Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
A cat who wants to celebrate without a party
DEAR TABBY: Ten years ago I was a pint-sized, unkempt kitten renting a room at a shelter while interviewing prospective candidates for my forever home. One day a girl walked in and knocked the interview out of the park, so I hired her on the spot, and we’ve been together ever since.
Now our 10-year adoption day anniversary is coming up, and she wants to celebrate with a big blowout, inviting all of our feline-loving friends and some of the neighborhood cats, too.
The thing is, I’m kind of shy.
It’s not that I hate the spotlight. It’s just that I’d rather not put our professional relationship on display.
How do I tell her that while I support the idea of celebrating our anniversary and want to make her happy, I really don’t want a party?
—Private in Peoria
DEAR PRIVATE IN PEORIA: As a cat also in a long-term assistant-feline relationship (eight years going strong!), I’ve learned a thing or two on this crazy ride, and one of those things is compromise.
You want to be honest, but maybe you can both reach a good halfway point. Ask her if you can keep the event to a smaller, more intimate gathering of maybe just your closest friends, and tell her that big parties aren’t your thing.
Or, you could go the more selfless route and make the best of the larger party. After all, this is the assistant you hired all those years ago, and it sounds like you’ve shared a lot of good times together.
A cat who doesn’t like being told what to do
DEAR TABBY: Such a big fan! In fact, you were the cat who inspired me to pursue my lifelong dream of kitty modeling.
So, I’ve been getting steady gigs over the past six months, and to treat myself I decided to take my kitty modeling earnings and invest in some fancy and expensive accessories, namely collars from Burberry and Chanel.
The thing is, my feline partner, who’s also my roommate and an aspiring kitty model, says that I’m wasting my money. He keeps telling me that I should invest in a 401k and save for a rainy day because looks don’t last forever.
I totally understand that, Tabby, but it’s just — this is my thing. I don’t think it’s his place to tell me how I should spend my kitty modeling money, it’s putting a strain on our relationship. What should I do?
DEAR FANCY COLLARS: You’re right. How you spend your own kitty modeling money is your business, and your business alone, but please keep in mind that what your partner has said does have merit.
He’s right that looks don’t last forever, and kitty modeling is a notoriously fickle business. One minute you’re in, the next you’re out.
I love fancy collars just as much as the next cat, but perhaps you could put a little money away from every paycheck? Because you never know.
It’s always good to have that extra security, and don’t you want to be able to support yourself in your old kitty age without having to rely on other cats?
Cats who don’t communicate
DEAR TABBY: I’d like to know why some cats say things like, “Oh! You have a new lion cut,” or “Oh! You changed your cat tower,” but never say anything else. Why do they even bring it up in the first place? Are they trying to make some kind of statement or give their opinion? I just don’t understand why they say things like that without following it up. Why do they do it?
—A Confused Cat
DEAR CONFUSED CAT: Perhaps those cats just lack an internal filter. It happens. Some cats have to say every single thing that pops into their head.
If you’d like to encourage conversation, you could always follow up with, “Why do you ask?” or, “Yes, what do you think about it?” and see where that goes, but I can’t guarantee it will always go someplace you want.
Coexisting with cozy humans
DEAR TABBY: The other day I walked in on my assistant and her male companion unclothed in a compromising position, and I didn’t know what to do! Run and hide, mewl loudly or just play it cool? I froze.
What’s the proper etiquette in these situations, Tabby?
—Awkward in Arizona
DEAR AWKWARD IN ARIZONA: Oh, Americans! You’re so uptight! I mean, I’m American too, but I take a decidedly French position on this. You just kind of have to roll with it.
Doesn’t make me a perv or anything. I’m just kind of cool with human sexuality. Most of the time, if I’m too lazy to leave the room, I’ll hang out, look the other way, maybe take a nap. Sometimes I’ll give myself a bath.
Really, it depends on my mood. I vote that you claim your space, look the other way and play it cool. You’re a cat of modern times, after all.
Much love always,