Thank you all so much for your sweet and kind words yesterday. Both Tabs and I can feel your love on this side of the keyboard. ❤️
One of the weirdest things I’ve learned about grief over the past few days is that no matter how monumental a shift in your world feels, no matter how massively your reality changes, life, with all of its needs and wants (bill “due by” dates, meals to be made, plants that need to be watered, pajamas that need to be changed) keeps “keeping on.”
It’s odd to move through my same routine while having everything changed around me so profoundly…
It’s also strange to have my heart feel so heavy, and then have these moments here and there when it feels weightless and so, so full of love. Like yesterday evening, Tabs and I sat on my bed and watched the sunset together for a few minutes.
I felt so much joy. 😊
It feels very odd to have these two seemingly opposite feelings exist together at the same time.
Gonna try my best to keep on keeping on this week. Lots of hugs and love, my friend.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Melissa says
April 30th, 2019 at 11:03 amI’m so sorry to hear about your fur baby 😢. I’ve loved & lost many cats and it’s never easy. Time can’t erase the memory of a great cat 🐈
Karen says
April 30th, 2019 at 1:16 pmThank you, Melissa. What I wonder is if I’ll ever feel whole again. And if I’ll ever have it in me to love another cat. I just don’t know.
Candace L Strom McCusker says
April 30th, 2019 at 6:36 pmKaren…grief is the price we pay for having these beautiful creatures in our lives as part of our family.
I lost my cat of 15 years, P.T. a year ago. Like you, there is always the feeling I could have done more for her. But she, like Tabs, was loved beyond words and that love was repaid a thousand times.
Cherish every day…and listen to him closely…he will let you know when it’s time for goodbye.
With love and prayers..Candace
Pamela Z says
April 30th, 2019 at 11:19 amKaren take the time you need. There is no easy way to go through this but all of your followers will understand. I am an older lady and I have buried many beloved cats in my lifetime. But you know what? I am pretty darn sure they are waiting for me and will be by my side when it is my turn to cross over.
Tabs will never leave you.
God bless you.
Karen says
April 30th, 2019 at 1:18 pmHi Pamela,
It’s sweet that you said that, because Connor said the same thing last night. Right before I said goodnight to her she said, “Mama, don’t be sad. He’ll always be with us.” I don’t think she really understands what’s going on (she’s only three), but in some ways, I think she does. I know his memory will always be in my heart. It’s still hard to know that he won’t be here with me physically, though. I’ll miss having him cuddle with me on my chest, or the kiss of his whiskers on my cheeks at night.
Laura says
April 30th, 2019 at 11:40 amI was so sorry to read the news about Tabs. It’s terrible when they have to leave us.
I like to think we will all see our beloved pets whenever we ourselves get to the afterlife, because if not, I’m not interested in going. Much love to you all.
Karen says
April 30th, 2019 at 1:19 pmI really, really hope that happens, Laura.
Sarah Lowes says
April 30th, 2019 at 11:41 amWe love you Karen and we love the beautiful Tabs. The joy that you’ve been feeling is the love flowing back from him to you. He’ll never leave you XXXXXX
Karen says
April 30th, 2019 at 1:20 pmThank you, Sarah. I know that even when he’s no longer here in body that his spirit will always be with me. It’s so hard to let him go though.
Leigh Cole says
April 30th, 2019 at 11:54 amThinking of you with love and hope for the coming days and always, and that you can spend quasi-quality time at home with Tabs. I enjoyed saving snaps from your blog over the years and did notice that he was thinner, but always simply and wonderfully sweet in his cute collars and poses.
Have the very best possible day,
Leigh in Boulder
Karen says
April 30th, 2019 at 1:22 pmThank you, Leigh. I just spent a good 20 minutes with him on the couch; he snuggled up on my chest, hooked his paws over my right shoulder (always, always the right shoulder, never the left), and purred and made biscuits while I watched a cheesy show on Hulu. It was magical. I will never, ever forget the small moments. They were the sweetest ones with him.
Ruchita says
April 30th, 2019 at 11:59 amSpending time with Tabs watching the sunset sounds so lovely and peaceful. Dealing with grief is different for each person. For me, I just had to let myself be sad sometimes. I just took it one day at a time. Please be kind to yourself and take the time you need to process everything. Give Tabs a head boop for me. Sending you lost of love.
Karen says
April 30th, 2019 at 1:26 pmThank you Ruchita. The grief comes in waves. Sometimes I’m OK, and sometimes I’m not. Usually in the mornings I’m functional, but in the evenings, not so much. And weirdly enough, after I exercise is when it hits me hard. Like last night, I walked gym, got into my car, and cried for 30 minutes in the parking lot. The closest thing I have to compare it with is it heartbreak. That’s what it feels like. But I know eventually with time the hurt won’t hurt so much.
I wonder if I’ll ever love another cat again. At this point, I just don’t know.
Daphne B says
April 30th, 2019 at 12:11 pmI am so glad that you and Tabs are having special time together. Those are the times that you cling to and will mean the most to you in the future. My husband and I went through what you are going through now with our 17 year old cat, Sidney, and those last happy days are what I treasure most. The feelings you describe are the feelings I had when both my parents and Sidney died. It is a weird feeling when life keeps moving and you feel frozen in time. Hard to believe, but one day life will start to feel almost normal again. It just takes time.
Karen says
April 30th, 2019 at 1:30 pmThank you, Daphne. Right now I feel like there’s a part of me that’s been chipped away, and I don’t know if I’ll ever feel whole again. I suppose I won’t ever fully feel like the same person. But life just keeps going. And I’m hoping that the day will come when I feel almost normal again.
Sandy says
May 1st, 2019 at 11:32 amI promise you this, Karen, you will get to a point one day where you think of Tabs and smile or giggle at some silly thing that he did, rather than feel this intense pain. It may take a long time but it will happen, I swear. I was just saying to my husband yesterday ‘remember how Pixie used to come barreling down the stairs and around the corner like Kramer?’. There was a long time when that thought would’ve been accompanied by tears and sadness but now it’s accompanied by a big smile and a warm feeling in my heart instead of pain. And I know that is how she would have wanted it and I daresay the same for Tabbers.
Cindy says
April 30th, 2019 at 12:26 pmSo sorry for what you are going through. Just cherish the happy moments (like the sunset) that you have with him now. Grief is very personal and everyone experiences it differently. There is no “right way.” It’s very hard to keep everything going during times like this but you just do the best you can. *hugs*
Susan says
April 30th, 2019 at 12:32 pmKaren, so sorry to hear about Tabs! I believe one of the greatest joys in life is connecting with animals and appreciating the love and companionship they give us. I too have loved and lost several cats and dogs, and it is never easy. I hope you can take some comfort in all the wonderful memories you have shared with Tabs over the years.
Suzanne C says
April 30th, 2019 at 12:49 pmGrief is a difficult and personal thing, so I feel honored that you’re sharing this part of the journey with us. (Mom and the girls got all teary-eyed for you yesterday after school when I told them about Tabs. They send condolences.) And I’m grateful for the reminder to cherish the time I have left with my sweet fur baby, who is showing her age. There’s so little we readers can do here from our keyboards, but I’ll bet I speak for all of us when I say you have our support and sympathy.
Michele DiCola says
April 30th, 2019 at 12:51 pmSpend all the time you need to w that w that wonderful Tabs 🐱💕💋
Allison says
April 30th, 2019 at 2:15 pmSo sorry to hear about Tabs!!! My heart breaks for you and your family. We lost my 20 year old kitty baby in January and seeing as I am only 27…I can barely remember not having him. The grief for pets runs deep. Give him a snuggle for me 🙁
xoxo
Angela says
April 30th, 2019 at 2:53 pmThinking about you lots Karen. Hugs to you
Carol says
April 30th, 2019 at 4:19 pmI’m so sorry to hear about Tabs. We love our pets so much, they’re a part of us, of our family. I love my cat Fuzzy a couple of summers ago. I had him 14 years. I was so distraught I blew off work. I’m an RN, I was just in a daze. It’s lucky I kept my job.
My heart goes out to you.
Julie says
April 30th, 2019 at 4:57 pmKaren: I’m so sorry to hear about Tabs – the top kitty model ever! It’s never easy to lose a pet – your constant companion and a big part of your family. A bit of your hear goes with him – but he will always be with you. You’ll feel his presents. Will you be whole? No and that’s ok. You’ll love again but it is never the same. I always look forward to “Sundays with Tabs” – what’s he doing, what’s he wearing. He’s our companion, too. We’ll miss him. Hugs to you and your family.
Debbie says
April 30th, 2019 at 8:09 pmKaren, I’ve been reading for years and never commented. I Love your blog and appreciate your content more than I can express. Reading about Tabs is so profoundly moving…enjoy each day as you have and know how much you’ve improved and changed this kitty’s life! What a lucky guy! Take it easy on yourself, we will always be here for you!! <3
Nadia Antwan Ryan says
April 30th, 2019 at 8:42 pmOh Karen! I’m so sorry to hear about Tabs. I’m not even a cat person ( i know, I know) but I can feel your heart breaking. Spoil your baby at this time, more than ever before. I’ve lost two dogs now and it’s never easy. They were my heart and I believe that I will see them again.
Take your time and be in your feelings of need be. We will be here when you are ready. Keeping your family in my prayers, love.
R says
April 30th, 2019 at 9:36 pmKaren,
I just read your last post about Tabs, and I’m literally crying. I’m so sorry that your time here with Tabs, feline angel, is drawing to a close. In the past few years, I have had some difficult human losses, and I can tell you, that while different, they still totally compare with losing my beloved kitty companion 5 years ago. I was shocked at how sad, empty and emotional I felt losing that sweet cat. He was such a good, constant, and loving friend, much like Tabs is to you and your family. Our last days together were incredibly poignant and special. I will never forget his final night — he had been so weak he could barely walk, but when I called him from my bed, I could hear him staggering down the hall, only to muster the strength to jump up, so we could share one last slumber.
I hope that you can feel comforted a bit that you aren’t alone and that your grief is shared. In one of your comments you wondered if you would ever love another cat, and I am certain you have it within you, as Tabs has taught you to do so, but only you will if and when you will bring another into your life.
Sending you and Tabs, and your family warm thoughts and lots of love during this difficult time.
xo R
Mary says
April 30th, 2019 at 11:36 pmOh, I feel your sadness, Karen! I lost my familiar, Noire, after we had almost 20 years together. I stayed by her side until she let out her final breath; maybe doing that with Tabs will help you let go.
Deep love and light to you all.
LindaLibraLoca says
May 1st, 2019 at 12:41 amKeep on keeping on, Karen. These sunsets (and rainbows) will forever stay with both of you, connecting you forever. Lots of love.
Jay says
May 1st, 2019 at 3:39 amSo sad Karen for you and your family
I don’t post often, but come here often for your refreshing lightheartedness and for the weekly Tabs updates (I swear he is twinsies with my Nigel).
Hold on to your memories with this fabulous feline and make the most of every day you have together.
X Jay
Kim says
May 1st, 2019 at 5:33 amKaren, I’m glad you’re able to spend this time with Tabs. I’m sure it’s doing you both a lot of good. <3 My boys were a year older than Connor when their grandma passed away and one sobbed and sobbed while the other asked "why is everyone crying?" so kids definitely process things differently. It's incredibly sweet that Connor is comforting you, regardless of how much she understands what's happening. You should be very proud to have such a kind girl. 🙂 You'll know when you're ready to love another pet (or if you'll never be ready) but it will take time. You're right about the grief being like heartbreak – at the time, it feels like you'll never love anyone else again. But you and Connor and El Hub have each other to lean on and we're all here for you, too. Lots of love and hugs to Tabs and his loving family. <3
Tiffany says
May 1st, 2019 at 6:34 amOh Karen I am so so sorry <3 I am sending you all my love and strength. I remember back when he was "the neightbor's cat" and please know you gave him a wonderful life full of love. I know how hard it is to lose a pet, and with kids it's even harder – you have to help them mourn while you need to mourn yourself. Please reach out if you need advice or an ear to listen or anything else <3 love you!
Karen says
May 1st, 2019 at 7:19 amThank you, Tiffany. I was looking at old posts the other day and laughed a little when I saw those words — “the neighbor’s cat.” He has been a wonderful companion and friend.
Swati says
May 1st, 2019 at 9:07 amKaren,
I have never posted a comment but I read your blog everyday and have been reading since 2010. You were the first makeup blog I found and read and you got me hooked…introduced me to so much makeup-wise and to some of the OG makeup peeps. But more on that another time.
Since your post about Tabs, you and Tabs have been in my thoughts constantly. You have always felt like an older sister to me and Tabs has been such a wonderful companion and presence in your blog. I had to come on here and say you, Tabs and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your pain was palpable and I wish you all the strength and love.
Take care.
Leigh Cole says
May 1st, 2019 at 11:03 amWishing you and Tabs another day (and more) of rainbows and peace, comfort and joy, memories and love.
I sincerely hope you don’t have to “keep on keeping on” as usual; that’s what family and friends are for, of which I’m sure you have many. If need be, spend all your time and effort to make him feel comfortable and loved. This is your last chance and you don’t want to feel guilty later on. Do that which you feel in your heart of hearts is the best for you.
When I got your news Monday, I just let myself weep all day, full on . . then yesterday was a little better. It’s what I needed for my empathetic old self and I’m way across the mountains from you.
Love, hugs, prayers –
That Boulder girl
Chelsea says
May 1st, 2019 at 11:26 amI love you, Tabs, and the Coywolf so much. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I still miss my Mina Ballerina every day, especially since she died young, but I know how much she loved me and I have so many happy memories with her. I’m tearing up just thinking of her. I don’t really believe in an afterlife but I like to imagine her with a friend of mine who passed away due to sad circumstances 4 years ago who just loved every kitty she met, rescued them, and helped turn me into a cat lady. They would have loved each other.
Karen says
May 1st, 2019 at 11:34 amI love you too. Thank you for always being there for all of us. You’re a really good friend, Chelsea.
Mary Ann says
May 1st, 2019 at 6:21 pmOh Karen, this is so sad, my heart goes out to you. This is one of the toughest things anyone can go through, but you do get through it and come out the other side okay. Most of us have probably been through this so please lean on this community for support during this time, we are here for you and we got you. I’m sending you, Tabs, El Hub, and little Coywolf support, strength, and peace.💕
MM Curator says
May 2nd, 2019 at 2:04 pmOh Karen, I’m just reading this now and I am so sorry. My heart is broken for you and sweet little Tabs. Like another commenter in a previous post, I am thousands of miles away and never met the little guy but I’m crying anyway, so I can’t imagine your grief. But it will get easier over time and I know you will cherish every last moment you have with him. Wishing you love and peace.
MM Curator recently posted … Curator’s Corner, April 2019
Gra says
May 2nd, 2019 at 2:44 pmKaren, I’ve been following you and Tabs for many years. I can only imagine what you’re going through, but I think your precious daughter is definitely right: he’ll always be with you and the love he gave you and the love you gave him will last forever. I send you a big hug
Jen says
May 3rd, 2019 at 11:21 amMaybe it’s my postpartum hormones, but your news left me teary. That is so sad. But Tabs grew your capacity to love, and you’ll always have that! I think there’s no way to short cut grief, you just have to go through it. Be kind to yourself, just like Tabs would want you to.