KAREN: Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC, Office of the President, Karen speaking. How may I help you?
RYGOS: Ryan Gosling Incorporated, Office of My Living Room, Ryan speaking.
KAREN: Ryan, you’re hella dumb!
RYGOS: Excuse me, what was that? Who says “hella”?
KAREN: Only the cool kids say hella… So you’re excluded, haha!
RYGOS: Oh, she has jokes.
KAREN: Yeah, yeah…
Dude, I’m kind of busy, so I can’t really chat right now. What’s up?
RYGOS: Oh, I’m sorry. You’re busy. Because you’re so important that you can’t make time for your old friend Ryan anymore.
KAREN: Ah, poor Ryan… It’s so hard to find somebody to talk to when you’re a famous actor.
RYGOS: Hey, now.
KAREN: Don’t worry. You’re still my number one favorite shirtless actor. I’m actually just trying to get out of here because I have dinner plans with El Hub tonight. It’s our eighth wedding anniversary.
RYGOS: Wow, eight already? Are you finally gonna give El Hub that medal?
KAREN: What medal?
RYGOS: You know, that medal for putting up with you.
KAREN: (…) What do you want, Ryan?
RYGOS: I need to get my sister a present.
KAREN: Go on. I like where this is headed.
RYGOS: She said she wanted a red lipstick from NARS, but of course I have no idea which one to get, so I thought I’d call my favorite crazy cat lady/friendly neighborhood beauty addict.
KAREN: Aw, flattery will get you everywhere.
RYGOS: Really? I’ve never heard that.
KAREN: OK, here’s what you do. Wait until July 15th, because that’s when the new NARS Night Caller fall collection comes out.
There’s a limited edition Satin Lip Pencil in the release called Mondore. It’s a beautiful, rich, warm satiny lipstick, sort of halfway between brick red and deep cranberry.
Not your typical red lip, so it’s kind of special.
It’s also super smooth, lasts for hours, and it’ll even stay put through dinner and drinks.
Your sis will love it.
RYGOS: Sounds perfect! But the 15th, huh? I’m not sure I’m going to be in town on the 15th.
KAREN: Why don’t you just ask your assistant to get it?
RYGOS: C’mon now! I’m not so big for my britches that I can’t shop for my own sister’s present.
KAREN: OK. Well, if you can’t get to a NARS boutique on the 15th, you can order it online at narscosmetics.com.
Or you could just wait for August 1, which is when it arrives at Sephora stores and NARS counters.
RYGOS: Aw, thanks, K. What would I do without you?
KAREN: Live a miserable life being really bored because you’d have nobody to tell you crazy cat lady stories.
RYGOS: Haha! Truer words were never spoken.
KAREN: Is that it? I really have to go now.
RYGOS: Alrighty, bud. You tell that hubby of yours hi, and remind him about our fishing trip on the 23rd.
KAREN: Don’t you mean your bromance trip?
RYGOS: Oh, you’re hilarious.
KAREN: I know.
RYGOS: You belong on late-night television.
KAREN: Yeah, I’ve got jokes for days.
RYGOS: Months even!
KAREN: Alright! I’m hanging up now.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,