You Must Choose: The Sasquatch Edition

Published in: Just For Fun

makeup-and-beauty-blog-youmustchoose-052308

With summer and lighter clothing right around the corner, my never-ending battle against excess fur kicks into overdrive this weekend. Not only have I been too lazy to wax, but I hate shaving. That, and I don’t have the pain tolerance for laser hair removal. Avoidance of hair removal = furry Karen. I’m a straight-up YETI right now.

But I’ve reached my limits; I’ve hit the hairy wall. It’s time to deal with this fur situation one way or another.

YOU MUST CHOOSE! — the Sasquatch Edition.

Sasquatch Situation #1

Would you rather 1) have a really hairy bum (I’m talking shag carpet hairy), or 2) no eyebrows? YOU MUST CHOOSE!

Sasquatch Situation #2

You finally meet your dream boy. He’s perfect in every way … except for one little hair issue. Unfortunately, he’s inherited a rare disease which causes hair to grow unchecked in specific places. Waxing, shaving — NOTHING stops it from growing, and when his hair gets removed, it instantly reappears. Poof!

If you could choose which parts of his body exhibited the disease, would you rather they be 1) his nose and ears, or 2) his back (where you could braid it for him)? YOU MUST CHOOSE!

Sasquatch Situation #3

It’s time for a haircut, so you head to your favorite stylist’s chair for summer bee-yoo-ti-ficatin. Sadly, your stylist has just switched meds, and he frequently falls a little off his rocker. He handcuffs you to the chair and proclaims you his hostage!

He says he’ll release you after he’s finished giving you a “special” 80s-inspired haircut. To make matters worse, earlier that morning you had two cups of coffee and a bran muffin. You gotta get out of that chair, ASAP!

Crazy stylist gives you three options:

Hair like that guy from Flock of Seagulls…
flock-of-seagulls-1

The asymmetrical Salt n’ Pepa cut…
salt-pepa

C.C. Deville’s massive, orbit-worthy mane…
cc-deville

YOU MUST CHOOSE!

Well, I’m off to buy some Sally Hansen Wax Strips. SIGH!

How do you feel about hair removal? Are you one of those lucky ladies who never needs to shave?

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

38 Comments

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  1. Bridget says:

    Sasquatch Situation #1

    2) no eyebrows!! I can’t even imagine having a hairy butt. That is just too much.haha

    Sasquatch Situation #2

    2) his back. Because I don’t have to look at it if I don’t want to.haha Plus, nights get cold in NY. :P

    Sasquatch Situation #3

    I could totally do the flock of seagulls.hahah It looks so versatile. :P

    These are hilarious. Now I’m going to photoshop me with that hair do and see how it really looks!

    Before I had all my knee surgeries I had really light thin hair on my legs. But every since, only in the places they put the dark sterlization liquid(not sure what it was), that portion of my leg hairs grow in darker and coarser. I haaate it. Especially since it’s right in front where I have to take care of it… naturally!

    I’ve never used wax before, I’m too afraid. Veet is my best friend.

    Have a great Memorial Day weekend! Thank a vet :)

    Bridgets last blog post..I’m sorry for the rain!

  2. Jeanne says:

    Oh wow! Tough! I’ve been grumbling about the hair removing too (I hate shaving and I’ve never been able to get self-wax stuff to work); I’m curious about the Sephora no!no!, though, even though it’s $250…

    1. I would have to go with “no eyebrows”. I’d just have to draw them on every day, I guess. Plus they’re already a little uneven (little!Jeanne ran into a table), so it wouldn’t be so bad compared to a furbutt.

    2. When we’re talking nose, do you mean like a wild and out of control mustache, or all over the entire nose? Because I can handle a mustache; a big ball of fur in the middle of the face, though… If it is big-ball-o’-fur, then I’d have to say back.

    3. I’d do the Salt’n’Pepa asymmetrical cut. I could make it work. Maybe.

    Have a great Memorial Day weekend!!

    Jeannes last blog post..This Week in Total Beauty: May 23

  3. Amanda says:

    hey Karen! *waves* I haven’t commented in a while. :-) These are hilariouw-how do you think up this stuff??? LOL

    sit #1-I’ll go with no eyebrows-I’ll learn to draw em on

    sit #2-boy, this is the hardest one for me to choose. Um, back I guess. It will be covered *most* of the time.

    sit #3-I’ve always, always, always wanted to try pink hair (truly! I kid you not). not so much with the big 80′s orb, but it is pink none the less, so CC’s hair!

  4. Lehea says:

    Your “You Must Choose” entries are hilarious! Here’s my input on this one.
    1) As much as I lurrrve my eyebrows, I’d give them up over a hairy bum any day.

    2) Definitely the back. I’ll just beg him not to ever go shirtless in public. LOL!

    3) Being a product of the 80s, I liked this question the most. Love Salt n’ Pepa (Have you seen their show on VH-1?), so I’d pick their look. I think that could actually make a comeback, minus the teasing. :P

  5. Elyse says:

    1) No eyebrows. I’ve never heard of anyone with a really hairy bum and I certainly don’t want to be the first to show it when wearing a bathing suit.
    2) His back. Hairy ears make me think of really old men.
    3) C.C. Deville’s mane, cause I need it (lol)! I have a big face and thick, flat (at the crown) hair, so the big do could give my face some balance (maybe).

  6. vivien says:

    1] No eyebrows
    2] His back
    3] C.C. Deville, My hair is very long, thin, and flat so it would be especially funny to see it all puffed up like that!! I am actually one of the lucky girls who doesn’t have to worry much about shaving. I only shave once a week [when I do my sunless tanner and exfoliation] because I’m a natural fair-skinned blonde so like all my body hair is thin and blonde. HOWEVER, the downside is that I am SO damn fair! My best friend is completely opposite of me, shes tan, dark hair, dark eyes. Whereas I am fair, blonde hair, blue eyes. We have this conversaion alll the time bc she complains about having to shave everyday and I complain about being so fair….I guess the grass is always greener!! Have a great weekend!!!

  7. Glosslizard says:

    Hey, girl! Your fertile imagination has been working overtime hasn’t it? Love it!

    #1 I was gonna go with a hairy butt following the no-show vs. show, but all the other comments have made me reconsider! I guess drawn-on brows aren’t such a bad thing!

    #2 Gonna stick with the no-show on this, a hairy back and a closetful of shirts with high collars!

    #3 I like the C.C. Deville as long as I get to style it, aside from the paleness of the hair, it doesn’t really look too far off from my fluffy mane on a bad bedhead morning! :D If we have to take it as is, I’ll rock the Salt n’ Pepa!

    I have dark hair, but it’s pretty fine so I can get away with shaving once a week (as long as no one’s looking too closely)! Occasionally I wax just for the extra-smooth finish and no shaving for 3-4 weeks! I’m not too bent out of shape over the whole thing, but I sure wouldn’t mind never having to do it again! ;)

  8. Miss QQ says:

    #1 Hairy bum. I do not like the no eyebrows / drawn-on brows look.

    #2 His back. Looks more ticklish if its on the ears and nose.

    #3 I kind of like C.C. Deville’s. It looks pretty fierce! But I’ll go with asymmetrical Salt n’ Pepa cut because it will take a lot of time and effort to brush Deville’s mane!

    I shave but I have very fine hair (applies to those on my head too) and they are hardly visible so it is still ok when I’m too lazy to shave.

  9. Jessica says:

    1. No brows. There are some great pencils and powders out there.

    2. Aiee! Okay, back, I guess. This one was bad.

    3. C.C. Deville. That do is mostly style, not cut, so it would be pretty versatile once I got out. And hey, I’ve been blonde before (although not for several years).

    Jessicas last blog post..Lessons from My Mother

  10. Lydia says:

    Situation 1:
    No eyebrows- Because I could draw them on or something lol.
    Situation 2:
    His back
    Situation 3:
    Cc Deville
    I hate hair removal! My leg hair grows in so blonde it’s like white though because I’m a redhead so you can’t really see it… but I still shave a lot because I don’t like the feel of being hairy.

    Lydias last blog post..Mac Cosmetics Neo Sci Fi Collection

  11. Joanna says:

    1. No eyebrows definitely, I could always learn to draw them in everyday. It’s so much more easier to live with than a hairy butt, lol.

    2. Hairy back! I would just make him wear turtlenecks 24/7. Rain or shine :)

    3. C.C. Devilee. That much volume would be awesome, lol.

    I usually wax once a month and shave every couple of days. Luckily for me I’m not a hairy gal. I can go a couple of days without shaving before I notice

  12. Marisol says:

    1 – No eye brows. I can always fake them with a little brow powder and wax.

    2 – Definitely his back.

    2 – Give me a lil Salt N Peppa… push it real good!

    Marisols last blog post..omg… I totally pumped my fist in the air.

  13. Mariah says:

    Sasquatch Situation #1
    Ok, I think I’m going to go with the hairy bum. You can always cover that up, yes? I mean, even with swimming, there’s boycut with ruffles, no one would ever be the wiser!

    Sasquatch Situation #2
    I guess his back. I wouldn’t have to look directly at it. I guess. But then, those cavemen on the Geico ads ain’t too shabby… ;)

    Sasquatch Situation #3
    Ok, for this I have to go with CC Deville, because then I would look like Jem, and be truly, truly, truly outrageous! (Doesn’t hurt that Gem is actually my middle name too!)
    But that one was a toughy, because I love me some Flock o’ Seagulls, so I would totally rock that too.

    And I raaaaaaaaaan, I ran so far awaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy…

    Mariahs last blog post..A Week in the Life of MariahGem, Volume 4

  14. CA$H says:

    #1 No eyebrows. (i have none right now because i was curious two weeks ago, and they take forever to grow back fully!)

    #2 His back. No one would see it as much as the others.

    #3 The second one! I could make it work. ;]

  15. Ping. says:

    hahaha this is so crazy..!!!

    1. hairy bum! erm.. i will just not wear bikini and all haha
    2. his back! at least it mmight have the same feel as chest hair.. but just at the back haha
    3. the orbit mane! and i can pretend to be a rockstar! hahahhaa

    enjoy your weekend!
    and same i hate shaving.. sigh

  16. Megan says:

    1. it would have to be no eyebrows. I couldn’t stand a hairy bum and i could easily draw eyebrows back on.
    2. eurghhh .. would have to be his back. I don’t know if he would be my perfect man still though..
    3. CC’s hair! I could easily de-frizz it and if i wasnt sure of the colour i could dye it back. I couldn’t cope with the other cuts as because they are so short it’s hard to fix!!

    I hate shaving too ..

    By the way, i was wondering if you could help me? I am planning on moving over to America to study beauty. I was going to live with my relatives in Los Angeles and i know you dont live there but if you have heard about ANY beauty schools then then that would be great.

    Thanks a lot, Megan

  17. Hillary says:

    1. Hairy Bum. You didn’t say anything about the hair magically reappearing on this one, so I would just wax/Veet that thing on a regular basis. :) Besides, I don’t have the artistic ability to draw on realistic-looking eyebrows every day.

    2. His back. I could learn to live with a hairy back, but ears and nose? Ewwww….

    3. I would rock the Salt N’ Pepa cut. I already have one of those bobs where the hair is longer in the front than in the back, so it probably wouldn’t take long to grow it back out to normal. Besides, I love Salt N’Pepa, so it would be kinda like an homage.

  18. Erin says:

    OK… let’s see here…
    1. Definitely no eyebrows. I could always have them tatooed on or something LOL.

    2. This question made me throw up a little. Ew. I guess his back. Gross. ew.

    3. Definitely CC Deville!! I would so rock that. My hair is so flat right now, it would be a nice change!

  19. Megan says:

    Okay so

    I’m going with no eyebrows…fo real…no hairy butts Thanks…

    He would definitely get the hairy back… BTW there’s a real condition called hypertrichosis…or werewolf syndrome – I read abook that had a charachter with it once. Which is essentially the condition you describe it’s genetic…only some of them pretty much have hair just about all over… but it’s rare. The only real solution is laser removal.

    I’m going to rock the Salt and Pepa asymmetrical…. I can totally handle that.

    And all in all I’m not super hairy. I never wax. I pluck stray eyebrow hairs…shave my underarms ~every other day, and shave my legs ~once a week to week and a half. I do hate shaving… it just takes too much time and concentration in the morning…and I never have my contacts in when showering…so it’s hard to see etc.

  20. Karen says:

    Hi Bridget,

    Wax isn’t too bad. It’s actually pretty easy to use. I started with the sugar wax, which washes off with water. I like the kits from Parisa. :) It’s just a PIA to do and I’ve been really lazy.

    I’ve never used Veet! Dunno why, but it kinda scares me (totally irrational, I know…).

    Maybe I’ll pick some up this weekend and experiment.

    You have a great Memorial Day, too.

  21. Karen says:

    Hi Jeanne,

    Nose means hair coming OUT OF THE NOSE! (ewww!)

    What wax have you tried? I’ve noticed that some brands work better than others. I like Parisa Hard Wax because it takes *everything* off, quickly. Nothing else I’ve tried works as well.

    You have a great Memorial Day weekend, too. Do you have any plans?

  22. Karen says:

    Hi Amanda,

    *waves back* HEY! Long time no talk! LOL, yeah, I dunno where it comes from. I have always had an overactive imagination, I guess. Oh, I’ve also had lots of practice with trying to out-gross other people. My friend, NBLACK (he occasionally pops up on the blog), and I used to play “YOU MUST CHOOSE” every day during our work break. He was pretty good at cooking up impossibly disgusting situations. I owe him a lot for pushing the art form to it’s next level, ha!

    I’ve always wanted pink hair, too! I think now that I’m in my 30s I can only pull off tastefully executed pink chunks, and not a full head of hair.

    Anyhoo, what’ve you been up to? And what you have going on for this loooong weekend?

  23. Karen says:

    Hi Lehea,

    Thanks! I’m a product of the 80s, too. I actually danced to “Push It” at the eighth grade dance, LOLOL. Don’t make me bust out my Cabbage Patch….

    I’ve seen their show a few times on VH-1. It seems like Salt just really wants to move on with her life.

    Happy Saturday!

  24. Karen says:

    Hi Elyse,

    LOL, so I think there are hairy bums out there… they do exist, but I’m glad to say I haven’t seen one, either!

    C.C. Deville’s hair is turning out to be very popular. :)

    Have a great weekend!

  25. Karen says:

    Hi Vivien,

    Awww, good thing we’ve got the modern miracle of sunless tanners! I don’t use them but I’ve heard Jergen’s is very popular.

    I am so in your friend’s boat. It sucks to shave every day! *pouts*

  26. Karen says:

    Hi Glosslizard,

    LOL, yeah, it has. Seriously, some company needs to hire me, put me in a room, and let me just think of weird stuff for them all day long! That’s a job I could excel at, ha!

    Maybe you could tattoo the brows on if need be? Hmmm…

    Happy Saturday! Have fun shopping with your gal pal today!

  27. Karen says:

    Hi Miss QQ,

    I agree, during the height of big 80s hair C.C. had it going on. The Salt n’ Pepa looks considerably more low maintenance.

    Have a good day. :)

  28. Karen says:

    Hi Jessica,

    I’ve never been a blonde before… had some seriously blonde streaks back in the day, but never went full on. Did you find you had more fun?

  29. Karen says:

    Hi Lydia,

    I hear that, sister! I hate hair removal, too. You’re lucky, though, that it’s not too visible. When my hair grows in you can see it from a mile away.

    Hope you’re having a good weekend!

  30. Karen says:

    Hi Marisol,

    LOL, I loves me some old school Salt n’ Pepa, too.

  31. Karen says:

    Hi Mariah,

    When I was a kid my friends and I was really obsessed with Jem. We would ponder the purple-ness of Rio’s hair, and then call him a two timer (Jem AND Jessica? You can’t have ‘em both, Rio!).

  32. Karen says:

    Hi Ping,

    You make me laugh! You have a great weekend too!

  33. Karen says:

    Hi Hilary,

    Yeah, but wouldn’t it be a pain to be constantly shaving your bum? Not to mention hard…

    I love Salt n’ Pepa, too. I can’t even count how many times I’ve listened to Push it and rocked the eff out, LOL.

  34. Karen says:

    Hi Erin,

    Viva la hairspray! I bet that big hair would be kinda fun, cause you could hid stuff in it, too.

  35. Karen says:

    Hi Megan,

    Yeah, you could totally rock the Salt n’ Pepa hair and make it *work*.

    Hypertrichosis! Now what would I do without you to give me these interesting and random facts?!?

  36. Karen says:

    Hi CA$H,

    Yeah! Rock that Salt n’ Pepa asymmetrical cut!

  37. Karen says:

    Hi Megan,

    I’m in Northern California, so I can’t really tell you about the LA area, but I do know a makeup artist in Southern California who might know a few schools that she can refer you to. Her name is Melissa Street; check out her site, EpicMakeup.com. Good luck!

  38. Holley says:

    Sasquatch Situation #1
    I would definitely keep my eyebrows and go for a hairy bum. There has to be someone out there who finds that really sexy- which I realize sounds nothing short of creepy, haha. I just love my eyebrows too much to ever give them up!

    Sasquatch Situation #2
    Hairy back, for reals. Ear and nose hair reminds me of my grandpa, and I just could not cope with my dream boy being like my g-pa. Ew.

    Sasquatch Situation #3
    I would take that C.C. Deville do and as Tim Gunn says, make it work! There has to be some way to turn that into an ironic hairdo that looks fierce, I just know it. Plus, pink hair. Come on now. Gwen could pull it off, so can I!

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