Pink Love, one of six new spring 2014 shades just added to Milani’s Color Statement Lipstick line

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of juiciness, it was the age of fiber, it was the epoch of watermelon…

It was July 2011.

In one month, I kid you not, I must’ve eaten at least 10 extra large watermelons all by myself.

‘Twas glorious! And I was, um — well, let me just put it this way: the kids were regularly getting dropped off at school, if you know what I mean.

You know, regularly?

If these new 2014 Milani Color Statement Lipsticks had been around back then (during what I call “The Great Watermelon Caper of 2011″), I may have felt differently about their watermelon flavor and scent than I do now.

The six new Milani Color Statment Lipstick spring 2014 shades ($5.49 each)

Swatches from the left: Sugar Glaze, Cabaret Blend, Pink Blend, Rose Femme, Pretty Natural and Cinnamon Spice

Sugar Glaze

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Milani’s Brilliant Shine Lip Gloss in Bare Secret ($5.49)

Just in case you were wondering…Milani’s new line of Brilliant Shine Lip Glosses will not make it through an intense chow-down session with your (my) favorite salad in the whole wide world.

The King of All the Salads! — the tostada salad with grilled shrimp and avocado from Blue Barn Marin

They will, however, make it through an intense 35-minute-long eye rolling session while watching Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.

So painful!

Actually…I’m sure they could’ve lasted the movie’s entire 90-minute length (wear time is from 2-4 hours), but the movie was just so, so bad that I couldn’t sit through it (not even the J. Renn eye candy/savory biceps could save it).

Drugstore shoppers, these absolutely gorgeous glosses are smooth like the skin on J. Renn’s bulging biceps and have a comfy, non-sticky formula, mountains of moisture and a light and lovely butterscotch scent (they are unflavored, though).

The new Milani Brilliant Shine Lip Glosses

But be warned… The formula’s quite thick and reminds me of Guerlain’s Gloss D’Enfers, so you may want to wear your hair back in a ponytail. Yes, when you wear these, your mane will get caught in your kisser if you whip your Victoria’s Secret hurr back and forth.

Sometimes I like the way thicker glosses feel on my lips, so I don’t mind.

And ooh! — the choices here. Lots of colors, finishes (cream, shimmer and frost) and coverages ranging from sheer to opaque, and thanks to the flocked sponge applicator, all of the shades, even the deepest, most intensely pigmented ones, are easy to apply.

Swatches from the left: Bare Secret, Mai-Tai, Luminous, Mauve Fetish, Berry Timpting, Ravish Raspberry and Pink Lady

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Wearing the new Milani Power Lip Lasting & Moisturizing Gloss in Mango Tango

Yeah, I’m turning into *that* girl — the one who applies a glossy lip stain right before bed just to see if it’ll still be there in the morning.

I did it the other night with one of Milani’s new Power Lip Lasting & Moisturizing Gloss Stains, and El Hub was like, “Why are you wearing lipstick to bed? Got a hot date?”

The Milani Power Lips collection, new for spring 2014

“First,” I replied, “it’s not a lipstick. It’s a stain. And second, yes, babe, Tabs and I are going as soon as you fall asleep.”

LOL! As if. Tabs is a total night owl, whereas I’ve usually zonked out by 11. I could never hang…but if I could, I’m sure any of these eight stains could hang with me.

These glossy lip stains are DOPE! They cling to lips like I cling to outdated ’90s references.

Swatches from the left: 01 Red Control, 02 Cabaret Blend, 03 Raspberry Tart, 04 Pink Lemonade, 05 Macaroon, 06 Strawberry Sugar, 07 Mango Tango and 08 Creamy Cafe

So, back to that bedtime test I was talking about, the following morning, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the coffee pot and saw the stain from the shade I’d applied before bed (07 Mango Tango).

That’s an 8-hour wear time! — assuming you’re just dreaming about RyGos and mumbling in your sleep. Add munchies and meals to the mix, however, and the wear time drops to 4-6.

Still not bad at all, considering that each tube is only $6.49.

I like these. They remind me of YSL Glossy Stains, only not…

I mean, they’re the same idea — they look and feel like shiny glosses but eventually wear down to satin lip stains — big come in totally different packaging.

The YSL Glossy Stains come in a tube with a doe-foot applicator, while the Milani products come in a click pen tube with a brush applicator.

I don’t mind the click pen, in this case, but I’m not exactly crazy about it. I think it’s a little more challenging to use, like to line the edges of my lips, than YSL’s doe foot, in part because it’s difficult to control how much product it applies. I can’t, for example, imagine using it in the passenger seat as we’re driving to the movies.

Milani Power Lip in 05 Macaroon

01 Red Control

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Wearing the new Milani Lip Intense Liquid Color in 04 Fiery Coral

Makeup Math Word Problem No. 1

QUESTION: At noon a train leaves St. Louis for Chicago. On that train sits a cat lady obsessed with her tubby tabby. Quantify the intensity of her obsession, which, as you know, is quite intense, and double it. Now, multiply that by 20, and add 10. What do you get?

ANSWER: LOL! I have no idea. But whatever the answer is, it approximates the intensity of the pigments in these new Milani Lip Intense Liquid Colors.

The fantastic foursome of Milani Lip Intense Liquid Colors, new for spring 2014

These pigments are insane! To quote Joey Lawrence from Blossom, “WHOA!”

From the left: 01 Red Extreme, 02 Pink Rave, 03 Fiery Coral and 04 Violet Addict

I’m having a hard time believing these are less than $7 each ($6.49 to be exact). If these four full-coverage liquid lipsticks played dress-up in fancier packaging, I think they could hang with Chanel.

Wands from the left: 01 Red Extreme, 02 Pink Rave, 03 Fiery Coral and 04 Violet Addict

They feel so good on my lips — like thin, non-sticky glosses — and last a good, long while (I get about 6 hours), almost like they’re long-wearing liquid lipsticks.

YES!

I do, however, have to watch out for that white line that appears on my bottom lip… You know the one I’m talking about. With these I see it after about three hours of wear. No biggie. When it shows up, I just wipe it off with a makeup wipe or Q-Tip.

As for flavors and scents, well, I’d probably love this one if I wasn’t trying to get back in shape (uh…someone had a A LOT of chocolate over the holidays). These taste and smell like butterscotch.

Mmm…butterscotch.

04 Violet Addict

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Milani has two new $6.99 Liquid Eye shades for spring: Graphite and Perfect Purple

With the days getting longer, hillsides turning green again and flowers beginning to bloom, I’m not as inclined to spend as much time indoors. I feel like getting out there in it, ya know? Playing outside. Going to the mall, extra trips to Target, the grocery store — whatever. Anything that’ll get me outside.

This applies to makeup. I don’t feel like spending as much time on mine when it’s 70 degrees and sunny outside.

Milani’s Liquid Eyes Liquid-Like liners in Perfect Purple and Graphite ($6.99 each) can help with that.

The company just added both new shades to their super smooth, long-wearing Liquid Eye Liquid-Like line for spring, and in short, they’re essentially drugstore dupes for the MAC Pearlglides.

That’s Graphite on the left and Perfect Purple on the right…

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