pepa cut…
C.C. Deville’s massive, orbit-worthy mane…
YOU MUST CHOOSE!
Well, I’m off to buy some Sally Hansen Wax Strips. SIGH!
How do you feel about hair removal? Are you one of those lucky ladies who never needs to shave?
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,