Portrait of a cat lady and her adored feline companion, April 2013.
tabs
Haaay!
Doesn’t Tabs look like he’s saying, “Haaay!” Or “Aaah…”
Or singing, “La la la la la la laaaa!”
It was actually a yawn. It’s so hard to catch those on camera.
I Have No Idea How This Happened
Tabs wearing my bikini top, hahaha! I think he found it in the laundry basket, took it out to play and then somehow got wrapped up in it.
Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 234
Today Tabs learned that some lizards can breathe underwater…
We call them salamanders, but Tabs had never heard that word before. He saw one and a bunch of other cool stuff on his solo hike today through the Indian Valley Open Space Preserve.
Right after I got up this morning, I stumbled downstairs looking for coffee, and there was Tabs getting geared up by the front door. He was wearing his feline fanny pack, which he’d already filled with Feline Greenies, a water bottle, his iPhone pre-loaded with trail maps, a can of Fancy Feast Gravy Lovers (turkey in gravy, of course) and his little Leatherman multitool (which has a can opener).
“Going for a walk?” I asked.
“Mrow,” he replied. A backcountry hike.
He was gone for five hours! — during which time I caught up on some admin stuff for the blog, did four loads of laundry, and did a ton of high-intensity lounging around.
Tabs looked exhausted when he finally walked through the door. His paws were covered in red dirt and he had thorny stickers in his fur.
He groaned when he took off his pack, and then went on to tell me a tale that started with his meeting a nice horse, followed by a steep climb to the top of a tall hill, a hike to a waterfall where he spotted the salamander, a high-speed chase involving a huge dog, and how he carved his name into a tree with his pocketknife.
Yup, while I did a whole lotta nothin’ today, my cat had quite an adventure. 🙂
Did you have a good weekend? Any adventures to report? Whatever you got into, please tell me you did something fun.
Oh, here are the latest pics (and a YouTube commercial) from Tabs’ ever-growing kitty modeling portfolio. If you’ve been following A Relaxing Time, the next installment (the ninth/grand finale, I believe) is coming soon…
Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 233
Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
The naked truth
DEAR TABBY: HALP! My roommate Harold has a BIG problem with clothes — well, collars, specifically.
See, he just won’t wear them.
Ever since I first moved into my assistant’s house, Harold, who’s a year older than I am, has walked around the house wearing absolutely nothing at all — no collar — like, “Hello! I’m naked! Call me Harold!”
I can’t deny that it bothers me a little, because in my litter, when we were kittens, we always wore our collars, even if we were just lounging around. That’s just the way I was raised.
I try to overlook it — the nudity. I mean, Harold is a nice enough cat, but I don’t know — it still makes me feel uncomfortable.
And lately, it’s even gotten worse. Harold’s taken to sunning himself on the kitchen counters and the windowsills for all the neighborhood cats to see.
Tabby, there are kittens and children in our neighborhood! Should I say something to Harold? Or do you think I’m overreacting?
— Annoyed in Anchorage
DEAR ANNOYED: Some cats are just more comfortable in the nude, and what you see as bad decorum could be perfectly acceptable behavior in some cat circles.
Way I see it, as long as Harold isn’t hurting anyone, I think you have to look the other way.
Problems with punctuality
DEAR TABBY: I’ve been seeing a massage therapist — my assistant’s husband, Tommy — going on about four years. I like him. I should say that right off the bat. Tommy has fantastic fingers, and he’s really helped relieve my chronic neck, back and tail tension.
Problem is, over the past few months or so, Tommy has been increasingly tardy, too. He’s late to almost all of his appointments.
I understand emergencies. Sure, things come up, but not every day. It’s disrespectful.
Last time I meowed, and ask Tommy why he was late. He just yawned. He straight-up yawned.
What do I do, Tabby? Do I need to find a new massage therapist?
— Tense in Tuscaloosa
DEAR TENSE: I’m with you. If your massage therapist is showing up late often, it is disrespectful. Tell this Tommy how his being late to your appointments interferes with your busy schedule.
Maybe there’s a good explanation. Perhaps he’s overbooking himself, or not getting enough sleep, or his fingers have been sore. Whatever the case, he owes you an explantation.
It takes courage to be assertive in situations like these. Good luck. Be strong.
Two cats, two ceremonies, one day
DEAR TABBY: Guess what!? My sister and I will be graduating from two different kitty modeling school programs on the same day! 🙂
Unfortunately, our schools are across town from each other, so our mutual pet assistants and family members won’t be able to attend both ceremonies at the same time.
What should we do?
— Puzzled in Pittsburgh
You Better Work
Tabs doing what he does best. WERK!
Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 230
They were at the mouth of the forest where a dirt road led deeper into the dark woods. The gray cat was fast and picked up the pace, pulling ahead of Tabs.
Tabs felt a twinge of panic as he tried to catch up alongside the gray cat but found that he couldn’t. Tabs was a few feet behind and running flat out like a startled rabbit.
Tall pines lined both sides of the road, blocking much of the moonlight from reaching the forest floor. It was dark and getting darker as they left the rocky beach further behind. Good thing Tabs had the night vision of a master mouser.
Barking. Coming from far behind them. Tabs wasn’t sure at first, but then he was. Like Rottweiler barking, low and full-throated, mixed with growls.
The wolves were talking, but Tabs couldn’t make out the words. Probably trading recipes for ways to prepare cat…whether roasted or grilled.
It pushed Tabs to run a little harder, which brought him up alongside the gray cat, who glanced over, then gestured up ahead with his snout.
“Meow!” We’re here!
The road turned to a circular dirt driveway. Up ahead, at the end of the loop, was a large wooden one-story building, about the size of a Sephora. A green truck was parked in front of what Tabs figured must be the main entrance.
“Mraw,” the gray cat said. It’s an old ranger’s station. They slowed to a trot, both of them panting, down low in stealth formation, and the gray cat guided them around the truck toward the left side of the building.
A boxy ground-level air conditioning unit, about three feet tall, sat flush against the wall. “Mrow?” the gray cat asked. See that plank up there?
Tabs did. It was a narrow wooden plank that rested at an angle from the top of the air conditioner up to a windowsill. The gray cat motioned toward it with his nose, directing Tabs to head that way. “Meow-ow.” You can get to the roof.
“Mrow?” Tabs asked, a little perplexed. Aren’t you coming?
“Mroh,” the gray cat answered, standing his ground. I’ll be right behind you.
Tabs thought about it for a second, wondering why the gray cat didn’t just lead the way.
“Meow!” the gray cat finally ordered, raising his gravely voice. Go on, get!
It jolted Tabs into action. There were some things his little kitty brain struggled with, like doors and can openers, but climbing was not one of them. In about half a second, or two beats of a terrified tabby’s heart, he processed the entire scene with mathematical precision, calculating the proper angle of approach to the plank, the appropriate speed-to-weight ratio and the amount of force he’d have to exert to leap from the windowsill up to the rain gutter, which led up to the roof.
In one fluid maneuver, he hopped up on the air conditioner, zipped up the plank to the windowsill, jumped to a crook where the rain gutter met the wall, and then carefully walked up along the gutter before pulling himself onto the roof.
Yes! He’d made it. It was a wooden roof, easy to walk on, with a shallow slant, and it was much brighter up here under the open sky than it was down in the forest.
Tabs peered over the edge at the gray cat, who looked relieved. Tabs was shocked that the gray cat was still standing on the ground. What was he waiting for? “Meow!” Tabs called down. Hurry!
The wolves would be upon them any moment now, and Tabs thought he even heard their footfalls on the dirt road.
The gray cat nodded once, leapt up on the air conditioner, and pushed the wooden plank off the unit with his paw. It tumbled and crashed to the ground.
“Mrrow!?” Tabs said. What are you doing!? Tabs couldn’t believe his eyes.
The gray cat looked up at Tabs with kindness in his eyes “Mrow,” he spoke softly. I recognized you back there on the lake. “Meow.” Tabs, you’re one of my heroes.
Tabs was speechless. Heroes? What did the gray cat mean?
The gray hopped down to the ground, and then looked back up to Tabs. “Meow-row,” he said, his eyes glistening in the moonlight. You’ll be safe here till morning. I’ll lead them away.
“Mroww,” Tabs mewled, as the gray cat turned back toward the woods. Wait.
But the gray took off like a falcon in the night, disappearing into a copse of thick trees. “Mew…” Tabs whimpered after him. No…
To follow our story from the beginning…
Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 227
Once through the door of the ice shack, Tabs was struck by the vastness of the night sky and the frozen lake. He was running on the ice, his little legs churning like propeller blades, his claws scraping for purchase.
Fear drove him faster, forward, deeper into the night. There were dots of light far ahead on the other side of the lake, but they seemed miles away. Nothing to his right but the expanse of the frozen lake, and to his left, the shadowy outline of an outcropping of land — another shore, or an island perhaps, much closer than the far shore but with no signs of life. Only a line of tall trees behind a rocky beach.
Where was the creature now? Tabs wondered. Had it pulled itself out from under the crates in the shack? Was it in pursuit of him now, chasing him down on the lake with its longer canine legs? Tabs couldn’t bring himself to look.
His lungs started to burn, and he realized that his pace was slowing. The lights on the far shore of the lake beckoned him. Tabs knew there was shelter there, people, but there was no way he would be able to run all the way across the lake. It was too far.
He scanned the closer shore to his left again for any signs of help or danger. Just then, the werewolf howled behind him.
It was close! Tabs shuddered, and his muscles briefly convulsed. He lost his footing and spun sideways and end over end on the ice. He slid 20 feet on his side before coming to a stop.
Stunned…Tabs lay there panting, hearing nothing but his own breathing, a ringing in his ears and the pounding of his tiny tabby heart.
He was still alive… That much he could tell, but he had lost his bearings in the fall.
Then, a second howl ripped him awake, immediately restoring his focus. Gingerly, Tabs climbed to his feet on unsteady legs.
The second howl came from his left, along the near shore but down a ways behind him.
A second werewolf? As if in reply, the first one howled again, this time closer.
“Mrow,” Tabs mewled, overcome with despair. Is this it? Is this how my story ends?
“Mrraw!” came a grizzled shout from the near shore. Over here!
Where? Tabs searched for the owner of the raspy voice.
“Mrraaw!” the voice called again. Get up, kid! They’re comin’!
And then Tabs saw a pair of wide feline eyes glowing green on the edge of the dark shore. They belonged to a big gray cat waving a huge paw in his direction.
“Mrow!” the gray cat yelled. You can make it!
I can make it, Tabs repeated to himself, drawing strength from the words. I can make it. He took one step toward the gray cat, and then another. And then he sprung and sprinted toward the shore as fast as he could.
To follow our story from the beginning…
If you enjoyed this little tale and would like to see Tabs continue the story, let him know in the comments. 🙂 And now, here are some pics from Tabs’ every-growing kitty modeling portfolio.