Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
An unconventional office romance
DEAR TABBY: I’ve had a crush on the same cat since we were kittens, but I don’t think she even knows I exist. You see, I work late a lot. I’m a certified kitty accountant (you know how it is, Tabby, married to my job), and I think she must also work in the area, because I watch her through the windows of my office late at night.
Sometimes I’ll see her chatting with other cats under the street lamps and, yeah, it makes me jealous, but I’m also very introverted and shy.
I rarely, if ever, go outside, whereas she, on the other paw, is a free spirit who stays out all night. It’s a classic case of when opposites attract.
My question is this: how do I let her know I’m interested without coming on too strong, and should I even bother? We work in the same area, but it’s as if we’re worlds apart.
— Interested Introvert
DEAR INTERESTED: I’ve counseled many cats in situations similar to yours, where one of the interested parties works indoors and the other one works outside, and here’s what I tell them: yes, I think you should absolutely let her know how you feel, and don’t worry about coming on too strong. Romance is all about taking risks.
I suggest interpretive dance. Express your feelings through dance one night, and try to get her attention through the glass. You’ll never know what might be unless you try.
A cat who wants to be more than friends
DEAR TABBY: This week, completely out of nowhere, my best guy friend cat brought me a mouse, then started nuzzling me and purring.
I was like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?!” and he looked terribly hurt.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s a very cute tom cat, but he’s also seeing one of my friends.
What should I do, Tabby? I’m not against purr-suing a relationship with him, but not while he’s seeing another cat.
— Friendly Tension
DEAR FRIENDLY: Your reaction was completely understandable. He’s putting the moves on you while he’s seeing someone else!
In this case, I think you just have to be crystal clear with him. Spell everything out.
Let him know that you would never consider dating him while he’s seeing someone else, and proceed with caution. Take it slowly when dealing with friendships and matters of the heart.
It’s the thought that counts
DEAR TABBY: I want to get my boyfriend a Valentine’s Day card from my cat, but I don’t know. Is that weird? I think it would be awesome.
— Feline Feelings
DEAR FEELINGS: Is he feline friendly? You have to answer that question first. If he’s shown interest in your kitty companion, most notably, like, have you observed baby talking, or has he brought your cat any gifts? If so, then it would be completely appropriate.
If, however, he ignores your cat, sacrilege! Dump him.
Just kidding! (No, really, dump him.)
A cat with a question about gift-giving
DEAR TABBY: I’m thinking about getting a Valentine’s Day gift for my assistant. Would a mouse be appropriate, or should I just go with something like shoes or chocolate?
— Modern Mouser
DEAR MOUSER: Don’t waste your time spending half your day hunting for a mouse. Go with the chocolates instead. I speak from experience.
Much love, always,