Your nephew is such a ham!
Your nephew is such a ham!
Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
DEAR TABBY: I could really use some career advice, and I couldn’t think of a better expert to ask.
I’m a 21-year-old struggling male model, and I recently received the opportunity to do an, um, “spicy” centerfold spread in a national magazine.
I’m torn. Do I take the risk and try to push my career to the next level, even if it means baring a little skin, or do I pass on the job and wait for a better opportunity?
I remember you mentioning that you did a spread for Playcat magazine a few years back. Did you have any reservations at the time, and do you feel like it helped or hurt your career?
Thanks in advance.
— Handsome and Hopeless
DEAR HANDSOME & HOPELESS: Of course I had reservations about the Playcat spread. I think it’s only natural to be a little nervous when you’re baring your tum, but more than that, I was also nervous about what it might mean for my future job prospects.
I didn’t want to end up being known as “that cat” in the kitty modeling world — you know, the one who’ll show off his junk at the drop of a hat.
But it sounds like my situation was a little different than yours. First, I’m a cat. Second, I was already famous before I posed for the magazine. Ultimately, I did it for the fans, and I don’t feel like it hurt my career. As long as it makes people happy, I’ll keep sharing my tum with the world.
You sound like a pretty smart guy. I think you already know what you should do, but my two cents? I say go for it. Opportunities like that don’t come along very often.
As for what the job could do for your career, look at that Kendra gal or Jenny McCarthy. Both of them parlayed similar gigs into bigger opportunities. Good luck!
DEAR TABBY: Fashion question for you. I’m a spotted Bengal interested in exploring casual and formal wear, but I’m afraid that the plaid and argyle patterns I’m attracted to will clash with my fur. What are the best ways to wear prints with spotted fur?
— Wondering in Wisconsin
DEAR WONDERING: Sounds like you have an amazing coat. Lucky you!
Personally, I’m a big fan of mixing and matching prints, and I always tell patterned kitties to just have fun with it. My personal style philosophy? If you see something and it makes your tail twitch, go for it!
The plaid and argyle patterns both sound great, but if you’re not used to seeing yourself in them, you may be shocked the first time you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror. Start slowly by introducing something simple into your wardrobe; I recommend pinstripes — classic, understated and elegant.
DEAR TABBY: I recently accepted a position as a professional pet assistant working for a sassy 2-year-old stray named Sally. Sally wants my help incorporating daily walks into her fitness regimen.
Problem is, she hates harnesses. I haven’t found one she likes. As soon as she puts one on, she plops down on the ground, rolls around and refuses to walk.
All of the pet assistants in my professional network think that Sally’s a lost cause. What do you think? I don’t want to lose this job.
— Troubled in Tacoma
DEAR TROUBLED IN TACOMA: First, congrats on your new partnership! And I’m glad you decided to take a job assisting a stray. That’s very wise of you. I was a stray once, you know…
I still remember the first time my assistant placed a harness on me. I have to be honest with you, it really freaked me out!
I got used to it, though, slowly but surely. The treats certainly helped. Every time my assistant put my harness on me, she’d feed me a spoonful of gravy or a few pieces of Pounce. She also lavished me with sweet talk and strokes.
At first, I only wore the harness for a few minutes inside the house. We did that a few times to get used to it, and then slowly worked our way up from five-minute trips outside to 10 and 15. Pretty soon I was comfortable and walking around.
Now I really look forward to my walks.
Don’t give up on Sally, Troubled! I think a lot of kitties start at that same exact place, but with plenty of positive encouragement, patience and love, pretty soon you two will be enjoying the great outdoors.
Well that was weird…
I had no idea there were bike messengers in Novato, but apparently there are.
Oh, before I get to that, Tahoe was so much fun. Jet skiing, good food, and a gorgeous gondola ride up to almost 10,000 feet above sea level! What a beautiful place. And the water — I still can’t believe how blue it is. From the look of it, I’d swear it was a tropical ocean.
A cold, cold tropical ocean…
When El Hub and I got home last night, Tabs was in a tizzy and pacing around the house because he hadn’t yet heard from his agent about the status of his Hollywood star. See, last month we got word that he was being considered for one, which would be a huge honor for a cat who’s only been acting for less than a year, but they told us that we’d hear back about it by the first of this month.
Well, the first came and went, which we took to mean that Tabs wasn’t getting his star this time.
So, about that bike messenger I mentioned — we heard a knock on the door this afternoon, and Tabs yells, “Meow!” Get the door please!
“Okay, okay, I’m coming!” I rush downstairs, open the door, and there’s this guy there who looks exactly like Joseph Gorden-Levitt, holding out a mysterious-looking envelope and sitting on a fixed gear bicycle. No brakes. Like from the movie, Premium Rush.
I’m like, “Uh…hey, man. Can I help you?”
“Delivery for Tabs the Cat,” he says and sounds very official. “Can you sign for it?”
“Sure…” I say, so he pulls a pen from behind his ear and hands me a form. I sign it, hand it back, and then he takes off down the street. “Later!”
Nice calves, I’m thinking as he peddles away.
I close the door, still a little dumbfounded, and hand the envelope down to Tabs.
“Meow! Meow!” he says, grabbing it and skittering away. It’s from the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, the group that gives out the stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
I follow Tabs into the living room and see that he’s already clawed open the envelope. He reads it, then looks up at me with, what? — could that be a tear in his eye? “Mrrow!!” he shouts excitedly. I got my Hollywood star!!
He’s been on cloud nine all afternoon…
As his assistant, I’m wondering how he’s going to juggle more acting roles with his modeling and other pursuits, but he’s the boss. I just do what I’m told.
Speaking of that, he asked me to post the most recent pics from his kitty modeling portfolio.
Here they are! 🙂
I’m so fired up right now!
Get this: I’m checking my email this afternoon and bam! — it practically jumps at me off the screen. A message from my boss, Tabs (firstname.lastname@example.org), with the subject, “Need you to work next Friday.”
No way. I submitted my vacation request form two weeks ago for a trip to Tahoe El Hub and I have been planning for months. We were going to leave next Friday, just for a couple days. Tabs knew all about it, too. We even talked about it at work the other day.
Gah! I’m so angry right now my hands are shaking.
I can’t believe it… Everything I do for that cat, and it’s never enough.
I’ll tell you this much, if he thinks I’m canceling my trip at this point, he’s got another thing coming. Not this time. Not gonna happen.
Anyway, there were also a few pictures attached to that email from Tabs, some stuff he wanted me to add to his kitty modeling portfolio. Have you seen these yet? 🙂
Tonight, on Downton Tabby…
While Lord and Lady Grantham take breakfast in the state room, Tabs the cat secretly slips an envelope under the door of Lord Grantham’s study, but he is seen skulking away from the door by Thomas the footman, who hurriedly reports the incident to Ms. O’Brien, Lady Grantham’s maid.
After breakfast, Lord Grantham is on his way to his study when he encounters Thomas in the hallway. “My lord,” Thomas says, “Mrs. Patmore wonders if you or Lady Grantham would care to review the menu for this evening’s dinner for the Dowager Countess.”
Lord Grantham, realizing the wisdom of approving the menu beforehand, thanks Thomas for delivering the message and immediately leaves for the kitchen. With Lord Grantham away, Thomas, now alone in the hallway, peers under the door to the study. He sees the envelope that he observed Tabs slipping under the door, and using a letter opener, withdraws the envelope and slips it into the breast pocket of his footman’s jacket.
Moments later in the servants’ living area, O’Brien and Thomas use a hot iron to carefully open the envelope without tearing it and remove the letter.
Thomas, with O’Brien looking over his shoulder, reads the letter, which is addressed to Lord Grantham and begins, “My lord, I feel it is my duty as house cat to inform you of a traitor in your midst…” The traitor, it appears, is Isis the dog, and the letter describes in great detail an incident involving the recent disappearance of one of Lord Grantham’s bedtime slippers.
In the letter, Tabs explains how he watched, from the shadows, Isis take one of the slippers, chew it to pieces, and then bury the remains at the base of the Lebanon Cedar in the garden.
“Good god!” Thomas gasps, as both he and O’Brien realize the magnitude of what they have read.
Isis is a bad dog!
In the meantime, here are some pics from Tabs’ portfolio of kitty modeling jobs this week… 🙂
Copyright © 2019 Makeup and Beauty Blog. Get in touch.