I didn’t grow up in a big city, and getting used to riding public transit here was very difficult for me.
Dealing with massive numbers of anxious people in very close quarters is not something I enjoy doing. Sometimes it can be very stressful for me, and it can also make you feel incredibly invisible at times, which is sometimes for the best…depending on how I feel.
But I’ve been wanting to see what would happen if I called more attention to myself.
I regularly take the subway, and I’ll often ride the bus when I’m just going between neighborhoods close to home. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been experimenting with wearing bolder colors while I’m out, and that includes while I’m riding public transportation.
Calling attention to myself has never been something I’ve been comfortable with. I’m very unlike my astrological sign that way. As a Leo, I’m supposed to be an attention seeker. I’m supposed love being on center stage — dramatic, creative, and outgoing.
In some ways, I think that fits me, but not in terms of me being outgoing. I think I’m a contradiction in the way I present myself — how I dress, choice of clothing, style of hair, choice of makeup.
By choosing bolder colors these past few weeks, I’m trying to be more “present” in my own world. Even if I’m the only person who notices, someone is still noticing and appreciating, right?
I’d never worn MAC Perpetual Holiday or Maybelline Berry Boost outside the house before, and both are a little outside my comfort zone, but MAC Halsey has been the furthest one outside my comfort zone lately. It’s my first grey lipstick, and it might be a little too light for my coloring…but um, I kind of love it?
People see things on the subway every day that don’t make them blink twice, but as a young woman on public transit, I feel oddly watched at all times, so taking out a lipstick and a mirror makes me feel doubly judged.
Wearing these colors lately, I’ve been worried that someone might stare at me or say something rude, especially while I’ve worn Halsey on my commute home after a long day, looking tired… I’ll be honest, I was afraid I looked like a zombie, or like the color would turn my lips blue.
But, I’ve been oddly comforted by silence so far. Nothing has been said to me, and while I have gotten a few stares and odd looks, I haven’t felt as uncomfortable as I thought I would. It’s been oddly empowering to (at least try) not to care about what other people think of my makeup.
I can’t say how often grey lipstick will make its way into my makeup routine, but I’m glad I did this experiment and that I’m trying something new.
Being a creature of habit, I tend to stick with what I think works for me — natural eyes and red lips — but forcing myself out of my comfort zone has given me a confidence boost that I’m trying to carry over into other aspects of my life (especially when it comes to my body and how I present/hold myself).
Have you ever done an experiment like this to see how the world around you would respond?