Somewhere out there beyond the Mars Curiosity rover in a parallel universe where space and time are all mixed up and funkdafied, a 90-something-year-old Karen is sitting on her living room couch with Tabs 4.0 because, obviously, by that time kitty cloning will be, like, a thing, and alternate future Karen will have the foresight to preserve Tabs 1.0’s DNA.
Future Karen is watching an old movie on TV (the original Sex and the City — the good one) for the umpteenth time and smiling nostalgically as Carrie skips down the sidewalk in her Jimmy Choos.
Future Karen scratches Tabs 4.0 on the head, then starts massaging her titanium robot feet and knees. “Boy,” she says, “it’s a good thing I started wearing flats on the regular in my thirties!”
Tabs 4.0 meows in complete agreement…
“Thank goodness for the BCBG Zuma flats.”
Yeah, I don’t know nothin’ about no flats, son.
Okay…I know you’re probably not a son, but it just seemed right to throw that in there at the end.
Like I was saying, I don’t know jack about flats, but I do know that almost every woman I meet over 60 goes “Tsk tsk tsk,” when she sees me in high heels, so I figure I should start wearing flats every so often.
It also gives me another excuse to buy shoes.
I feel like Frodo Baggins when I wear these, but I like ’em even though they’re short.
So shiny… So sparkly… And the ankle strap keeps my heel from popping out when I walk.
Ugh, I hate it when that happens — when your shoes go flapping in the wind. It’s one of the reasons I’ve avoided flats for so long.
Thankfully, it doesn’t happen with these.
They have some pretty good arch support, too, but I might add an insert to help my dogs through extra long days…like for when Ryan Gosling’s people call to say that, yes, he’d like to hire me to ghost write his personal blog, and I’ll be expected to chase after him for 14-16 hours per day (preferably, he is shirtless in this scenario).
How comfy are they? Well, I sprinted a hella long city block and down two flights of stairs at Macy’s in SF last Friday so that I could eat my cup of melting Pinkberry fro-yo in the sunshine outside.
That’s comfy, right there.
I have them in a black patent leather with gold and silver accents, but they also come in a black and white version. You can find ’em now at DSW stores and dsw.com ($49.95).
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,