Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, widely considered “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most popular cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
A cat wonders if he should conform
Up ’round the NYC they call me DJ Scratches, but my real name is Dorian Gray. My crew and I just relocated from the city to a small town upstate, and I’m having a hard time connecting with the locals. None of the cats here understand my style, and they tease me and whatnot.
The cats here are more preppy, and maybe I am a little bit out there, but I mean, should I change my style to fit in? I respect your opinion, Tabby.
-Out of Place Upstate
DEAR OUT OF PLACE: The beauty of fashion is individuality. Please do not change your style to appease someone else. The world would be a boring place if we didn’t have style rebels and cats with unique points of view like yourself, so keep doing what you’re doing.
May I suggest starting a style blog to bridge the divide and create a place where different styles are celebrated? It might coax other cats in your area into expressing themselves.
There is no “I” in team
I’ve been booking a lot of kitty modeling jobs lately with this guy named Boris because we have fantastic camera chemistry, but behind the scenes we hate each other.
Honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can take it, but the pay is really good. Basically, if I could find a way to get them to fire Boris and hire a replacement, things would be great, but how should I go about doing that?
-Bye Bye Boris
DEAR BYE BYE: Well, you don’t. I hate to break it to you, but in this industry, you have to learn how to work with others. It’s about being professional for the job, and you might as well learn that now, because you can’t be pulling that diva sh*t as a mid-tier kitty model. Once you’ve been on the cover of five or six magazines, then maybe you could be the diva, but for now you have to learn how to play the game. Suck it up.
Cute cat seeks recruitment advice
I have been trying unsuccessfully to court a young lady in my neighborhood because she’s a good cook and gives the best massages. I would very much like her to be my new assistant.
We’ve hung out a few times casually (she made me sashimi once; it was to die for), but now I’m seeking a commitment. I’ve tried flowers, but they didn’t work. What can I do to seal the deal?
DEAR HOLDING COURT: You have to woo her, and it’s more than just flowers, although that was a good start. Every time you see her, I want you to be on your best behavior. Readily give her purrs, and really throw your weight into your kitty hugs, because they can tell when you’re half-@ssing it. Be your most attentive, alert, loving self.
And also, bring her presents. Mice are great, as are birds.
Woman wonders if there’s such a thing as too many cat tattoos
I just got my first cat tattoo, and I love it! It’s a drawing of my cat Foxy Brown.
I really like how it turned out, and I’m already planning my next cat tattoos, but my friends think I shouldn’t get any more. They think it could be a boyfriend deterrent.
What do you think? How many cat tattoos are too many?
-Tons of Tabbies
DEAR TONS OF TABBIES: Usually when it comes to accessories I believe that more is more, but when it comes to cat tattoos, I think that one big statement piece is enough. It gives you more options for other accessories to wear with it.
My suggestion: paws for a while. Don’t rush. Just take some time to think about it.
Cat with a question about her modeling portfolio
I’m trying to decide what to wear for some kitty modeling glamor shots for my portfolio. Which do you like better — androgynous chic or flirty and sweet?
DEAR GLAMOUR-PUSS: That’s easy! Both. It’ll show your range, and I can see that you have a lot of potential.
Best of luck to you. If you need any help in the business, get in touch. Contact my people, because I also own my own kitty modeling agency.