Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, widely considered “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most popular cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
Cat questions decision to pursue acting
DEAR TABBY: First things first: happy Easter. Thank you so much for reading my letter.
My question for you pertains to acting. Basically, I just experienced the most humiliating moment of my life, and it has left me questioning my decision to move out here to Hollywood.
Earlier this week I auditioned for a part as a character called “The Easter Bunny” in a production at the nearby mall. My agent said it would be a prestigious stepping stone in my career, but it turned out to be a humiliating disaster.
Like many cats, when I moved out here from the Midwest, I had stars in my eyes. I wanted to be the next Tabs or Morris, but “the biz” hasn’t been what I expected at all.
No one takes me seriously! The only roles I ever get are commercials, and I never get any speaking lines.
So that audition I mentioned? — they wouldn’t even let me into the mall. I was told, “Sorry, buddy. No cats allowed.”
Can you believe it? And I trained near Juilliard.
Anyway, now I’m questioning my decision to move out here. I’m six years old, and I’m not getting any younger. Do you think I should keep trying, or should I take this as a sign and give up acting?
DEAR THOR: Did Morris give up when they told him he was too orange for television? Of course not. In this business, you can’t take the rejection seriously. It happens to us all.
The Easter Bunny just wasn’t the right role for you. When you’re really ready to give up, you’ll know it. You won’t need to ask for my opinion or anyone else’s.
Stay strong, believe in your craft, and keep trying. Also, look for opportunities close to home.
Perhaps practice running lines with your assistant. I do that sometimes. Act calm, cool and collected one minute, and then completely shift gears and flip out. It’s a good exercise.
Kitty seeks big city fashion advice
DEAR TABBY: My assistant and I recently relocated the office from the West Coast to downtown New York, and I’m having a hard time adjusting to the fast-paced environment. I haven’t been sleeping well during the daytime at all, and now I’m nervously licking my fur.
Everything here is just different. More formal, I guess? I can’t quite put my paw on it, but I’m trying to make the best of the situation.
One thing I’ve noticed is the street style. The cats here like to dress up, but I’m not a kitty clothes horse. I don’t know the first thing about fashion. Do you have any simple tips to help me fit in better with these stylish locals?
DEAR TWEETY: I think you’re wise to step up your fashion game a little, especially if you want to break into the East Coast kitty modeling and feline fashion scenes (you didn’t say).
Since I work both coasts, I follow a formula: whenever I’m working in New York, I start with whatever I would have worn in California, but I wear it in black instead. For example, if I would have worn my favorite blue tie to an interview in California, in New York I’ll wear a black tie instead. This is to accommodate for the more fashionable East Coat lifestyle.
Cat considers a major career change
DEAR TABBY: Lately I’ve been feeling very unfulfilled. See, I’ve been working as a security guard for a group of cats who… Well, never mind what they do. It’s not important. I just don’t enjoy doing it anymore. I want to try something new (accounting), but I don’t know how to go about getting the proper training.
I’ve applied to dozens of universities (both CSU and UC systems), but it’s not working out. None of them even respond.
So I’m wondering about online degree programs. Are there any you like, and do you think they’ll work for cats?
DEAR STRAWBERRY: Oh, absolutely, they work. I hold four degrees, all of which I obtained online using my iPhone.
Most large schools offer online classes now, and personally, I don’t think the school matters as much as the particular program. It depends on the field you want to study.
For accounting, I think you have a lot of good options. I actually have a friend taking online accounting courses now through Berkeley. It helped her during the application process to enlist her assistant, as many of the online applications cater to human students with fingers and thumbs.
I applaud your ambition, Strawberry. Study hard. I’m rooting for you.
Cat bothered by new roommate’s silent treatment
DEAR TABBY: Tabby, my new roommate is the weirdest cat I’ve ever known. His name is Bunny, and he refuses to even acknowledge my existence.
He hasn’t said a single word to me since he moved in two weeks ago — not one word. He doesn’t eat with me, snuggle with me, clean with me. He doesn’t climb the cat tower, doesn’t stalk the birds outside, doesn’t play with toys. It’s just weird!
When I offered him some of my favorite whitefish in gravy dinner the other night, he took two sniffs and hopped — literally hopped — out of the room.
I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do, but I really want this situation to work. What should I do?
DEAR WENDY: How does Bunny feel about catnip? Does he show any interest in it at all? Something tells me he will.
Have you entertained the possibility that Bunny is actually a rabbit? It would explain his uncommunicative nature.
I’ve known a number of rabbits in my life, and they can be quite friendly once you get to know them. Very cuddly too. For what it’s worth, every one I’ve ever met was a vegetarian.
Much love, always, and happy Easter. 🙂