Life lesson No. 389, or “When not to wear a teeny bikini”
Please note that wearing a teeny bikini is perfectly fine when you’re posting up in a beach chair or chilling on a towel on the sand, and for such occasions, Tabs also offers the following advice: 1) suck in your tum when the paparazzi stop by, and 2) always apply sunscreen liberally to your bum.
Also, it should be noted that teeny bikinis aren’t great apparel choices if you plan to go surfing.
Should your tiny triangle top get knocked off as you try to catch that six-foot wave you/I foolishly thought you could handle (FYI: you are so NOT ready for that jelly), hilarity will almost definitely ensue.
It takes great skill to keep a long board from floating away while simultaneously searching for a missing bikini top in the surf, without flashing everyone on the beach.
You may consider yourself a fairly coordinated person, but few among us are coordinated enough for this.
Perhaps this summer, if/when you get the urge to go surfing in a teeny bikini, reach for Essie’s Bikini So Teeny Summer 2012 nail polishes instead ($8 each; available now at select salons and beauty supply stores).
That way, while you’re bobbing on your board in your sporty two-piece, waiting for the next set of waves to come in, you’ll be able to admire sky blue Bikini So Teeny, shimmery carnation pink Cascade Cool, molten bronze All Tied Up, creamy hot pink Off the Shoulder, creamy orange Fear or Desire, or creamy Mojito Madness on your fingers and toes, basking in the knowledge that no one will accidentally see your boobies today.
Two coats of these juicy, sumptuous colors should do ya just fine…
Off the Shoulder