Karenâ€™s Inner Drag Queen: Time to do it to it, Miss Thang. Get up! I am not about to spend all day and night watching Animal Planet on the couch.
Karen: Okay, but —
Karenâ€™s Inner Drag Queen: Wash your face! Brush your teeth! Remove that hideous scrunchie from your hair! And swipe some makeup on before I start going through glitter withdrawals!
Karen: Dude, seriously — chill! You really need to be nice to me right now because I feel like a drum exploded in my head!
Karenâ€™s Inner Drag Queen: I’m sorry, baby girl, but you know what they say — sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.
And since I’m founder and CEO of our fabulousness, I’m taking the reins. I am not about to let this migraine bring us down. You and I are way too sexy for this crap!
Karen: Okay, okay… I know better than to get in your way.
You’re the boss. What do you want me to do first? Please bear in mind that whatever we do I intend to continue wearing these sweats. That’s non-negotiable.
Karenâ€™s Inner Drag Queen: Wha?!
Karen: Look into my eyes…
Karenâ€™s Inner Drag Queen: Alright, fair enough.
Let’s start with the basics then. Fill in those caterpillar brows first, and then please do something about that whole thing goin’ on over there…
Karen: Where? Over here? Under my eyes?
Karenâ€™s Inner Drag Queen: Mmm-hmm.
Karen: All done. Next?
Karenâ€™s Inner Drag Queen: Good. Now give those lashes some love.
Here, use my new LORAC Pro Mascara ($23)…
Karen: Ooh! Cool tube. And it’s huge!
What a cute brush, too. It’s shaped like a tear, aww. And the tip is so pointy! I bet it really grabs lashes in the inner and outer corners.
Karenâ€™s Inner Drag Queen: Oh, yeah. It’s good for black, glossy lashes, way long and thick, and you’re gonna love how easy it is to build up in layers. I’m talkin’ drama! It kinda reminds me of YSL’s Faux Cils like that.
The only thing, though, and you’ll notice this I’m sure, is that you have to dilute the wand first — like, you know, swipe it on something to get rid of the excess; otherwise, it gets hella clumpy!
Karen: Okay, but is it flaky (like you know who)? And what about smears?
Karenâ€™s Inner Drag Queen: Naw, at least not for me. And the separation and curl hold are pretty fab.
Karen: Alright. Let’s do three layers…