Driving home from the gym tonight I heard the song Baby Got Back on the radio, the 1992 smash hit by celebrated lyricist Sir Mix-a-Lot (LOL). I cannot stand that song, but for reasons unknown I am able to recite every single word of it. As soon as that intro starts I am compelled to sing: “I like big butts and I cannot lie! Those other brothers can’t deny!”
After subjecting El Hub to my questionable rapping skillz in the car I thought to myself, “Dang, I wish I didn’t know the words to Baby Got Back.” And so this list was born…
9 Things I Wish I Didn’t Know
- How hurtful people can be.
- The crunchy sound that a brand new Honda Civic makes when it hits a Brady Bunch-esque station wagon at an intersection in Vallejo, California.
- Writer’s block.
- How heartbreak feels.
- The names of all the characters in Family Guy. Both El Hub and my brother love the show and subject me to it often and against my will.
- The previous winners of Flavor of Love: Hoopz (Season 1) and Deelishish (Season 2). Give it up, Flav! You’re never going to find love on VH1, and all those hours spent watching your show take up valuable space in my brain that I could’ve filled with useful knowledge about rocket science and sea turtles.
- How it feels to doubt myself.
- The nausea that occurs while one is eating an apple and suddenly realizes there’s a live, green, wiggly worm inside it.
- How mortifying it is for a little sixth grade girl (we’ll call her Karen) to pass gas in a room full of sixth graders. Three words, ladies: scarred for life.
How about you? Do you have a list of things you wish you didn’t know? Leave them in the comments, or send them to me in an email if they’re too personal for the blog.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,