Wearing the new Tom Ford Lip Color Shine in Willful ($48), one of 10 shades from the new Lip Color Shine collection available now at Tom Ford counters and online

Ever since Tabs won the Oscar for his starring role in Lincoln’s Cat (“A cinematic tour de force,” according to Entertainment Weekly), things have been a little hectic around here. Please note: when the pet you assist wins a major acting award, expect to be on call 24/7 for at least three weeks.

Le sigh…

I couldn’t leave you in the lurch, though, so when Tabs finally granted me a much-needed break today, I snuck in some me time with the new Tom Ford Lip Color Shines.

The new line of 10 creamy, lightweight lipsticks in neutral, pink and bright shades offers semi-sheer coverage and hydration like WHOA (Tom Ford loaded them with moisturizing ingredients like soja seed extract, Brazilian murumuru butter and chamomilla flower oil).

The neutrals include rosy nude Nubile, light tan Abandon and beige Bare.

Pink pouts more your thing? You might like blush pink Chastity, honeysuckle pink Smitten, light bluish pink Quiver, peachy pink Frolic or apricot pink Insidious.

Two brights round out the collection — orangey red Willful and hot pink Ravenous.

A few pics of five of the 10 shades in action…

From the left: Tom Ford Lip Color Shines in Bare, Frolic, Insidious, Quiver and Willful

From the left: Tom Ford Lip Color Shines in Bare, Frolic, Insidious, Quiver and Willful

Tom Ford Lip Color Shine swatches from the left: Bare, Frolic, Insidious, Quiver and Willful

Tom Ford Lip Color Shine in Bare (a beige)

Tom Ford Lip Color Shine in Frolic (a pinkish peach)

Tom Ford Lip Color Shine in Insidious (an apricot pink)

Wearing the new Tom Ford Beauty Lipstick in Narcotic Rouge

For real, though? — never underestimate the power of a rich red lipstick and cat eyeliner.

This morning I woke up feeling like I had molasses in my head. Words hard. Bad brain. Thinking difficult.

Not even a pitcher of coffee could have fixed the way I felt. I needed the big guns, so out came MAC Blacktrack and the new Tom Ford Beauty Jasmine Rouge Lip Collection.

Everything started coming into focus as soon as I saw that black gel liner on my eyes and those rollicking red lipsticks on my lips. Shoot, even those funny symbols (letters) and sounds (words) we use to communicate started making sense.

Clockwise from the lower left: Reckless, Diabolique, Narcotic, Slander

Swatches from the left: Reckless, Diabolique, Narcotic, Slander

Tom Ford Beauty Lipstick in Slander

Tom Ford Beauty Lipstick in Diabolique

Wearing Tom Ford Beauty Plum Absolute For Eyes

Here’s the face I made multiple times while watching last night’s episode of The Walking Dead…

WHAT THE WHAT?!

And here’s the face I made today a few hours after applying Tom Ford Plum Absolute For Eyes ($35)…

Grumpy goat!

Notice the similarities. They aren’t identical, but in both pics I appear fussy and discombobulated.

When my mood turned sour this afternoon, it was due to Tom’s annoyingly expensive, limited edition gel liner (new for holiday 2012) completely vanishing from my upper lash lines about five hours after I applied it.

Super. Cranky.

Wearing Tom Ford Beauty Plum Absolute for Eyes ($35)

Wearing the new Tom Ford Beauty Ultra Shine Lip Gloss in Naivete

I think I’ve finally found THE gloss to wear on the off chance that I decide to make the jump from curmudgeonly pet assistant to sultry siren: Tom Ford’s new Ultra Shine Lip Gloss in Naivete ($45).

I’ve been deeply committed to dependable my-lips-but-better glosses like MAC Ample Pink, Big Baby and Fulfilled for the past few months because, like flats with low heels, they may not be flashy, but they get the job done.

Tom, however, has me seriously rethinking that. Like a master chef, he seasoned this shiny, striking plum perfectly with a sprinkle of golden glitter and heaping spoonfuls of pigment.

POW!

I’m seduced… Naivete makes me want to play the role of tantalizing temptress. On my pout, it looks almost like patent leather, and when I see it, I want to purr (I can’t, but I want to).

Tom Ford Ultra Shine Lip Gloss in Naivete ($45)

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Wearing the new Tom Ford Beauty Lip Color in Aphrodisiac

Your favorite bakery. A bell dangling over the door jingles as you enter into a world of candy sprinkles and fresh baked bread. Like a character in a cartoon, your eyes practically double in size when they see the row upon row of full-size and miniature cupcakes, all of them decorated and carefully arranged, behind a glass display case.

An unintelligible noise escapes your lips as you drift into a trance. Nnngggh… Driven by the sights and smells around you, you lumber up to the counter, dragging your feet along the polished tile floor. You order a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting, and gobble the whole thing down, right then and there, before the salesperson can even hand you your change (um, yes, I have done this before).

“Oh,” she says, a little embarrassed for you.

Tom Ford Beauty’s new Lip Color in Aphrodisiac ($48) is kinda like the makeup equivalent of that.

There’s something about this intense fuchsia, with its creamy texture and satiny finish, that makes me think of an all-you-can-eat cupcake buffet, where I get to devour dozens of rich, indulgent cupcakes without upsetting my muffin top.

Vivid fuchsia lippies like this one always light my fire because they make bright, polished looks so incredibly easy. A little liner, some mascara, a bright blush (Tom Ford’s Narcissist, perhaps?) and one layer of lipstick, and I’m ready for almost –

HOLY MOTHER OF TABS! $48?! Are you kidding me?!

Yes, ma’am, in this case, that ease of use also costs an arm and a leg (seriously, Tom, have you ever heard of a sale?).

To its credit, though, Aphrodisiac does seem pretty special for a fuchsia lip product; it’s probably one of the smoothest, most pigmented lippies I’ve ever worn.

Somehow, even when my lips are dry, gnarly and totally ewww, Aphrodisiac still manages to look and feel smooth…

Smooth like Jeremy Renner pouring you a glass of red wine after a candlelit dinner at home and firing up his Jodeci mid-’90s slow jams playlist.

(Gurl, you know that would be pretty damn smooth.)

Lip Color in Aphrodisiac ($48)

Lip Color in Aphrodisiac, Lip and Cheek Stain in Tainted Love and Ultra Shine Lip Gloss in Naivete