“My hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps.”
— From the lyrical masterpiece, “My Humps,” by the Black Eyed Peas
Hmmm, am I the only person on this planet confused by what Fergie’s singing about in this song? She’s talking about her bum, right? Or do these words have a deeper symbolic meaning that only forward-thinking philosophers can truly understand?
The only thing I can say with certainty is Fergie ain’t crooning about 1.) Wednesdays (aka Hump Days) or 2.) dromedaries.
Anyway, in honor of Wednesdays, humps and lumps, here’s today’s edition of YOU MUST CHOOSE!
Would you rather…
1. Have a really great looking bum (it’s so great planets could revolve around it and poets would write odes to it) but have a missing front tooth (which you can’t replace — you’re a straight up jack o’ lantern, yo).
2. Have a really great looking bum (and both your front teeth) but be cursed with a lifetime full of ill-fitting, terribly uncomfortable bras?
YOU MUST CHOOSE!
You know what to do.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,