Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 344

Published in: Just For Fun, Tabs

Dear Tabby

Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, widely considered “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most popular cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

Cat questions canine comparisons

What a dog-like cat

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DEAR TABBY: What does it mean when someone says, “He’s so dog-like”?

Yeah! I hear it all the time, and they usually say it like it’s a compliment, like, “Oh, that’s so cute! He’s just like a dog…” And I’ll be, like, walking around the neighborhood on my leash when some random stranger will say it.

I mean, nothing against dogs… You know, whatever. Some of my coworkers are dogs, and we work together… It’s fine. I have no problem with dogs. They do their thing, you know, with the slobbering and the sniffing. Whatever. I just don’t see the resemblance at all.

Seriously, Tabby, should I be offended, or am I missing something here?

Thank you,
Fiddles

Cat swimming

Just because I like my leash doesn’t make me a cocker spaniel

DEAR FIDDLES: The same thing happens to me all the time! Yeah, I don’t get it either, but I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. I think it actually might be somehow related to the leash, because that seems to be when it happens, when I’m wearing my leash, but I don’t know if it’s a style thing, like if some canine celebrity is rocking my same leash, or something else.

But it does seem to happen a lot when I’m either walking with my assistant on my leash, or waiting at the front door with my leash to go outside.

I guess just try not to take it personally, if you can.

Mature mouser has problems with privacy

Kittens today...

DEAR TABBY: Gah! These kittens today, always with their lion cuts and Twitters and Instagrams. They don’t know which way is up!

There is such a thing as too much sharing. You’re a pro, Tabby, but some of these young kittens just don’t get it. They don’t understand. They don’t realize that once it’s out there in the cloud, it’s forever. It could be five years from now in a job interview, and they’ll find that picture of you drinking those catnip shots. Selfies are the downfall of society!

My nieces and nephews are constantly posting things like that on the Facebooks. How can I get them to stop?

With friendly thanks and best wishes,
Bartholomew

kittenhood bonds

I ordered this necklace online

DEAR BARTHOLOMEW: You gotta lighten up, man! There’s no turning back the clock. These kittens are growing up in a wired world. Sure, sometimes I worry about privacy, but there’s already so much info out there. All you can really do for the kittens is remind them to be careful and use common sense.

As for technology itself, it can be really fun! I encourage you to get one of your nieces or nephews to help you create an Instagram account. Once you get to understand it better, you might even enjoy yourself.

Assistant needs nutrition advice for finicky feline

Finicky feline

DEAR TABBY: I work for — how do I put this? — a very demanding employer. You know that woman from The Devil Wears Prada? Well, my employer Armani is just like that, but a thousand times worse.

Last week her personal physician/nutritionist placed her on a restricted diet that I’m supposed to implement, and I’ve been trying, but nothing seems to make Armani happy. As her assistant/personal chef, the nutrition plan is my responsibility, but I’m floundering. I spend hours preparing her specialized meals, but then when I set them in front of her, she sniffs, rolls her eyes and walks away. One time she even swatted at the bowl.

Tabby, you’re a well-known cat foodie with a sophisticated palette. Do you have any favorite healthy recipes that Armani might like?

Sincerely,
Agnes

Can you hear me meow?

Gravy makes everything better

DEAR AGNES: I’m very glad you asked, because yes, I do. In fact, my digital team and I just unveiled a brand new lifestyle website called onmeowtime.com, which is like Goop for cats, only way cooler. It has exercise plans, yoga videos and an extensive taste-tested recipe index. I’m sure you’ll find something that Armani and her doctor will like.

First-time assistant questions quitting

First-time pet assistant

DEAR TABBY: My parents are always on my case. They keep saying that I need to grow up, so I went out and got a job, but it’s not working out the way I hoped. It’s just that the cat I work for is so demanding, and I thought this was going to be a part-time gig so I’d still have time for cheerleading and band, but now I’m working all the time. Some days even six hours! I hate it.

My boss also makes me do dumb things, too, like clean her litter box and style her fur. I thought we were just gonna hang out and watch TV.

I really want to quit, Tabby, but then I’m afraid that everybody will say, “I told you so.” What should I do?

Best,
Kristy

I expect a lot from my employees

DEAR KRISTY: Welcome to the working world. It’s not all rainbows and feather toys. I applaud you for taking the initiative and learning this lesson early.

As tempting as it might be to quit now, I strongly suggest that you hang in there longer. Lady Gaga didn’t learn how to play piano in a day. Most jobs do get better, and there’s always a transition time when you and your employer are getting to know each other and your work styles.

Pet assisting can be a rich and rewarding career, but you do have to be willing to do the work and learn the ropes. I hope you hang in there.

Much love and success, always,
Tabs

4 Comments

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  1. Becca M says:

    This is always the best part of my Sunday! Thanks Karen and Tabs!

  2. I second Becca! I love this Sunday series, hee hee 🙂
    Kiss & Make-up recently posted … Review | Estée Lauder Clear Difference Oil Control Mattifying Hydrating Gel

  3. Fran says:

    Dear Tabs,
    I know you’re a feline, but I’m writing to you because I can’t find a hamster advice columnist. We hamsters can type just fine if our assistants let us walk on their iPads, but they usually scoop us right up before we can finish a sentence! My assistant is especially tolerant, I think because she’s an old lady. Fifty-eight years old, sheesh, that’s like twenty generations for a dwarf hamster like me, no wonder she’s so slow.
    Anyway, my problem is, her son thinks it’s funny to set his big, blundering guinea pig down on the sofa near me. The reason he thinks it’s so funny is that I can’t help myself — I have to attack this big blob twenty times my size who could eat me out of house and home in two minutes. Doesn’t he understand that I’m genetically programmed to be a food hoarder and defend my stash at all costs? Rocky (the guinea pig) understands that I can’t help myself, but having me underfoot, uselessly biting his fur, really gets on his nerves, not to mention mine. The son thinks it’s especially funny to set me down near Rocky when he’s eating carrots or lettuce, which I don’t even like, and watch me steal it from him. I can’t help myself! It’s instinct! If there’s food to be had, I’ve got to have it! You never know when there might be a famine. My assistant gently suggests to him that this whole scenario is not such a great idea. She wants us to all be one happy family. I don’t have anything against the guinea pig, I just don’t want him in my space or anywhere near my food! How can I get my assistant to be firmer with her son about this?
    Hoping you don’t think us rodents are just lunch and can understand the kinds of problems we have with our assistants,
    Hammy

  4. Joan B. in S. C. says:

    And just like that, my Monday is instantly more pleasant. Tabs, you always give the best advice!

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