Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 212

Published in: Just For Fun, Tabs

Dear Tabby

Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

Home wrecker or house cat?

Not Loving My Neighbor

DEAR TABBY: My assistant has been spending a lot of time with the cat next door…

I don’t know if I should be concerned, but I do tend to worry. A lot. About everything. See, I’m a scaredy cat, and being nervous is in my nature.

Her name is Patches — the cat, not my assistant — and we’re actually all close friends. I’ve always assumed that Patches lives in one of the houses in our neighborhood, but I’ve never met her assistant. In fact, I don’t even know if she has one. Patches spends most of her time hiking and exploring the great outdoors.

Sometimes when my assistant — let’s call her Jane — and I go out for a walk, we run into Patches, and everything seems fine. I feel like we’re all friends, but then Jane spends a good 10 minutes petting Patches and scratching behind her ears.

Right in front of me!

This last time, Jane even gave Patches some treats from her pocket! The same treats Jane always gives to me!

I just don’t know what to do. Jane and I have been together for more than six years, and she’s so much more than an employee to me. We’re also best friends.

What do you think, Tabby? I know that you and your assistant (Karen, right?) have also been together for a long time. Should I be concerned, or am I just being a scaredy cat?
– Not Loving My Neighbor

With my long-time assistant, Karen

DEAR NOT LOVING: I feel your pain. The bond between a feline and his/her pet assistant is sacred, and while I think you should be a little concerned, it’s probably too early to bare your claws.

Yes, your assistant’s actions are highly suspicious, but there may be other things going on. Jane may not be doing anything wrong. Sometimes cats like Patches who spend a lot of time on their own get very lonely. Maybe she’s just looking for a little love and attention. I’ve known many outdoor kitties like that.

Until you have all the facts, it’s too early to assume that your assistant is looking for a new job. Keep your eyes and ears open, and if Patches comes home with your assistant one of these days, that’s your cue to overreact.

Three problems with boundaries

Working Hard for the Money

DEAR TABBY: I pet assist for three very lovely Siamese kitties, and I love my job. I love working for all three of them, but they have no respect for boundaries. I can’t even take a lunch break without one or more of them strolling into my office unannounced.

I’m not sure what to do…

I could be sitting there at my desk eating a sandwich — so obviously I’m taking a break — but they act totally unaware. They hop up on the desk, walk all over my sandwich and even have the nerve to purr.

Tabby, I take my job very seriously, but by the same token, I also need my breaks. Am I being unreasonable to expect a little courtesy? Isn’t their behavior rude?
– Working Hard for the Money

Hard at work

DEAR WORKING HARD: You must be an amazing pet assistant because it sounds like your three kitty employers really, really love spending time with you.

My personal philosophy? Humans deserve breaks and boundaries, too. But not all felines feel the same way.

I think you need to have a conversation with your employers. Be firm with them, but don’t yell. If you yell, they’ll just run away. Tell them that you love assisting them but need a break during the day. An hour of alone time at lunch shouldn’t be too much to ask.

Single Maine Coon (husky) seeks kind companion

Lonely in Los Angeles

DEAR TABBY: I’m a single 3-year-old Maine Coon cat looking for a personal assistant of his own. I’m also 25 pounds, but a lot of that is fur.

Many would-be assistants make fun of my size, but I’m used to it now, so I just meow and purr to put other pets and people at ease. I wouldn’t mind so much, but you see, I also live at a shelter, and the humans always seem to gravitate toward the kittens in the cubicle next door.

I know that my size intimidates smaller humans. Either that, or they’re intimidated by my wealth, as I’ve made some very lucrative investments on the international gravy trading market.

Tabby, all I want is someone to pet me and take me home. Do you think I’ll ever find my own pet assistant? Someday? Maybe?
– Lonely in Los Angeles

Husky cats need love, too

DEAR LONELY: Yes, Lonely. Absolutely, I do.

Have you ever heard of Husky House Cats International? It’s a non-profit organization specializing in placing extra large kitties (at least 18 pounds) with like-minded pet assistants. Founded in 1992, HHCI provides networking opportunities and arranges social meow-ups for cats and prospective assistants, both in-person and online.

Remember this, Lonely: you’re a good cat. I can tell, and you have a lot of love to give. Keep your tail high and your chin up. Those kittens won’t win every time.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addicts,

Karen and Tabs

22 Comments

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So far, 22 people have commented on this article. How cool is that?

  1. Chelsea says:

    How do I donate to Husky House Cats International? Seems like a worthy cause!

    Great advice, as usual, Tabs! Looking forward to the next edition of Dear Tabby!

  2. Erica says:

    I love your brain so much, Karen. SO MUCH.

  3. LOL Husky House Cats International! Tango has one foot in that one already :p I totally adore Maine Coons, but I might be pretty allergic to so much fur.
    Sunny @ Mostly Sunny recently posted … Another Wonder from Down Under: Alpha-H Liquid Gold

  4. Dea says:

    This is soooo cute! I would love to read more!

  5. Jennifer says:

    I found a kitten by work not too long ago that had been seriously hurt… I brought her to a shelter who fixed her up and adopted her out… She was a gorgeous Maine Coon… this completely reminds me of her!

    • Tabs says:

      That was a really kind thing to do, Jennifer. Thank you for taking that Maine Coon kitty and helping her find her new assistant.

      Major cat karma points!

      Love ya,
      Tabs

  6. Nina says:

    This is an EPIC post! I love the Dear Tabby letters sooo very much.

    PS – LOL is not very happy about Little Bean. He growls and swats at me after he sees me trying to chat up LB. :-/

    • Tabs says:

      Hello Nina, LOL and Little Bean,

      My, my, sounds like there’s a lot of kitty politics! You’d think that LOL would be a little more understanding since he was once an outdoor kitty and all. Do you get the sense that Little Bean will ever join your indoor fur fam?

      XO,
      Tabs

      • Nina says:

        I want her to, but it can/will only happen if she finally becomes friends w/ me. :-) I want to take her to the v*t soon for a checkup. :-)

        Thank you, Tabs.

        <3

  7. Tiffany says:

    Tabs, you always give such good advice. I love the letters and all of the pics. :)

    • Tabs says:

      Thanks, Tiffany. I’m so glad you enjoy my column! I love helping both humans and kitties solve problems. It makes me feel needed and loved.

      Kisses,
      Tabs

  8. I used to want a Maine Coon so badly! Hubby is allergic to cats and I’d read that these ranked lower on the allergy scale than most cats. I also loved their size! I hope that kitteh finds a Pet Assistant soon!
    Leah @ Mile High Beauty Blog recently posted … Randomness from Sephora

  9. BeckBeck says:

    Husky House Cats International! Love it! I think both of my parents’ cat employers were beneficiaries of that foundation… although they’ve slimmed down a bit since switching to healthier cat food.

  10. Elizabeth says:

    I have a husky female Maine Coon. When I got her at the shelter, she had been there longer than any of the other cats. But now she has me as her assistant, plus my other cat, and she seems pretty happy! I love husky cats!

  11. Lulle says:

    Oh Tabs, I need to send you a question, hoping you’ll answer in next week’s column, what’s your email address?
    Lulle recently posted … Evergreen, a great polish for cold winter evenings

  12. musical says:

    Tabs! Love you LOTS! =^.^= <3

  13. Alison says:

    Awww, you make me melt, Tabs! I’m sure Lonely was delighted to get your letter back!

  14. Melitina says:

    As the assistant to an adorable 13 pounds tabby who has been deemed next to obese by his vet a few weeks ago, when he is only a larger size fit and healthy young kitty, I can only send my best wishes to Lonely and hope he’ll find an assistant soon! The heck with all these close-minded wannabee assistants, you deserve better ;-)

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