Wearing Dolce & Gabbana’s Voluptuous Lipstick in Gentle Monica 70, one of three new shades in the True Monica collection

My favorite thing about the three new Dolce & Gabbana Voluptuous Lipsticks in the True Monica collection? That even if you’re clad in frayed sweatpants and a t-shirt peppered with holes, and your hair passed the point when it probably should’ve been washed THREE DAYS AGO, and there are still sticky boogers all up in your eyes because you decided not to wash your face this morning…you’ll still feel like a seductive Italian screen siren wearing one of them, pouty lips and all.

Clockwise from the left: Nude Monica 20, True Monica 40 and Gentle Monica 70

The three $33 lipsticks, each of them inspired by Italian actress/model/all-around hot babe Monica Bellucci, whom you might remember from The Matrix Reloaded, or more recently from The Whistleblower with Rachel Weisz, and one of her signature makeup looks with smokey eyes and nude-toned, full lips.

From the left: Nude Monica 20, True Monica 40 and Gentle Monica 70

For the all important question: “Which of these warm, creamy lip colors would I wear to jury duty or the DMV?”

The answer: “Any of them.” Creamy beige Nude Monica, pinkish beige True Monica or pale rose Gentle Monica.

But why stop at the courthouse? Slip one on anytime you want to stop traffic, perhaps with your hair down, a pair of femme fatale high heels and a body-con dress.

Nude Monica 20

Wearing Giorgio Armani Flash Lacquer in Rouge 400 ($29), one of 36 shades in the new Flash Lacquer line available now

If I’d realized back then as an undergrad slogging through chemistry classes that science could also be used for things like building a better lip gloss…I probably would’ve paid closer attention in class and said things like, “Cyclohexane chair and boat shapes? I’M ON THAT SH*T!”

Thank you, science, for taking us to the moon, creating super-sized movie popcorn kernels and for providing us with better living through advanced lip gloss chemistry, like the chemistry behind Giorgio Armani Beauty’s new line of Beauty Flash Lacquers ($29 each and available in 36 shades).

Flash Lacquer in Pink 526 on the left and Rouge 400 on the right

The brand new line of lip glosses flaunts scientific-sounding bells and whistles and a stratospherically shiny, smooth formula with characteristics like…

• An elastic shine formula that fills in lip lines for an extremely smooth surface
• A polymer weave that continuously reshapes itself while on your lips
• A low viscosity to keep the gloss surface perfectly smooth

All of this in the pursuit of one lofty goal: to fashion the highest reflection ever achieved in a lip gloss!

Groovy…

Well, it’s shiny — that’s for sure. And dramatic like a microphone drop.

Earlier today I was standing in front of a window, and I could see the color on my lips in the reflection as clearly as if I was standing in front of a mirror.

Boom.

And the formula remains super shiner as long as I don’t go rubbing or pressing my lips together. When I do, the shine quickly dulls down to a slight sheen.

I’ve been testing two of the shades this week, shimmery Pink 526 and creamy red Rouge 400.

Swatches in Rouge 400 (left) and Pink 526 (right)

The limited edition MAC RiRi Woo Lipstick ($15), an online exclusive, is comin’ your way this June

7 places I’d like to wear MAC’s new RiRi Woo Lipstick, a $15 limited edition, online exclusive collaboration with Rihanna

1. To a fancy fashion party with Gwen Stefani in attendance. I’d walk up to her, point at her signature matte red lips, and then mine, and say, “Twinsies, Gwen! Twinsies!”
2. To Trader Joe’s, but only if I’m also wearing it with Blacktrack, a pair of 33 Lashes, Blushbaby Blush and a sassy, pin-up girl outfit, because A) all those things would look killer with RiRi Woo’s cool, matte red color and B) I strive to live in a world where one dresses up solely to buy frozen broccoli.
3. On a plane heading to the Cannes Film Festival (oh, someday!), because power reds go so well with crossing big dreams off of life lists. Of course, I’d also want to have a tube of hydrating lip balm with me, since RiRi Woo’s matte finish, combined with a climate-controlled airplane cabin, would dry my lips like WHOA!
4. To a Tina Turner concert because, I dunno, I just think Tina’s a total @ss-kicker. I listened to Better Be Good to Me on the treadmill last Saturday and had one of the best runs of my life, seriously. If I were ever in the front row at one of her concerts, maybe she’d catch a glimpse of RiRi Woo on my lips as I screamed, “I LOVE YOU, TINA!!” at the top of my lungs.
5. To a Mad Men-themed cocktail party dressed up like Betty Draper when she totally lost her her sh*t and started shooting birds in the yard, complete with nightie, prop cigarette and prop shotgun. If possible, I’d also incorporate toy pigeons into the outfit as well.
6. To a vampire techo club, a la Blade (the first one), because who has time to touch up their lips when they’re dancing to New Order one minute and running for their life the next? It’s those unexpected fight-or-flight moments when long-wearing mattes like RiRi Woo (hello, 6-hour wear time!) really come in handy.
7. To basically anywhere I’d also wear the regular Ruby Woo shade, since the two appear to be, more or less, the same color, with the big difference being, as far as I can tell, the hearts and RiRi’s signature etched into the side of the bullet.

RiRi Woo, y’all! Apparently, gals went ca-ray-zaaay when it went on sale on MAC’s website May 2. It sold out quicker than you can sing, “Umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh!”

Okay, not exactly… It took about three hours, from what I hear.

RiRi Woo on the left and Ruby Woo on the right

MAC Feel My Pulse Lipstick

Oh, my gosh, it’s happening! The annual coral migration has begun.

Every year around this time huge flocks of corals migrate from their winter hideaways to makeup counters everywhere, gathering in large numbers wherever there are lip displays.

It’s one of my favorite things.

When the corals come back in spring and summer, it’s like, it reminds me that the world will keep turning… Frozen yogurt will keep tasting great, the Real Housewives of My Butt will keep screaming nonsense at each other on Bravo, and RyGos will keep looking hot under pretty much all circumstances.

But some makeup lovers don’t get that fired up about coral. I have a friend who refuses to wear it on her lips because she says it makes her feel like a “South Beach grandma” (her words).

Gotta be honest, I don’t get it (SERIOUSLY, HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE CORAL?!), but I can appreciate wanting to be different and going against the flow, which brings me to the four new lipsticks in the MAC Temperature Rising collection.

From the left: Altered Beige, Caliente, Feel My Pulse and Sheer Seduction

See that? No coral whatsoever. Instead, MAC went a riskier route with beige, violet and bronze, and you know what?

I think it works.

Feel My Pulse, a vivid magenta violet with a Cremesheen finish

Caliente, a super dazzle violet with a Dazzle finish

Soft Serenade Lipglass

“It was a steamy night — hot like Manila in July — and I was feeling naughty.”

That could either be the beginning of a bad piece of pulp fiction or a commercial for MAC’s new 28-piece summer collection, Temperature Rising. Either way, it sounds hot, right?

From the left: Liquid Passion, Soft Serenade, Underdressed and Rhythm

If last year’s dimpled, cheerful Hey Sailor was a celebration of pin-up girl fun in the sun, this year’s Temperature Rising is like meeting a boy at a dubstep club and dancing your @ss off past curfew.

Steamy neutrals, feverish flecks of gold and copper and sizzling taupe, peach, magenta and charcoal set this new 28-piece collection ablaze.

It’s hot stuff! — and I want to watch it burn all day and night…

From the left: Liquid Passion, Soft Serenade, Underdressed and Rhythm

Stay hydrated, because the four Lipglasses ($16.50 each) in this launch can cause overheating, especially if you like wearing neutral lips with bold summer eyes.

Together, creamy nude Liquid Passion (like a peachier version of Spite); pearly, neutral pink Soft Serenade; pearly, plummy bronze Underdressed and pearly magenta-violet Rhythm complete an entire wardrobe of neutral summer lips, covering you for everything from bronze smokey eyes to eye looks with shimmery blues and greens.

Swatches from the left: Liquid Passion, Soft Serenade, Underdressed and Rhythm

Liquid Passion Lipglass