Hello, sweet friend. Happy Thursday to ya. I hope things are going well on your end of the keyboard.
I know that I’ve been kind of MIA this week, but it’s just… I’m going through some things.
I wish I could say that I’ve been playing hooky and having exciting adventures, but truth be told, it hasn’t been like that. It’s just that I’m turning 40 in June, and I’m going through… I don’t think it’s a crisis, but it’s definitely something.
I woke up yesterday morning and realized — holy crap! — my 30s are over. Like, totally and officially over.
It seems like just yesterday I was celebrating my thirtieth. (We went to a drag queen karaoke bar! You know how I roll. 🙂 *snaps*). Now it’s 10 years later, just like that. I’m emotionally very tender right now…
It’s a bunch of different things, like not having children, and babe, seriously…I don’t know what’s going on with me. It’s like, I can’t even look at babies right now without getting teary.
For the longest time, I wasn’t sure if I was meant to be a mom, and I didn’t really think about it much. I just kept myself busy working on different projects like people do, but now I really, really, REALLY want to have a child.
But I waited so long…
I feel like such a fool. I let my prime childbearing years pass me by, and now whenever El Hub and I even start to talk about it, I get super emotional. 🙁 It’s deep, intense and real.
Aaaand, that’s just part of it. I’m also tired of living in disarray. My office is a cluttered mess, and my house needs attention.
If you saw my office — and I don’t want to share a picture of it because there’s nothing cute about it — you’d be amazed that I actually manage to get anything done.
I’m also tired of hearing myself talk about decorating my space and making our condo a home but not actually doing anything about it, you know? It’s like I wake up, start working, and the next thing you know, it’s evening and I’m exhausted, and the last thing I want to do is clean the bathroom or contemplate an end table. I throw myself into whatever I’m doing and the hours pass.
Anyway, if you made it this far down, thank you for lending me your ear and letting me ramble. Sometimes just talking about it makes me feel better.
Even though I’ve written millions of words on this blog, I still hold a lot in, even from my husband (and my cat). I’m the kind of person who tries to work things out on her own, even when she shouldn’t/can’t, but I’m trying to get better about being more open and allowing others to help. It’s not a bad thing to need help.
I think I need to take a few days to get my sh*t together. I still plan to post, because I also need to talk, but the posts will probably be a little different. Shorter, and maybe more random…
Thank you again for listening, my friend. I hope you’re having a good week so far. Talk to you soon.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,