Wearing Dolce & Gabbana’s Voluptuous Lipstick in Gentle Monica 70, one of three new shades in the True Monica collection

My favorite thing about the three new Dolce & Gabbana Voluptuous Lipsticks in the True Monica collection? That even if you’re clad in frayed sweatpants and a t-shirt peppered with holes, and your hair passed the point when it probably should’ve been washed THREE DAYS AGO, and there are still sticky boogers all up in your eyes because you decided not to wash your face this morning…you’ll still feel like a seductive Italian screen siren wearing one of them, pouty lips and all.

Clockwise from the left: Nude Monica 20, True Monica 40 and Gentle Monica 70

The three $33 lipsticks, each of them inspired by Italian actress/model/all-around hot babe Monica Bellucci, whom you might remember from The Matrix Reloaded, or more recently from The Whistleblower with Rachel Weisz, and one of her signature makeup looks with smokey eyes and nude-toned, full lips.

From the left: Nude Monica 20, True Monica 40 and Gentle Monica 70

For the all important question: “Which of these warm, creamy lip colors would I wear to jury duty or the DMV?”

The answer: “Any of them.” Creamy beige Nude Monica, pinkish beige True Monica or pale rose Gentle Monica.

But why stop at the courthouse? Slip one on anytime you want to stop traffic, perhaps with your hair down, a pair of femme fatale high heels and a body-con dress.

Nude Monica 20

Wearing the new Dolce & Gabbana Smoky Smooth Eye Colour Quad

I love the new neutral Dolce & Gabbana Smoky Smooth Eye Colour Quad ($59) like…like Mariah loves wind machines. Like Iron Man loves tinkering. Like Portlandia loves bird motifs (“Put a bird on it!”). Like Ben Affleck loves beards. Like drag queens love contouring…

For me, good neutral quads are like tropical vacations. They just make everything better.

When I’m stumped for what to wear with crazy colors like that hot pink glitter over there (ooh!) or that matte red blush over there (ah!), I’ll go with one, two — or when I’m feeling more adventurous — three or four neutrals on my eyes.

Why?

Because they go with everything!

But…

…not all neutral quads get it right.

Sometimes, there are problems with the powders, and the shadows end up on my cheeks. Other times, they’re way too pigmented, or not pigmented enough, or they pull a David Copperfield and disappear right before my eyes, or they’re just annoyingly chalky.

But the matte black, pearly neutral gold, shimmery chocolate brown and shimmery golden beige in Dolce & Gabbana’s Smoky Quad do WERK!

(more…)

The new Dolce & Gabbana Graphite Intense Khol Eye Crayon, $30

“A storm’s brewin’…”

I always wanted to say that. Storms are brewing within Dolce & Gabbana’s new $30 Graphite pencil — a rain cloud of a blackened gray liner for lash and water lines, and my new gunmetal gray liner love.

There’s something almost meteorological about this deep, dark gunmetal… Micro flecks of shimmer dance along its surface like little lightning sparks.

It’s quite the Gothic scene, too, like a sweet lace dress with black leather cuffs and spikes — the perfect marriage of delicate and dangerous. Classic with an edge. Kittens with claws.

Graphite on my water lines

Loving the four fabulous new Powerchrome Eye Pencils ($21 each) from the Temperature Rising collection

9 Things a Fashion-Forward, Makeup-Loving and Somewhat Judgemental Feline Is Thinking When You Wear the New MAC Powerchrome Eye Pencils

1. Will you PLEASE stop gushing about how these creamy, flexible shadow pencils don’t need a primer, and start gushing about how awesome I am instead??



2. Are you getting so lazy that you don’t even bother to use eye brushes anymore? I mean, I totally appreciate that you’re doing quick eye looks with these (frees up your time to do more of my bidding), but I really hope that this rampant laziness of yours doesn’t spill over into your pet assisting duties.
3. Maybe you should take those fingers you’ve been using for blending and utilize them to scratch behind my ears a little more…
4. I see that your lids are looking shimmery and sparkly. Kudos for that, but it’s distracting people who would otherwise be admiring my shiny coat.
5. Okay, okay, so I don’t totally hate your makeup. That shimmery brown and black smokey eye you’re wearing does look moderately fierce… Nowhere near as fierce as my naturally smokey eyes, of course, but fierce nevertheless.
6. It only took you five minutes to do that eye look. That’s fast, but NOT FAST ENOUGH! Now go to the kitchen immediately and fix me some gravy.
7. I give you permission to wear these gold, copper, charcoal and bronzed brown pencils all summer long…since all of them go well with my fur.
8. Good thing these pencils stand up to warm weather and perspiration, because when we’re on my private South Pacific island, I’ll need you to look good at all times, in the event that the paparazzi find us.
9. Ugh! Yes, you may take your vacation in June, pending completion of the necessary paperwork, obviously. And just so you know, even though it’s a terrible inconvenience on my part, I’m still happy to help you with your travel makeup list. In fact, I suggest starting now by packing the MAC Powerchromes. You’re welcome.

From the left: Copper Strip, Life’s Luxury, Polished Jet and Rich Glance

Wearing the new Giorgio Armani Summer 2013 Eye & Face Palette on my cheeks and eyes

Rest assured that when you wear Giorgio Armani’s Summer 2013 Face & Eye Palette, you will not look like…

• You just won the 2013 Jell-O Wrestling World Championships
• You just crushed a can of PBR against your forehead
• You opened your eyes this morning and let out a 30-second-long barbecue potato chip-tinged burp that someone heard on the other side of town

Rather, when you brush the shimmery golden bronze highlighter on your cheeks and any combination of its three accompanying powder shadows on your lids, you’ll look more like you spent the day channeling Jackie O. on the Greek coast with a pair of Stephen Bonanno Palm Beach sandals, oversized glasses (of course) and a Lily Pulitzer shift dress.

Even if you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing with this two-tiered eye and face compact, you almost can’t go wrong because the long-lasting powders hug skin like skinny jeans hug hips.

They’re just plain easy to wear.

The golden peachy bronze highlighter in the top pan and the beige, brown and peach eye shadows in the bottom pan are like good pieces of jewelry that go with everything. You could dress ‘em up with RiRi Woo red lips and a body-con bandage dress, or dress ‘em down with your favorite Clarins gloss and a sundress.

The sky’s the limit.

And even if you totally botch that brown smokey eye you were going for (been there, done that about 1,622 times), don’t fret. You can buff it out with a few swipes of your MAC 217 (or something similar), as the soft powders are totally unlike magnets or the Borg (read: they offer very little resistance).

Seriously, even if you can’t blend for sh*t (don’t worry!), you could do a look with these that would make even the most seasoned makeup nerds recognize.

Swatches from the left: the beige, peach and brown eye shadows; and the peachy bronze highlighter