Fashion

Greetings from The Land of No Pants.

No, I’m not just sitting here at my desk with my bum hanging out. I’m wearing these fantastic tights that I can’t believe I just found out about. They’re called the Brushed Sweater Tights, and they’re by a brand called Hue.

Normally, they’re $15, but I got them back on Black Friday for $9.99 each. Also, though, they’re on sale right now on the Macy’s website for $10.50.

These are great! They’re the warmest, most comfy tights in all the land, and they’re really thick. When you slip into them, it’s almost like you’re wearing a cashmere sweater on your legs and booty.

You’d think you’d get overheated, right? Nope. I feel perfectly toasty when I wear these tights, so you will not be sweltering.

Now, of course…I don’t just wear the tights by themselves, so no, I’m not walking around with just tights on, ha ha! I usually wear a dress on top, and then a sweater, and pair them with my khaki Fergie boots. (Which I still love! They’ve held up for years. Props to you, Fergie-Ferg.) OR, I wear them with my over-the-knee Sam Edelman boots, and if it’s extra cold, I’ll add a scarf and a winter coat.

Granted, here in Northern California, while it does get chilly (~30 degrees), the winters are relatively mild compared to the Midwest and the Northeast, where you have sleet and snowbanks and temps fall well below freezing. I don’t know if I could handle wearing just these tights in a place with extreme winter weather, but maybe if you do live someplace like that, you could wear these underneath your pants for an extra layer of warmth, or you could double up on them, which is what I would probably do, LOL!

I think they’re great. They retain their snugness throughout the day, too, so they don’t loosen up, and they kinda hold you in… I mean, not as intensely as Spanx or anything, but I do feel a moderate sausage-y effect, which I appreciate.

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Leave it to the universe to have impeccable timing, because it just reminded of a commitment I made to myself years ago about Turkey Day — that I would never again wear pants with buttons that constrain me in any form or fashion upon the date of a major mega-food fest!

All those years of wearing bullsh*t jeans to Thanksgiving meals… NEVER AGAIN.

Which leads me to my latest aha! find: Spanx leggings. Girlfriend, I AM SHOOKETH.

This knowledge was dropped on me, an unsuspecting woman with a closet filled with raggedy “private stretchy pants”, last Sunday at a meeting of the Novato Mothers Club.

It was held at a Nordstrom. The store sectioned off some of the dressing rooms for the moms, and provided drinks, snacks and stylists.

One of the stylists brought out a selection of Spanx leggings and subsequently raved about them. I kid you not, the leggings looked amazing on everyone — like J. Lo booty, outta-this-world amaze-balls.

More than half the women left with a pair.

OK, first things first: These are NOT workout leggings (although Spanx makes some of those, too). This line is for everyday life. These are thick, high-waisted stretchy pants that suck in your gut, smooth out cellulite, slim your quads and lift your butt to the next level. A couple of the styles also come in petite sizes.

The stylist recommended wearing a long sweater or a tunic with the leggings if you don’t want your booty showing, which is probably what I’d do for some of the styles, like the Faux Leather, the Moto (SUPER CUTE) and the camo.

Oh, and don’t reflexively dismiss the camo. I wanted to hate on it at first because camo isn’t my thing, but one of the moms actually showed up to the event wearing the gray camo pair with black booties, a loose camel sweater tunic and a few layered gold necklaces, and she looked super chic. Equal parts edgy and elegant.

Nordstrom didn’t have any of the jeans-looking leggings in stock, but those look very tempting, too.

And this pair with sequins! WANT. You know me, though. Any excuse for bling.

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