KAREN: “I’m so sorry, Mr. Lagerfeld, but I have to briefly place you on hold. Tabs’ emergency line is ringing, and I need to answer it.
(Picks up phone.) “Hello, Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC, Office of the President. This is a secure line. How may I assist you?”
TABS: “Meow.” (“It took you long enough.”)
KAREN: “Oh, hello, sir. Did you mean to call me on the emergency line? I have Karl on hold, and he’s kind of in a cranky mood…”
TABS: “Meeeeowww. Mrow.” (“No time for pleasantries, woman. What’s the status on the Too Faced Candy Bar Pop-Out Makeup Palette report I asked you to prepare?”)
KAREN: “Well, I was just about to type up the final draft and email it to you, but I can relay the highlights to you over the phone. Do you have a moment? I don’t want to interrupt your vacay on Kauai…”
TABS: “Mrow. Mrrow-mrow-mrow!” (“You know I’m always on the job, even on vacation! Give me the abridged version; I have two minutes before the limo gets here, and I don’t want to be late for my deep-tissue kitty massage at the Four Seasons.”)
KAREN: “Understood, sir. Well, let’s see, the essentials — it’s $25, limited edition, new for spring, and it comes with 11 powder eyeshadows, a matte bronzer and a matte blush. You can also pop out the palette and use the case as a cover for your phone, but it only works with the iPhone 5 (and possibly the 5s).
“I experienced some minor fallout from the shadows. As for blending, the mattes blended pretty well, as did the shimmers, although the lighter shimmers could use a little more pigment. The darker shades, however — in particular the purple and blue — made my eyes a little teary.
“Regarding the packaging, it’s cute, but the pans are rather small. I couldn’t help but accidentally cross-pollinate the colors.”
TABS: “Mrrrwow?” (“The bronzer and blush?”)
KAREN: “I really like them both. Very pigmented, smooth, easy to blend. Again, the smaller pan sizes are kind of a pain because they don’t quite fit my bronzer and blush brushes easily.”