It’s harder in some ways than I thought it would be, but it’s easier in others, and before I had Connor, to be honest, for many years, I put off having children because I was deathly afraid that I would be a terrible mother.
Not like I’m the “no wire hangers” lady, but I thought, “Oh, I’m gonna traumatize this child in so many ways. This child is gonna be a complete nut.”
And then I would think, Ted Bundy has a mother… What if I give birth to Ted Bundy?
Ya know, all the crazy stuff that runs through your head, or runs through my head…
But then people would tell me, “You’ll do great. You’ll be fine. You’re gonna be a great mom.”
I could give you a list a mile long of the things that I feel I do wrong in life. So many things. But even though it’s only been seven months, I think I’ve been a pretty darned good mom.
It’s just so different putting anyone else’s needs so completely before your own. I always thought I was too selfish for it, but now I just want to give her everything. Whatever I have. I don’t even know where I’m going with this…