Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, widely considered “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most popular cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
Aspiring singer trying to find his voice
The hills are aliiiive, with the sound of MEOW-siiiic!
Oh, my gosh! I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love singing. It’s all I think about. Singing in the morning, singing at night, singing when I’m just walking around the house. It’s my passion.
I’m always singing! — except not around other cats, though, or people, which I know is weird, but I haven’t really done much singing professionally yet because, well…I’m still a kitten, and also because I have pretty terrible stage fright.
Really. It’s very bad, Tabby. It’s so bad that I can’t even meow. I just freeze up and stand there shaking.
Have you ever had stage fright before? I don’t imagine you have, because you’re so famous, but I thought I’d ask anyway. I mean, do you ever get nervous before you perform? If so what do you do?
-A Terrified Tenor
DEAR TERRIFIED TENOR: Anyone who tells you that they never get nervous or afraid in front of groups is either being funny or fibbing. Everyone gets stage fright sometimes. It’s completely natural.
The thing is, it really does get easier the more you perform, and the more you put yourself out there. You start to realize, “Heck, what’s the worst that could happen?” So you miss a note or forget your lyrics or something. Guess what? Even when it does happen, it’s not a big deal. You’ll be fine. And you’ll get better over time if you just hang in there, and chalk it up to practice.
An unlikely friendship
Dear Mr. Tabby,
First, I should say that I’m a big fan of yours, sir. I’m also…
Well this is a little awkward for me, and I’m not exactly sure how to proceed, but basically, I am a member of the canine persuasion. I am what they commonly refer to as “a dog.” But I am also a cat fan, which is what brings me to my reason for contacting you.
See, it’s about my friend Charles, who is an orange tabby cat. He is also the absolute best friend that I have ever had.
As you can probably imagine, this has been a source of drama in our local dog community. Some of my colleagues have questioned my integrity. Some have even gone so far as to question my sanity, but they don’t know Charles like I do. He’s fluffy and funny and exciting, and we have a lot of fun together.
I just don’t want to have to choose between Charles and my canine brothers. Tabby, from what you know about dogs, do you think Charles and I will ever find acceptance, or do you think it’s a lost cause?
DEAR ROOF TIMES: I wouldn’t call myself a trusting kitty because I’m actually very territorial, but I have known some dogs who were good people.
I’m hopeful that things will get better. The world definitely needs more canine cat crusaders, but I think it all boils down to education. Dogs just need to know that cats aren’t simply playthings that are designed for chasing. We’re also pretty good company once you get to know us.
Maybe you could start by hosting a gathering for local cats and your dog friends. Keep it super low key, and maybe have voluntary muzzles available and designate different areas for cats and dogs while everyone sniffs things out and gets to know each other.
Kitten dreams of breaking barriers
I want to be the first American Ninja Warrior cat, and I am fully committed to doing whatever it takes to make this happen.
Who am I? Well, my name is Trevor, and I’m a little under a year old now, but I’ve been doing parkour and training in secret for the past six months.
The reason I train in secret is because of my mommy cat. She’s afraid that I could hurt myself, and she’s very old fashioned and strict.
I’m wondering now, as the championship approaches, if I should keep training in secret and just wait to see if I get caught, or if I should confront my mommy cat now and tell her that this is what I want to do with my life. What should I do?
-Trevor the Ninja Warrior Cat
DEAR TREVOR: Bravo and best of luck to you for reaching for the stars! I have to say, I do love that show. If I were your age, I might even give it a try.
Here’s the deal: at some point in your life, you’re going to have to learn how to stand up for what you believe in, and it’s better that you learn this lesson sooner than later. For something that you feel this passionate about, I think your mommy will eventually come around. It may take a little while though…
A cat wonders if honesty is the best policy
I’ve been out of town for a while, but I’ve kind of struck up a long-distance relationship with someone remotely. We’ve become pen pals, and we talk about all kinds of things in our letters, like our favorite magazines (she loves Cat Fancy just as much as I do!) and our hopes and dreams (I hope to own a sushi bar someday, and she hopes to become a literary agent).
My current living situation is about to dramatically change, and I’m going to start having substantially more free time. I’m really looking forward to meeting my pen pal, and I want our first meeting to go well. Do you think I should be truthful about everything from the get-go and tell her where I’ve been for the past 3-5 years (it’s a long story), or should I gloss over the details in the beginning and see where things go?
-Locked Up and Looking for Love
DEAR LOCKED UP: Not knowing the details of your time away, I think you should tell her.
Probably right away.
It may be hard, but I think your relationship will be better for it. I hope it all goes well.
Modeling in the digital age
My twin kittens are up-and-coming junior kitty supermodels, and I work full-time as their momager. As a former kitty model myself, I know a lot about the business, but when I was modeling, it was well before social media, so I’m like clueless when it comes to technology.
What are some of your top Instagram tips?
DEAR CHANEL: (Love your name, BTW.) You’re very wise to recognize the importance of social media. My advice? Post consistently, use a similar style across all of your pictures, don’t favor one kitten over the other, try to capture candid moments when you can, and cultivate each kitten’s own unique personality.
Best of luck to you and your brood!