Tabs

It looks like this is the new normal.

Neighborhood ne’er-do-well Harris the Cat attempted another brazen assault on the security perimeter this morning. Thankfully, Special Agent Tabs was there to stop him.

This time, Harris tried the direct approach, but Tabs, looking as sharp as ever in a black tie and white collar, was ready for him. He feigned disinterest, then whirled around into one of his favorite kitty Krav Maga moves.

It took Harris completely by surprise, and his confidence was shaken. At that point, the mental game was won, and it was only a matter of time before Harris fled.

With the perimeter secure, Tabs was able to finally relax.

He also made himself a yummy bamboo shoot salad….

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Today the system worked.

All of the planning, the training, the high-intensity napping and the gallons of gravy — all the effort paid off.

Today while Tabs was actually on neighborhood patrol, Harris the Cat attempted to break into the offices of Tabs the Cat Industries LLC.

The following images were pulled from this morning’s CCCTV (Closed Circuit Cat Television) security tapes…

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Normally, Tabs goes on patrol first thing on Sunday morning, but today was the first official meeting of the Novato Cat Gardeners Club. Tabs was not deterred by the fact that there are currently only two members, one of which is technically a small human who likes to think of herself as a cat.

On today’s agenda, which was not printed in Comic Sans: pick the ripe cherry tomatoes.

Now, is this easy to do with paws? No, but Tabs relishes the challenge.

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At first, everything seemed fine on this morning’s patrol…

Last week’s creation of D.I.V.A. (the Division of Inconsiderate Varmint Arrest), the special feline forces security unit of Tabs the Cat Industries LLC, appeared to restore peace and security to the community.

Harris the cat, whom as you may recall attempted a daring daylight robbery of the company barbecue, was nowhere to be found.

Tabs checked everywhere…

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Yesterday, July 21, was a day that will live in infamy. Just as we feared, the feud between Harris the cat and Tabs finally boiled over. Early yesterday morning, while Tabs was doing his rounds and checking all the office doors and windows, he spotted a suspicious long-haired brown tabby through the sliding glass door in the employee lounge. The tabby was canoodling up to the corporate barbecue.

Without approval.

It was a gross violation of company policy, and Tabs, as CFO (Chief Feline Officer) of Tabs the Cat Industries LLC, knew he had to act. Immediately, Tabs poofed up his tail, raised up on his haunches, and proceeded to mewl at the top of his lungs, but Harris was undeterred. He taunted Tabs through the window, faux-nonchalantly licking his paw and kitty hugging the barbecue.

This standoff continued for 20 minutes until eventually Harris wandered off, but it highlighted serious problems with company security.

This morning, by executive order, Tabs created the new Division of Inconsiderate Varmint Arrest, or D.I.V.A., a new special feline forces squad, and he personally conducted the first patrol himself.

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