Tabs

I saw a tiny tiara at Target the other day and thought about Snowflake. She was Tabs’s longtime…how shall we say this — kitty companion? I remembered the time he took her to Tiffany and said she could pick out anything she wanted, but when she picked out an engagement ring, Tabs looked really nervous. “Oh, um…” he meowed, “anything except a ring.” So Snowflake picked a tiny tiara instead.

Tabs was funny about relationships… He wasn’t a player, but at the same time, he never put a ring on it with Snowflake, even though I thought he should, just because she was such a good cat. Devoted, funny, beautiful, and a stellar kitty model in her own right. They actually worked on several kitty modeling campaigns together, which led the gossip mags to speculate that they’d get married, but they never did.

I asked Tabs about it once, and he said that he had too much going on to be tied down to a conventional relationship, which I think may have been true to a certain degree, but I also think he was just afraid of getting his heart broken.

Snowflake waited patiently for Tabs for several years before eventually moving on. Last time I heard, she had settled down with a cat of royal lineage in Scotland. I think he was a duke or a prince or something. I’m not exactly sure, but he did own a castle. Sometimes I see pics of her in the royal gossip mags across the pond.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

Tabs was many things — pro feline football player, fashion phenom, philanthropist, seafood lover, fabulous chef — but one thing he wasn’t was a skilled fisherman. His lack of fishing skills was his secret shame.

He just didn’t have the patience for it. Sure, he loved fishing fashion, designer sunglasses and lounging by the lake with a bottle of bubbly, but the actual fishing part of it? Not a fan, and he REALLY didn’t like getting dirty pond water on his fur.

That being said, he was an award-winning three-time Novato Birding Champion. It’s just that fishing wasn’t one of his strengths.

One time he came home after a day on his yacht with a tall tale about a 45-pound marlin. He kept trying to convince me that he almost caught it, and he called it “the one that got away.” Quite frankly, I think he was full of catnip.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

You know you’re a cat lady when you do the following:

1. Buy a catnip plant that you keep in your front yard — not just for your cat, but for all of the neighborhood kitties.
2. You never feel fully dressed unless you have a handful of cat treats in your pocket or a can of gravy in your purse.
3. You make up new song lyrics for your favorite tunes, replacing words with references to your cat.

El Hub and I will be cruising down the highway and a song will come on the radio, and suddenly we’ll start singing the Tabs version that suited his personality or what he was doing at a particular time in his professional life. Treasure by Bruno Mars is still one of my faves. I heard it this morning on my run. When Bruno sings, “Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you should be smiling,” I hear “Pretty boy, pretty boy, pretty boy, pretty boy tabby!”

Sing it out loud. Trust me it works.

But THE BEST is Fleetwood Mac’s Little Lies.

Replace “tell me lies” with “tabby thighs,” so instead of “Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies,” we have, “Tabby thighs, touch his sweet tabby thighs.”

You’re welcome. 😊

Another favorite is I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys. This one is more of a straight-up ode.

Let me ask you this: Is Tabs your fire? Your one desire? Believe when I say, “Tabs wants it that way.”

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As you know, Tabs was a voracious eater. He earned every inch of that tum. I thought about this yesterday as I perused the shelves at HomeGoods.

I froze like an extra large tabby stalking a butterfly on a warm spring afternoon when I happened upon this end cap covered in kitty-themed bowls, dishes, mugs and knick-knacks.

Something tells me Monsieur Belly Meat’s spirit lives on in that hot pink cat bowl, which he would have loved.

Not all of the items were for kitties, though, because, cat ladies, you know HomeGoods also got your back. I was sorely tempted by the butter dish with the cat ears and the little kitty cat measuring cups.

Oh! — and the ceramic cat sponge holder!

I would have gotten all of the above, but I already have those kitchen needs filled, and I could hear Marie Kondo’s voice in my head saying, “Nuh uh,” to me…

I am 100% sure whoever is running HomeGoods is a cat person. Every time I go there there’s a cornucopia of cat lady stuff!

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