Chanel Le Vernis Nail Colour in Paparazzi, $27

The closest I’ve ever come to the end of a paparazzo’s lens was standing next to Tabs on the red carpet.

Second closest time was today, via Chanel’s $27 Paparazzi plum nail polish concoction.

That’s one way I definitely don’t envy Tabs — having to deal with the paparazzi so much — since they always seem to appear at the most inopportune moments.

With my luck, every pic they snapped would be of me yawning, sneezing or attempting to stealthily extract my underwear from my bum…

No thank you!

I like Chanel’s Paparazzi much better than the ones that chase Tabs.

Maybe not as much as I like Starlet, but that’s probably because of how close we are to summer, and Starlet’s coral just seems more ripe and ready for sandals and summer dresses to me (Calgon, take me to the beach!).

Just like how Starlet spreads out across each nail after it’s applied, Paparazzi does the same thing. Neither shade exhibits noticeable streaking.

One thing I do have to watch when I wear Paprazzi is my timing. You have to be in the right place at the right time with this polish.

Two coats of Paparazzi…

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Now playing on Chanel counters and online, the new $27 limited edition Chanel Le Vernis Nail Colour in Starlet, from the Avant-Premiere collection

This leading lady is worthy of a summer tentpole film and a handful of Oscar nominations. Maybe even a sleeper hit that takes Sundance by storm, or a blockbuster rom-com opposite a foppish Brit boy with floppy hair and nice arms.

This Starlet has some serious stage presence. Chanel Le Vernis Nail Colour in Starlet has that certain something I like, that “it” factor that pushes it ahead of so many sweet and summery coral ingenues.

Admittedly, I rarely meet a coral I don’t love or like, and Starlet is no exception. But it differs from most coral shades in that it also leans pink, depending on the light, to showcase more of its rich pink salmon side in the shade and a cherry blossom pink in full sun. It also has subtle opalescent shimmer, which elevates its production value from indie film to Hollywood big budget.

I was so excited to try Starlet the day I brought it home that I actually painted my toes with it in the middle of the night in almost pitch-black darkness before settling down to watch one of our generation’s most esteemed films, Step Brothers (“This is a house of learn-ed doctors”), and passing out on the couch.

Not really being able to see what I was doing because I didn’t want to turn on the lights, I expected to have to re-paint my toes the following morning.

Nope. Turns out I didn’t have to. To my surprise, my toes looked nearly perfect, because Starlet is smooove…

You could be painting your toes with one eye half open in the dark, and there’s a decent chance your pedi would turn out alright.

Starlet, you are smooth! I only need two coats for full opacity.

Is that J-E-L-L-O? Nope, it’s Clarins Instant Smooth Lip Gel in Crystal Pink ($22)

My lower lip quivered like Jell-O jiggling on a school lunch tray the first time I touched one of these new $22 Clarins Instant Smooth Crystal Lip Gels.

That’s because it promised moisture — and lots of it — something my perpetually parched lips always crave.

Crystal Plum (darker tube) and Crystal Pink

Shiny like a lip gloss and moisturizing like a balm, Crystal Pink and Crystal Plum make me look like I’ve been kissing Jell-O, or strawberry and raspberry jelly, which is kind of weird but also cool.

Good jelly, too. None of that shiny slime that washes up on shore, or like when you take out a bowl of cold, fatty gravy from the fridge and it wiggles like The Blob when you move it back and forth.

Ewww…

Nope, not like that.

Just a translucent veil of wet color, almost like I’m holding a piece of shiny red or purple cellophane up to my lips.

Crystal Pink on the left and Crystal Plum on the right

Love is a many-Splendoured thing, as evidenced by the Clarins Splendours Summer Bronzing Compact ($35)

Introducing the $35 Clarins Splendours Summer Bronzing Compact — not to be confused with Splenda, the artificial sweetener, despite the fact that the faux tan I get from it looks completely real, and that is pretty sweet.

Can’t say whether it actually tastes sweet, though…but I’m guessing, probably not.

When I used it last weekend to contour my cheeks, my mom, who I hadn’t seen in a few weeks, asked if I’d been eating enough and if I’d lost weight.

Yes, Mom, I have been eating enough, and no, I haven’t lost weight (said the girl who just had two slices of leftover birthday cake today after lunch).

It must be Splendours’ fault. A matte, medium-dark peachy golden brown, it resides on the darker side of the powder bronzing spectrum. Brushing it beneath my cheekbones sculpts them into sharp wedges of RuPaul/Tyra-style cheddar cheese.

Perfect for when I’m air quoting and don’t want my long, E.T.-like fingers (E.T. phone home!) to be distracting…

Just stare at mah cheeks, man!!

“Air quotes”

Among the many splendors of Splendours, the 0.7-ounce pan is HUGE! It’s a tabby toe-size bigger than Guerlain’s 0.67-ounce pan of Terra Nerolia Bronzer ($69), which till now had been my default bronzer for the past two months.

That reminds me, I keep meaning to mention that Splendours might be a good alternative to paying almost 70 bones for a bronzer from Guerlain, since the colors are quite similar.

You might even like the Clarins one more, especially if you aren’t wild about tiare flower scents. I find Terra Nerolia’s fragrance intoxicating, albeit heavy.

Color-wise, Splendours, which has a faint tea rose scent, is slightly darker and less golden.

If I were also being super nitpicky, I think Terra Nerolia’s grains look and feel a tad finer, but really, unless you’re bucking for a spot in the bronzer edition of Ultimate Makeup Hoarders, I don’t think that’s reason enough to justify the difference in price.

Swatches from the left: Peach center of Splendours, outer section of Splendours, both the peach and tan mixed together (yup, from Splendours) and a comparison swatch from Guerlain’s Terra Nerolia Bronzer

That’s the new $42 Clarins Splendours Colour Quartet & Eye Liner Palette on my eyes

WARNING: Do not wear the new Clarins Splendours Colour Quartet & Eye Liner Palette ($42) unless you plan to kick all other gold summer eye palettes to the curb.

Put another way, if this were makeup high school, it’s the palette that would have been voted “Most Likely To Be Mistaken for Cookies” in the yearbook.

And we all know how awesome cookies are.

Remember those things?

Wait — no, not cookies. I mean those yearbook things where the seniors cast a bunch of votes for “Most Likely To…”

I wasn’t really one of those kids, but I was voted “Too Sexy for This Band” by my compatriots in the musical arts (BAND GEEKS!). And to this day I have no idea whether they were being serious or sarcastic…

Still, I’m surprised it wasn’t “Most Likely to Become a Cat Lady.” You feel me?

Yep, hindsight’s 20/20.

Like one of those popular girls who got nominated for everything (Best Hair, Most Likely to Succeed, Biggest Flirt, Best Pronunciation in Spanish Class), the categories in which this palette would dominate are…

• Most Likely To Flatter Warm-Toned Tans
• Most Likely To Dance From Dawn Till Dusk With a Minimum of Creasing and Fading
• Most Likely To Be Mistaken for a Dior Quint
• Most Likely To Mix It Up (as in mixing colors to create your own custom shades, which I’ve been doing a lot with this palette and really liking my results)
• Most Likely To Be the Palette That Melts Your Makeup-Loving Heart This Summer

Inside are four shimmery powder shadows — three golden shades (a rose gold, copper gold and a pale gold) and a plummy chocolate brown — and a creamy plum liner, all of which work together as well as root beer and vanilla ice cream.

Swatches from the left: the powder eyeshadows in pale gold, pinkish gold, coppery gold and chocolate brown; and the cream liner in plum

For day, go casual with a single wash of color over your lids (or mix two of the shadows together), and line your lash lines with the soft, smudgy liner.

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