Urban Decay 24/7 Waterproof Liquid Eyeliner in Smog, $19

Sometime in the not-so-distant future…

“Remember smog?”

“Smog! Of course I remember smog. It was one of my favorite things about the early twenty-first century.”

“Mine too!”

Years from now as you and I share a cheesecake in the middle of the night at our Miami home with the other Golden Girls — dibs on being the Sophia of the group! She’s short, cranky and carries her purse around everywhere, so I feel like I’d be a good fit — we’ll look back on this time as the era of Smog.

No, not the kind that hovers over the San Fernando Valley… I’m referring to Urban Decay’s $19 shimmery masterpiece of golden khaki bronze, the 24/7 Waterproof Liquid Eyeliner in Smog.

“Gosh, we wore it with everything!” we’ll say. “We didn’t even touch black liners there for a while.”

It looked so good with summery golds, khakis, bronzes and browns. Even corals, purples and teals.

“Dang,” we’ll say, “that was one flexible liquid liner…”

You’ll roll your eyes as I retell the story (FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME) of how I was wearing waterproof Smog along my lash lines when I bumped into Ryan Gosling that time in Hawaii.

It was early in the morning just after dawn, hardly anyone else in the water, and I was sitting back on my surfboard waiting for the next wave. Smog’s shimmery, shiny finish caught the sunlight, which caught Ryan’s eye and prompted him to paddle over and say, “Hey girl.”

“We surfed, laughed and shared a shave ice that day,” I’ll say, “and Smog lasted from 10-12 hours.”

At some point you’ll remind me of my penchant for telling tall tales, and I’ll tap my plate with my fork, contemplating another slice of cheesecake.

What else can I say about Smog, babe? I just love it.

It’s waterproof and long-lasting enough to spend the day surfing and complements just about every eye color I’ve ever seen.

I love the way its golden khaki bronze color works with the kinds of colors I like to wear in summer.

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Wearing the new $18 Easy Baked Eyeshadow… Are you ready to get Easy Baked with Urban Decay?

On the one hand, I love wearing Urban Decay’s new $18 Easy Baked Eyeshadow. The slight semblance of cantaloupe that peeks through when the light hits it just right keeps it from ending up in the run-of-the-mill bronze eye shadow pile.

And when I wear it, thanks to the soft shimmer, which works like DOPE-@ss mood lighting, I swear I don’t look half as tired as I usually feel.

Urban Decay Easy Baked Eyeshadow

But on the other hand, I hate it.

HATE IT!

No, not because it two-timed or double crossed me, Don Draper-style. I actually think it’s a great little eye shadow. Worn with a primer, this bronzed peach lasts all day long on my lids (although without one, I start to see creases after two), blends like it was born for gradients, and I just know it’ll rock the Casbah with the corals, browns and teals I plan to wear on my eyes this summer.

It’s just that every time I wear Easy Baked…I think of the Easy Bake Oven I always wanted as a kid but never got.

Wasn’t the Easy Bake Oven the coolest??

I was so jealous of those girls in the commercial baking brownies in their bedroom (I mean, baking brownies in your bedroom? How cool is that!?). My mom never baked because cooking wasn’t really her thing. It wasn’t until I left for college that I realized that cooked meat didn’t have to have the texture of an old leathery shoe (sorry, Mom!).

Urban Decay Easy Baked Eyeshadow on my lids, UD Smog along my lash lines, NARS Boys Don’t Cry Blush on my cheeks and Buxom Boo-Ya Lip Gloss on my lips

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On my lids: the Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Shadow Pencil in Mushroom ($20)

There’s a fungus among us, ladies and gents. With Urban Decay’s new 24/7 Glide-On Shadow Pencil in Mushroom, you’ll be able to knock out neutral looks in a flash.

And not just any old neutral looks. Neutral looks with pizzaz! — as this waterproof, long-lasting gray eye shadow also shimmers.

Right now it’s driving my Blanche Deveraux side wild, but she was mightily concerned at first…

When I showed it to her, she feigned almost passing out, raising the back of a wrist to her forehead and steadying herself against one of the posts on the veranda outside (also known as the back deck). “Oh, dear,” she declared in her thick Southern drawl, “if you’re gonna wear another boring gray shadow, I’ll just die. JUST DIE!”

See, my Blanche Deveraux side believes that neutrals should only be worn when shopping for sensible shoes, filling out Excel spreadsheets and cleaning cat barf from the carpets (seriously, Tabs, couldn’t you have aimed for the tiles?). In her mind, why bother with a boring gray when there are so many sparklier shades out there (she said, while batting her lashes at a pair of French naval officers on shore leave)?

But then she took a closer look at the tip…

And totally changed her tune. She saw an intense, warm gray with a shiny, silvery pearl finish.

When I explained how the easy-to-blend formula lasts all day long when worn with or without a primer, she snatched the pencil from my paws, and before I could protest, applied it to her lids.

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide On Shadow Pencils in Mushroom (left) and Noise (right)

Urban Decay Mushroom swatch

Glitter lover says what? That’s Urban Decay’s Baked and Urban Cowboy Glitter Heavy Metal Glitter Eyeliners ($18 each) along my upper and lower lash lines

Happy, HAPPY Friday, my friend.

Right before I opened my eyes this morning, when I was still lying in bed, the mental fog started to clear, and I smiled.

It’s Friday! We made it through another week.

Sorry about not being around much the past couple of days. This week kind of kicked my butt. Nothing huge, but it seemed like every day one new, unexpected thing came up to throw me off my regular routine.

I’m a creature of habit, and sometimes all it takes is one extra hour I have to spend on something I didn’t plan for, and I’m a mess after that. It’s hard to get back on track.

Oh! Remember the Bobbi Brown Master Class I mentioned a couple weeks back? It was yesterday in SF, and I went. I’m putting together a post with the tips I picked up, but it’s not quite ready yet. For now, though, here’s a sneaky peaky…

Observe my terrified expression, haha! I was asked to be the class model, and it was…an experience. Really fun, but I completely underestimated how hard it would be to NOT make any funny faces for two hours.

In other news, Urban Decay’s 24/7 Heavy Metal Glitter Liners in Baked and Urban Cowboy.

That’s Baked on the right and Urban Cowboy on the left

You might be thinking, “Um…but I thought the only people who could get away with glitter were gymnasts and figure skaters? And I’m neither.”

Wait now! Come back here. Don’t run away just yet. Contrary to popular belief, gymnasts, figure skaters and Honey Boo Boo are not the only people who can pull off glitter. We can do it, too, and with Urban Decay’s gold and bronze glitter liners, we can look sassy and age-appropriate.

Baked (left) and Urban Cowboy (right)

These long-lasting, clear liquid liners are filled with flecks of glitter so small that a Smurf could wear ‘em.

What I’ll usually do with these is draw a thin line along my upper or lower lash lines with the skinny brush (although for these pics, I’ve lined both my upper and lowers for emphasis), curl my lashes, and then coat them with mascara.

When I look in the mirror, it’s hard to even discern this glitter from more than a few feet away. All I see is a pair of bright, sparkling eyes!

The thin brush draws perfectly precise lines

Eye liner mania! I haz it!

– WARNING —

You may want to avert your eyes.

– WARNING –

Urban Decay’s recently relaunched collection of long-wearing, waterproof 24/7 Glide-On Pencils has been known to drive makeup lovers bat-sh*t crazy (in the best possible way).

The brand recently added 13 new shades and 14 previously released limited edition colors to their permanent line, bumping up the total number of available shades to 40.

40!

Heck, on most days I’m lucky if I can decide between Perversion and Bourbon. Forget being able to decide among 40 shades.

And the rainbow of colors comes in a range of finishes, too, like matte, shimmer, sparkle and satin.

Here are pics and swatches of the new and previously released shades… Let me know if any of these pencils draws you in. (Haha, draws? Get it? Okay, I’ll stop.)

Smoke, Roach, Desperation, Scorch, Goldmine and Loaded