Holy Smokes! Just My Two Cents, but I hope you don’t mind that I’m wearing my Bikini-Tini. Translation: Here I’m wearing the newly repackaged $19 Benefit Creaseless Cream Shadows in Bikini-Tini, My Two Cents and Holy Smokes

If, when you read the title of this post, your eyes bugged out and you felt a sudden surge of panic as you exclaimed, “OMG! Did Benefit get rid of Skinny Jeans!?” chillax, kitty cat (as I often tell Tabs).

No need to shake your fist angrily, and shout like we’re in the audience on The Maury Povich Show. Benefit’s got our back.

Yes, they repackaged their Creaseless Cream Shadows. Yes, they added some new colors. Yes, they discontinued some of the old-school shades (RIP, Sippin’ N Dippin’), but they did keep three all-star shades from the existing line, and one of ‘em is Skinny Jeans, THANK GAWD!

Because if they’d gotten rid of Skinny Jeans, first, I would’ve freaked! — then, I would’ve had my unicorn teleport me to Sephora to pick up every last pot. Then, I would’ve cryogenically frozen them to keep them fresh for the day when I’m buried next to Tabs in his pyramid…

My point is this: don’t panic (she says, rocking you back and forth gently).

Of the 10 new Creaseless Creams, seven are new shades, and three — Skinny Jeans, R.S.V.P. and Birthday Suit — are old-school MVPs.

So wipe that glittery perspiration from your perfectly plucked eyebrows. Things are gonna be okay.

I’m waiting to hear back from Benefit about the formula they used for these and whether it’s new or remained the same, but as far as I can tell, these new versions look, feel and behave like the previous Creaseless Creams.

Lightweight and creamy, they’re easy to build up in layers or apply sheer, and they last on my lids all day long. They also remain the same 0.16-ounce size and price: $19.

Um…anyone else getting a Paul & Joe vibe? Not that I’m complaining. I love how these look (part of me hopes the Bene-babes go full-on Paul & Joe cat lady one of these days).

Oh, and Benefit did something kinda neat with these I’ve never seen before with a cream shadow…

New packaging!

Birthday Suit, a brushed chrome

Bikini-Tini, an oyster pink

The new Benefit Stay Don’t Stray in Medium/Deep ($26)

“Sit. Stay. Don’t stray!”

Sounds like me trying to get Tabs to sit still for a picture. It’s actually the idea behind Benefit’s $26 Stay Don’t Stray, the brand’s creamy eye primer for lids and under-eye areas.

It’s designed to boost the wear time of concealers and eyeshadows. Problem is, it’s only been available in a single shade…until now.

Yup, Benefit got deep! Come spring, a darker shade, Medium/Deep, joins the original, lighter Stay Don’t Stray.

Both shades will also get a new bottle with a doe-foot applicator instead of the old pump.

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The new $32 Primping With the Stars kit from Benefit

Where am I…?

What is this strange place?

It’s as if, when I walked through that door, I came out in a different universe, a parallel dimension, a nexus, if you will, of time and space, where the impossible is possible.

Back in the universe where I came from, primping with the stars — at least the one particular plus-size feline celebrity I’m familiar with — often took hours, days and sometimes even weeks.

Based on my star-primping experience, which involved prepping a superstar kitty supermodel for all the major awards shows, it was always a chore, but Benefit designed this kit to change that.

They filled the $32 Primping With the Stars kit with six sample-sized products from their permanent line, hand selected to fake a flawless face in mere minutes. In the kit, you get Benefit’s Stay Don’t Stray Eye Primer, The POREfessional face primer, Girl Meets Pearl Highlighter, their Some Kind-A Gorgeous cream foundation in Medium, one Benetint lip and cheek stain, and a tube of They’re Real mascara.

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Wearing the products in Benefit’s new kit, Do The Bright Thing ($32)

They say that necessity is the mother of invention… Well, after seeing Glen do that thing with the zombie’s arm in last night’s episode of The Walking Dead (HOLY SCHNIZZ!!), I believe it!

I don’t know where I was going with that…but I think it had something to do with Benefit’s new $32 Do the Bright Thing Face kit.

I was thinking about decorating the house for the holidays, how I wasn’t sure if I have enough decorations, and then I looked at this kit’s bright, eye-catching packaging and thought, “Gee, this’ll work as a Christmas decoration in a pinch.”

This little Sephora exclusive lives to make faces glow, and it comes with five-sample sized products from Benefit’s permanent line.

See that pretty girl in the mirror there? (What mirror, where?)

Sorry! — random music reference!

She turned up the dial on her outer glow by wearing Do The Bright Thing’s soft, shimmery pink That Gal primer under her foundation, and to give her cheeks some color, she swiped light pink Dandelion Blush on her cheeks. Then, she dabbed and blended a few dots of highlighting High Beam on the tops of her cheekbones.

To make her eyes look bigger and brighter, she smudged Jet black Bad Gal Waterproof Liner along her lash lines and applied They’re Real Mascara, which works like yoga for lashes, s t r e t c h i n g them out.

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Wearing the new Benefit Bronze of Champions Kit ($32)

Weee are the cham-pions…my frrriend.

And weee’ll keep on bronnnzing…till the ennnnd.

Weee are the cham-pions. WEEE are the cham-pions!!

SWWWIPE on some Hooola…’cause weee are the cham-pions……OF THE BRONNNZE!!

– “We Are the Champions” (1977), by Queen, lost recording

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